Seinfeld’s 10 best sports moments

Posted by Matt Lo Cascio
From: http://guyism.com/

For a show that was supposed to be about nothing, Seinfeld sure had plenty of sports episodes. Golf, tennis, baseball and hockey were all used for episodes that centered around sports. And now that Jerry’s scheduled to call a Mets game with Keith Hernandez, it’s time to paint your face like Puddy and get yourself ready. Here are 10 of the best Seinfeld sports moments.

10 Kramer Asks Paul O’Neill for a Favor

Kramer makes his way into the Yankees locker room to find Paul O’Neill. He asks him to hit two home runs for a sick kid in the hospital, even though it’s really so Kramer can get a birthday card back.

Paul O’Neill: “You promised a kid in the hospital that I’d hit two homeruns?”

Kramer: “Yeah, what — no good?”

Paul O’Neill: “No it’s no good…it’s terrible. I mean, you don’t hit home runs like that, it’s hard to hit home runs. And where the heck did you get two from?”

9 Another Game for Milos!

Jerry finds out that the salesman he bought his tennis racquet from is actually terrible at playing the game. This upsets Jerry tremendously and the salesman, Milos, promises to make it up to him. The plot has some twists and turns, but it comes down to Jerry tanking a tennis match so Milos can look like a man again to his hot wife.

Milos: Another game for Milos! Hahaha!

Jerry: You’re on fire today.

Milos: Hey Patty. look at this guy. He’s awful! He’s not a man, this Jerry. He’s not even married like I am.

Jerry: Hey, uh, Milos, I don’t mind rolling over here, but could you lighten up on the ‘not a man’ stuff?

Milos: Hey everybody, look! The little chicken girl wants me to ease up. He can’t handle this, so he cries like a woman!

8 Kramer Dominates the Dojo

Kramer becomes a force in “kah-rah-tay”, except it’s at a dojo full of young kids. He ends up getting beat up in an alley by them but not before explaining the “katra” to Elaine.

Kramer: The first time I sparred with an opponent, I was terrified. My legs, they were like noodles. But then I looked inside, and I found my katra.

Elaine: Katra?

Kramer: Yeah, your spirit, your, uh, being. The part of you that says, “Yes, I can!”

Jerry: Sammy Davis had it.

Kramer: So I listened to my katra and now I’m dominating the dojo. I’m class champion. Ka-ra-te Jerry ka-ra-te sound bite

7 Jay Buhner Has a Rocket for an Arm

George Steinbrenner has stopped by the Costanza residence to tell them the bad news that their son George is dead. Frank Costanza is tremendously upset. But not about George. He’s mad about a certain Yankee trade.

Frank: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he’s got a rocket for an arm, you don’t know what the hell you’re doin’!!

Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps’ bat. They kept saying ‘Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps’.

6 Was It the AM/PM?

Elaine is hosting Jean Paul, the marathoner that overslept at the Olympics and missed the marathon. Jerry has designs on making sure he doesn’t miss his race in New York. But first they want to find out why Jean Paul missed out on the Olympics.

Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn’t the snooze. Most people think it was the snooze, but no, no snooze.

Jerry: AM/PM.

Jean-Paul: Man, it wasn’t the AM/PM. It was the volume.

Jerry: Ah…the volume.

Jean-Paul: Yes, the volume. There was a separate knob for the radio alarm.

Jerry: Ah, separate knob.

Jean-Paul: Yes, separate knob. Why separate knob?! Why separate knob?!

5 How They Talk in the Major Leagues

George meets with some executives from the Houston Astros to discuss interleague play and adopts a whole new style of conversation.

George: Hey, you bastards.

Jerry: Hey, how was the meeting?

George: I really like those sons of bitches.

Jerry: Sons of bitches?

George: Yeah! That’s how they talk. You know, everyone’s either a bastard or a son of a bitch.

Yeah, it’s like uh…”boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!”

Jean-Paul: Really?

George: Yeah, yeah. That’s how they talk in the major league.

4 Joe DiMaggio Dunks His Donuts

Kramer reveals to the Elaine and Jerry that Joe DiMaggio is a “dunker”, but Jerry does not believe it.

Kramer: Joe DiMaggio, you know this time I went in and sat down across from him and I really watched him. I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.

Elaine: Joe DiMaggio dunks his donut?

Kramer: That’s right.

Jerry: See, now I know it’s not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.

Kramer: Oh, he’s a dunker.

Elaine: Why couldn’t he be a dunker?

Kramer: And nothing diverts his attention. Like, I’m uh, you know, like I’m sitting in there, you know. And I start banging on the table, you know, to uh, look up, you know, Like I’m sitting there you know and uh, bang, you know, bang! He wouldn’t move. So then I start doing these yelping noises. Like, yip! yip! No reaction because the guy is so focused, you see, he can just block out anything that’s going on around him. See, that’s how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.

3 George Teaches Jeter and Bernie Williams About Hitting

George abstains from sex and the effects transform him into some sort of savant. Besides dominating at Jeopardy! and figuring out absolute zero, George bestows some of his new found knowledge on Yankees stars Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams.

George: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It’s simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. (Hits a home run) It’s not complicated.

Jeter: Now who are you again?

George: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.

Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?

George: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?

Jeter: We won the World Series.

George: In six games.

2 Keith Hernandez, The Magic Loogey and George the Chucker

While Jerry is anxious about his man-date with Keith Hernandez, Newman explains why he can’t stand the Mets’ first baseman with his “Magic Loogey” theory, duplicating the exact scene — and his role –in JFK.

Kramer: Keith was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, “Nice game pretty boy.” Keith continued past us up the ramp.

Newman: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and profound way front that day forward.

Elaine: What was it?

Kramer: He spit on us…. and I screamed out, “I’m hit!”

Newman: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

1 Puddy Paints His Face for the Devils Game

Elaine learns something new about her on and off boyfriend, David Puddy. Turns out Puddy is a “face painter” and Elaine just can’t handle that.

Elaine: You painted your face?

Puddy: Yeah.

Elaine: Why?

Puddy: You know, support the team.

Elaine: Well, you can’t walk around like that.

Puddy: Why not?

Elaine: Because it’s insane?

Puddy: Hey, you gotta let them know you’re out there, this is the playoffs.

Kramer: Hey.

Puddy: Hey.

Elaine: Dave, um, painted his face.

Kramer: Yeah, that’s cool. Well, you gotta support your team.

Hottest Women in the World: Plus-Sized Edition

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Big Brother Is Watching You -- And He Has Ice Cream!

By Marc Perton

If you happen to be going to Cannes this summer (and, really, if you aren't, you should be) mega-conglomerate Unilever is ready to tempt you with a treat straight out of Minority Report. The company has set up a vending machine that lets anyone who walks by score some free ice cream. The price? Just smile for the machine's facial recognition software, which will determine your age, gender and emotion. Only the most happy will get ice cream. The rest? We don't really know, but we seem to remember something having to do with stolen eyeballs that can be used to trick such systems.

The "Share Happy" machine can sense when it's being approached, and "captures and measures your smile 15 times a second, and when it's wide enough, rewards you with ice cream." Once you hit the jackpot, you can share your winning smile with friends via Facebook. As to who Unilever's sharing it with, and what they're doing with it, we can only imagine. But, hey, free ice cream seems like a fair price for helping educate the smart machines and help them build their dossier, right?

Unilever Ice Cream Machine Detects Emotion and Shares Happy [MobileBehavior via ReadWriteWeb]

World Cup - She Also Has Good Ball Handling Skills

From: http://www.totalprosports.com/


Cristiano Ronaldo may have recently ended his two-year soccer goal scoring drought, but there is no way he's in a slump with the ladies, right? How could he possibly be in a lady-scoring drought when they literally throw their looseness his way every day and night? Maybe he made this ball handler prove her sign's infallibility and had her mind the step-children to help end his on-field scoring drought. After all, sometimes all it takes to help end an on-field slump is a slump-buster like this off of it.

Sister act: Doing the two step, the brunettes named Britain's most identical twins

By DAISY DUNN

From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

They are so alike that even their boyfriends struggle to tell them apart.

But Ruby and Pearl Day's other halves can be forgiven - especially since the pair were yesterday judged to be Britain's most identical twins.

In a nationwide competition, the 18-year-olds were deemed to be most alike in terms of facial likeness, personality and 'dancing synchronicity'.

Who's who? Pearl (left) and Ruby Day beat 29 sets of twins

The girls, from East London, are at college where they both happen to study the same subject - performing arts.

They plan to spend the year ahead concentrating on their acting.

Pearl and Ruby have already featured as extras in the fifth Harry Potter film, and will appear in the final instalment of the series.

Twin peaks: The pair have featured as extras in the fifth Harry Potter film, and will also appear as extras in the final film of the series

The twins share a bedroom at home, where they live with their mother and elder sister, and have seldom been separated from each other.

Ruby said: 'People at school were always muddling us up and even now at college some people confuse us.

'We're so alike we're even able to trick our boyfriends as to who's who - but we quickly correct them if they're wrong!'

Winning formula: After a series of challenges, Pearl and Ruby were judged as the most identical twins

A series of challenges resulted in them being judged as the most identical of the 30 sets of twins to arrive at Pineapple Dance studios in London yesterday morning, in a competition held by Cadbury's Wispa Duo.

Pineapple Dance teacher John Graham examined the twins' synchronicity, while cognitive neuroscientist Dr Fatima Felisberti judged the girls' facial likeness to be particularly close.

Finally, former Big Brother twins Sam and Amanda Marchant - known as 'Samanda' - judged how alike the girls were in terms of personality.

Enlarge

Beating out the competition: The girls pose outside Pineapple Studios with the other sets of identical twins

Ruby and Pearl stood out, Samanda agreed, for their equally bubbly personalities, a fitting trait for the girls now spearheading the bubbly chocolate’s advertising campaign.

Pearl and Ruby pipped runners-up Ishmael and Nathaniel from East London and Tammy and Terri from Birmingham to the winning post, and will now take part in a Spot the Difference Tour of the UK.

Former Big Brother contestants Sam and Amanda Marchant, left and Leigh and Holly Selwood

Susie and Rosie Millen, and Sophie and Chloe Shearer

Nathaniel and Ishmael, and Tina and Gina Fear

15 Things You Should Know About Caffeine

[Source: Homeowners Insurance]

Fast Lane - The Slide

All Subways should have this...

The Cutest Picture Ever Taken..we at least that you will see today

From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/


It does not get any cuter than this. Adorable child? Check. Kitten? Check. Hugging? Oh goodness. Internet, let's shut it down. We've had a good run, but it's not gonna get any better than this. (via Reddit)

The beasts of Neverland: what became of Bubbles & Thriller?

By Ewan Fletcher

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/

Michael Jackson's menagerie

Michael Jackson with chimp Bubbles and pet llama Photo: Photo by GAB Archive/Redferns

Michael Jackson's pet chimp Bubbles Photo: Picture by: CNN/ Splash News

Michael Jackson and Bubbles the chimp during the making of the video "Moon Walker." Photo: Credit: Polaris / eyevine

Michael Jackson in 1983 Photo: Bonnie Schiffman/Corbis Outline

Michael Jackson pictured with a serpentine member of his menagerie in 1987 Photo: Getty Images

When Michael Jackson died a year ago he left behind three children, eight brothers and sisters and millions of bereft fans. He also left a zoo’s worth of exotic animals.

Perhaps it shouldn’t have come as a surprise – his first solo number one, after all, was Ben, an ode to a pet rat – but the media and fans alike were fascinated by the private zoo that the King of Pop created at his 2,600-acre Californian ranch, Neverland.

Among the residents were tigers, chimpanzees, zebras, giraffes, alpacas, snakes, alligators and elephants. Their upkeep, though, cost a fortune, and, as personal and financial woes piled up, Jackson was forced to move out of Neverland and find his animals new homes.

He gave the job to his well-respected vet, Martin Dinnes.

‘Michael told me that he didn’t care about making money from selling his animals, he just wanted me to make sure that they went to the best homes possible,’ Dinnes says.

Michael Jackson's pet chimp Bubbles Photo: Picture by: CNN/ Splash News

‘So I took two years, from 2006 to 2008. Some were sold and some were given away but Michael approved of all the places they went.’

Not everybody agrees. Animal rights campaigners say many animals are living at substandard facilities, while some new owners criticise Jackson, whose estate has raked in $250 million since his death, for making no provision to fund the lifestyles of his beloved pets.

Michael Jackson and Bubbles the chimp during the making of the video "Moon Walker." Photo: Credit: Polaris / eyevine

One year after his death, we tracked down the animals of Neverland to see how they are adjusting to life in a world where animals do grow old.

Bubbles the chimpanzee

Few will need reminding that Jackson’s highest-profile pet was a chimpanzee named Bubbles. After rescuing him from a research centre in the early Eighties he took him on his Bad world tour.

Bubbles wowed fans by mimicking his moonwalk on stage and the two became inseparable. At Neverland, the ape slept in a cot in the singer’s bedroom and used his lavatory.

However, after the birth of Jackson’s son Prince Michael Jnr, Bubbles – who was growing into moody adolescence – was deemed potentially dangerous and moved to a sanctuary for Hollywood animals.

For the past six years he has resided in Florida at the Center For Great Apes. Half of the money needed for his care – which costs £12,000 per year – is still provided by Jackson’s estate.

Michael Jackson in 1983 Photo: Bonnie Schiffman/Corbis Outline

‘Michael owned Bubbles all these years,’ says Patti Ragan, who runs the centre. ‘He would visit him, but he couldn’t handle him any more.

'Chimps that appear on television are almost always very young. When they grow up they get very big and have huge canine teeth. They become very dangerous so can’t work around actors and entertainers.’

Bubbles, Ragan says, is now 26 years old and weighs nearly 13 stone. He’s changed in other ways too. In a mirror-image of Jackson’s own metamorphosis, Bubbles’ face has become significantly blacker.

‘It isn’t pink anymore,’ Ragan says. ‘When chimpanzees get older their faces get covered in more and more black freckles and turn a beautiful, dark rich colour.’

The chimp, like his owner, is also very fond of children.

‘There are some youngsters in his group, little kids, and he loves to play games with them,’ she says. ‘He likes to be groomed by the others in his group and sometimes he’ll groom them.’

However, Ragan says categorically that Bubbles does not dance and dismisses reports that he attempted to commit suicide after hearing of Jackson’s death, or that there were ever any plans for him to attend the funeral.

Michael Jackson pictured with a serpentine member of his menagerie in 1987 Photo: Getty Images

‘All chimpanzees walk backwards if they’re playing so his moonwalking was nothing special,’ she says.

‘This is a 180lb great ape, not a chimp baby in a red suit. He is not a person.’

The giraffes and parrots

Jackson’s four giraffes – Rambo, Jabbar Jnr, Princess and Annie Sue – along with his collection of parrots, left Neverland in 2007 and moved to Page, in Arizona, to live with a couple of well-meaning but inexperienced animal enthusiasts called Tommy and Freddie Hancock.

The husband and wife team, who had made their fortune selling jet skis, planned to open a 175-acre wildlife reserve and spend their retirement looking after abandoned animals. But their plans went awry almost immediately.

First, the animal rights group PETA accused the Hancocks of mistreating the giraffes and keeping them in ‘cramped temporary pens’.

Then the couple became mired in a legal battle with the local council over the terms of the lease agreement for the proposed reserve. Both the Hancocks and the giraffes faced eviction.

And then, within the space of a few weeks at the end of last year, both Rambo and Jabba Jnr died.

PETA blamed the Hancocks, accusing them of neglect. But the Hancocks insisted they were the victims of a local smear campaign and said they thought the giraffes had been poisoned.

‘It has to be said that the circumstances around the deaths are suspect,’ Freddie says.

‘The veterinarian said Rambo was in excellent health. It’s very difficult to prove anything but I know that somebody did that to these animals and of course we have our suspicions who. Someone has a personal vendetta against us.’

Freddie and her husband have now found a new site in South Utah and plan to move the surviving giraffes and the rest of their animals there. As yet, there has been no official investigation into the deaths of either Rambo or Jabba Jnr.

The alligators and snakes

One suspects that the Peter Pan of Pop would have approved of the GW Exotic Animal Memorial Park in Oklahoma, where most of his reptiles now live.

A sanctuary for animals that have been neglected or abused, it was set up in 1997 by Francis and Shirley Schreibvogel in memory of their son Garold Wayne, who died in a road traffic accident.

Today, the park has 12,000 exotic animals – including Madonna, Jackson’s albino python, and the singer’s alligators – many of which are sponsored by the friends or family of people who have died. Three people (although not Jackson) are buried on the site.

The pop star’s two alligators live in the Steve Irwin Memorial Complex, an indoor alligator centre, built in memory of the Australian ‘Crocodile Hunter’, which has two indoor pools. A door gives them exclusive access to two pools outside.

‘The big alligator we call MJ,’ says John Reinke, the park manager. ‘We have a sign on the cage that says he belonged to Michael Jackson.

‘MJ is about 14ft long and weighs about 1,100lbs [half a ton]. He eats whole raw chickens like you get in the grocery store,’ Reinke says.

‘The python is 18ft long and she weighs 300lbs,’ he adds.

‘When we tell people that we got Michael Jackson’s animals they get pretty excited and want to see them but we don’t get crazy fanatics.’

The tigers: Thriller and Sabu

Although named after the best-selling album of all time, Thriller the tiger was not the cub pictured cradled in Jackson’s arms on the record sleeve.

Nevertheless, she and her brother Sabu, born in 1998, were two of the pop star’s most beloved pets. nThey now live on the Shambala Preserve in California, which is owned and run by the actress Tippi Hedren – Melanie Griffith’s mother – best known for her starring role in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

‘The tigers came to us in 2006 when Michael decided never to return to Neverland,’ says Hedren, who is now 80 and has run Shambala since the early Seventies.

‘They were the first animals to be placed. Thriller and Sabu live in a very large compound of their own and are very happy.’ As soon as Hedren heard about Jackson’s death, she says she went to their compound and told them the news.

‘I have no idea if they understood what had happened or not,’ she says. ‘But I talk to the animals a lot. I often sit outside their enclosure and get to know their personality.’

The actress has been in love with big cats since 1969 when she made a film in Zimbabwe. She now has around 70 at Shambala, including lions, cougars, leopards, servals and one ‘very magnificent’ liger, all of which have been rescued from illegal zoos or private individuals.

She also has several domestic cats, one called Melanie Griffith and one called Antonio Banderas (after Melanie’s husband). The others are named Sean Connery, Marlon Brando and Rod Taylor (after Hedren’s co-star in The Birds).

Thriller, Sabu and the rest of the animals at Shambala enjoy a pampered existence. They are fed on specially flavoured beef and receive the best health care that money can buy. When Thriller developed a swelling on her neck she was taken to hospital for an MRI scan.

However, Hedren says Jackson never contributed a penny to their upkeep.

‘It’s disappointing because Michael was known for his love of animals and I don’t know why he completely abandoned them,’ she says. ‘It would be wonderful if someone in the family stepped up.’

Dutch police use 'decoy Jews' to stop anti-Semitic attacks

Dutch police are to use "decoy Jews", by dressing law enforcers in Jewish religious dress such as skullcaps, in an effort to catch anti-Semitic attackers.

Bruno Waterfield

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Lodewijk Asscher, Amsterdam's mayor, has ordered the new decoy strategy to cut the number of verbal and physical attacks on Jews, amid fears that anti-Semitic "hate crime" is on the rise.

"Jews in at least six Amsterdam neighbourhoods often cannot cross the street wearing a skullcap without being insulted, spat at or even attacked," according to local reports.

Amsterdam police already disguise officers as "decoy prostitutes, decoy gays and decoy grannies" in operations to deter street muggings and attacks on homosexuals or the city's red light district.

Police in the Dutch city of Gouda have claimed the use of officers disguised as apparently frail old age pensioners has helped cut street crime.

"If we receive several reports of street robbery in a certain location, we send out the granny. That soon quietens things down," said a spokesman.

Secret television recordings by the Jewish broadcasting company, Joodse Omroep, broadcast at the weekend, have shocked Amsterdam, a city which prides itself on liberalism and which is home to the Anne Frank museum.

The footage showed young men, often of immigrant origin, shouting and making Nazi salutes at a rabbi when he visited different areas of the Dutch capital.

This Poncho does it all...

Be safe while hanging out in space.

Submitted by: MaxBJ-FD via Fail Uploader

Landon Donovan's Goal in Stoppage Time Advances USA Out of Group C

By Will Brinson

From: http://soccer.fanhouse.com/

Landon Donovan's goal in extra time is going to go down as one of the best American sports moments in history. Add in the stakes at hand -- World Cup advancement, America's previous (0-6-0) failures in games like this, the poor refereeing earlier in the match and the even poorer refereeing the match before -- and there's no question how important that follow-up by Donovan will go down in history.

For those that were unfortunate enough to miss it, here's the setup: USA is tied 0-0 and will not advance without scoring (England was already in extra time, essentially having won), but space opens up on a USA break, and madness ensues with the ball bouncing back towards the goalline before Donovan magically comes streaking forward to punch the ball in and give USA the 1-0 lead.

Watch the video. Hundreds of times if you want, or just once: odds are you'll be seeing it replayed for a long, long time anyway.

No, THIS Is The Best Business Card Ever

Posted by Alex Wilhelm