Zazzle Shop

Screen printing

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Proost! (cheers in dutch)

Chismillionaire's Spoiler! The Cloverfield Monster


Somehow not quite as cool as the trailers make it out to be.

10 More photos at the exact right time

photo from the right angle

A picture is worth a thousand words, but there are pictures that worth much more.

Below another awesome collection of photos taken at the exact right time, if you have missed the previous collections, please follow the below links: 20 Photos at the Exact Right Angle , 20 More photos at the exact right angle and 25 Photos at the Exact Right Time


amazing photos


photo from the right angle


awesome photos



photo from the right angle


photography



photo from the right angle


awesome photos


bizarre photo


Chismillionaire shares secrets of self made millionaires

Be passionate about what you do, moonlight and invest the income, invest first, spend less! Easy as pie


When you think “millionaire,” what image comes to mind? For many of us, it’s a flashy Wall Street banker type who flies a private jet, collects cars and lives the kind of decadent lifestyle that would make Donald Trump proud.

But many modern millionaires live in middle-class neighborhoods, work full-time and shop in discount stores like the rest of us. What motivates them isn’t material possessions but the choices that money can bring: “For the rich, it’s not about getting more stuff. It’s about having the freedom to make almost any decision you want,” says T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. Wealth means you can send your child to any school or quit a job you don’t like.
According to the Spectrem Wealth Study, an annual survey of America’s wealthy, there are more people living the good life than ever before—the number of millionaires nearly doubled in the last decade. And the rich are getting richer. To make it onto the Forbes 400 list of the richest Americans, a mere billionaire no longer makes the cut. This year you needed a net worth of at least $1.3 billion.

If more people are getting richer than ever, why shouldn’t you be one of them? Here, five people who have at least a million dollars in liquid assets share the secrets that helped them get there.

10 unbelievably cool research facilities


some incredible beasts have been constructed in the name of research and below are 5 of the most immediately intriguing. there are plenty more out there which will be highlighted in the near future as i’m making this a series of sorts. let me know if you have any in mind for the next collection.

on to the brilliance…


1. super kamiokande detector, kamioka observatory, japan




an old favourite on the intertubes, this 50′000 ton cylindrical ‘ring-imaging water cerenkov detector’ can be found at the kamioka mozumi mine in japan - 1′000m underground. clever people built the machine to detect neutrinos, proton decay and cosmic rays: this is done using the 12′000-ish photomultiplier tubes (extremely sensitive light detectors) visible on all walls of the ‘ultra-purified water-filled’ tank. to offer further explanation would reveal my scientific ineptitude. instead, go here for a nicely simplified explanation and here for some incredible hi-res photos large enough to incapacitate the average pc.



2. benefield anechoic facility, california, usa




first of all (in case you don’t know) an anechoic chamber is a room which has been filled with sound absorbing materials in order to minimise all reflections from internal surfaces, thus making the space echo-less. more commonly these rooms are used to test and research sound equipment due to the lack of any such interference affecting the equipment’s output. the benefield anechoic facility you see above is the largest anechoic chamber on earth and, rather than using acoustically absorbent materials, is filled with radiation absorbent materials in the form of 816′000 foam cones designed to minimise the reflection of radio frequency signals. to read more, look here.


3. the z machine, sandia national laboratory, new mexico, usa



the z machine is the largest x-ray generator on earth and is believed by many as the key to understanding controlled fusion.


‘the z machine uses a short burst of intense electricity - only a few 10 billionths of a second long - that forces an ionized gas to implode. the process is called a z-pinch because the pulse creates a magnetic field that squeezes particles in the vertical direction, which math books usually label as the “z-axis.” at the center of the z-pinch, in the space of a small soup can, gas particles race at each other at a million miles an hour. the collisions result in X-rays and extremely high temperatures.’



in 2006 the machine unexpectedly produced plasmas with temperatures in excess of 3.6 billion °f. that’s hotter than the core of our sun.


a very brief video tour…




4. very large array, new mexico, usa




arranged on an enormous y-shaped set of tracks on the plains of san augustin is the ‘very large array’, a collection of 27 radio antennas used primarily by astronomers around the world. each antenna weighs 230 tons and can be moved by way of the 3 13 mile long tracks, giving a total of 4 different configurations, the data from all 27 antenna can then be combined to give the resolution of an antenna whopping 22 miles across. the 2nd picture, from google maps, gives you some idea of the scale of the observatory.


the direct link to the vla on google maps is here. the vla website is here.



5. large hadron collider, cern, switzerland/france




the large hadron collider, when completed very soon, will be the largest particle collider on earth, one of the intentions being to recreate the slightly hot conditions that occured immediately after the big bang, in turn resulting in the observation of the ‘god particle‘. the huge circle in the 1st photo is the location of the lhc tunnel, located approximately 100m below ground and measuring 27km in circumference. in the tunnel are 2 parallel tubes, each carrying protons in opposite directions at near the speed of light using the surrounding superconducting magnets. to carry on with this explanation could take days and a lot of mistakes so you should continue reading about this mammoth machine here.




6. large helical device, gifu, japan



the phenomenal photo above shows superconducting coils within the large helical device in japan, a machine which holds the title of ‘largest superconducting stellarator in the world’. these huge winding coils are used to generate magnetic fields strong enough to confine a plasma in the centre which needs to be heated to the point where a controlled nuclear fusion reaction will occur - 100 million degrees.


you can read more about the device here. a mammoth version of the photo is here.



7. odeillo solar furnace, odeillo, france




built in 1969, this brilliantly shiny oddity is the 8-storey high odeillo solar furnace in france: at present the largest on the planet. the 63 smaller mirrors on the hillside reflect the sun onto the huge parabolic reflector you see in the photos, this in turn reflecting the solar radiation very precisely onto a point just 18 metres in front of the parabola. using this method, temperatures can reach an unbelievably hot 3400°C. the incredible amount of heat generated by the furnace is used for research in many areas including high temperature solar engineering (advanced solar power systems, solar chemistry, etc.), photo-physics and chemistry applied physics. the official site is here.


8. atf fire research laboratory, maryland, usa



measuring a whopping 60ft x 60ft, this is the largest calorimetry hood on earth and is an essential part of the atf fire research laboratory. the hood needs to be this large in order to monitor and measure the heat output created by burning buildings underneath it. full scale houses have been specifically built, placed under the hood and destroyed in the name of research on a regular basis since the state-of-the-art facility was opened in 2003, and that’s just one of the 3 hoods in a lab which is so impressive that it’s visited by experts the world over.


official site is here.



9. ligo observatories, louisiana & washington, usa



the photo above shows ligo’s hanford observatory, one of 2 main facilities used by ligo to detect ‘ripples’ or gravitational waves in space-time. both of the observatories have an enormous l-shaped interferometer, each arm measuring 4km in length, with a mirror at each end. laser light enters the ‘arms’ from the corner of the l-shape and then bounces back and forth between each mirror a set number of times. the reason for this is better explained in the clip below.


for a simple explanation about both gravitational waves and ligo itself, watch the clip. to see the hanford observatory on google maps, click here. the ligo website is here.





10. arecibo observatory, arecibo, puerto rico




the arecibo observatory in puerto rico contains the largest curved focusing dish on earth and is used for 3 main research purposes: radio astronomy, aeronomy and radar astronomy observations of solar system objects. the dish has been set in a depression between some hills and, to compensate for its fixed position, the receiver can be repositioned as it sits 450ft above ground. the observatory’s incredible appearance resulted in a cameo in goldeneye’s final scene.


the official arecibo site can be found here. also, the gigantic structure can be seen clearly on google maps here.


sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

The 3-D printer that can print a 3-D printer

A machine that builds itself? Adrian Bowyer, leading researcher at the University of Bath, shows us that this seemingly fantastic idea is not far from becoming reality. The self-replicating rapid prototyper, or “RepRap,” could have dramatic effects on people in developing countries.

You can watch a real cool video here: The 3-D printer that can print a 3-D printer

New Mac Pro: Tower of 8-Core Power


Apple's got a second release that just hit the wires: A Mac Pro with two intel 45nm Quad-Core Xeons at up to 3.2GHz each. An 8-core config is standard. The front side bus is humming along at 1600MHz now, and RAM at 800MHZ. The computer also comes standard with ATI HD 2600 XT graphics with 256MB of video memory, but can be upgraded to support NVIDIA GeForce 8800GT with 512MB of video RAM or a Quadro FX 5600 with 1.5GB of memory. Support for four video cards at once means the Pro can drive eight 30-inch cinema displays at once, like before. Comes with the aluminum keyboard that debuted with the iMac. And eight cores for $2799 ain't bad. From what they're telling us, it could be one of the fastest desktops out there, but we'll wait for Ars or PC World to verify that for us. [Mac Pro]

Apple Introduces New Mac Pro

Fastest Mac Ever - Eight Processor Cores Standard

CUPERTINO, Calif., Jan. 8 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Apple(R) today
introduced the new Mac(R) Pro with eight processor cores and a new system
architecture that delivers up to twice the performance of its predecessor*.
The new Mac Pro combines two of Intel's new 45 nanometer Quad-Core Xeon
processors running up to 3.2 GHz, powerful new graphics and up to 4TB of
internal storage to offer the ideal system for creative professionals, 3D
digital content creators and scientists. The standard 8-core configuration
starts at just $2,799.
"The new Mac Pro is the fastest Mac we've ever made," said Philip
Schiller, Apple's senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing. "With
3.2 GHz 8-core Xeon processing, a 1600 MHz front side bus and 800 MHz memory,
the new Mac Pro uses the fastest Intel Xeon architecture on the market."
The new Mac Pro features the latest Quad-Core Intel Xeon 5400 series
processors based on state-of-the-art 45nm Intel Core microarchitecture running
up to 3.2 GHz, each with 12MB of L2 cache per processor for breakthrough
performance and power efficiency. With a new high-bandwidth hardware
architecture, dual-independent 1600 MHz front side buses and up to 32GB of 800
MHz DDR2 ECC FB-DIMM memory, the new Mac Pro achieves a 61 percent increase in
memory throughput**.
Every Mac Pro comes standard with the ATI Radeon HD 2600 XT graphics card
with 256MB of video memory. The Mac Pro includes a new PCI Express 2.0
graphics slot that delivers up to double the bandwidth compared to the
previous generation, and supports the latest generation of graphics cards from
NVIDIA, such as the NVIDIA GeForce 8800 GT with 512MB of video memory, or
NVIDIA Quadro FX 5600 with 1.5GB of video memory and a 3-D stereo port for
stereo-in-a-window applications. With support for up to four graphics cards,
the new Mac Pro can drive up to eight 30-inch displays at once for advanced
visualization and large display walls.
The Mac Pro is the most expandable Mac ever, featuring four internal hard
drive bays with direct-attach, cable-free installation of four 1TB Serial ATA
hard drives, totaling 4TB of internal storage and support for two SuperDrives.
With optional 15000 rpm SAS drives that can deliver up to 250MB/s of RAID 5
disk I/O performance, the Mac Pro is ideal for film and video editors.
Combined with SATA or SAS drives, using an optional Mac Pro RAID card offers
the ultimate data protection and disk I/O performance on the Mac Pro. The Mac
Pro is easily and conveniently accessible in front and back so users can
connect external devices with five USB 2.0, two FireWire(R) 400, two FireWire
800, optical and analog audio in and out, dual Gigabit Ethernet ports and a
headphone jack.
Every Mac Pro includes Leopard(TM), the sixth major release of the world's
most advanced operating system. Leopard is packed with more than 300 new
features and introduces a brand new desktop with Stacks, a new way to easily
access files from the Dock; a redesigned Finder that lets users quickly browse
and share files between multiple Macs; Quick Look, a new way to instantly see
files without opening an application; Spaces, an intuitive new feature used to
create groups of applications and instantly switch between them; and Time
Machine(TM), an effortless way to automatically back up everything on a Mac.
Featuring an improved scheduler and other multi-core technology, Leopard is a
perfect companion to the Mac Pro, making applications faster and helping
application developers take advantage of multi-core systems.
The new ultra-thin aluminum Apple Keyboard now ships with every Mac Pro
and built-in Bluetooth 2.0 makes it easy to reduce cable clutter with the
optional Apple Wireless Keyboard and Apple Wireless Mouse.

Pricing & Availability
The new Mac Pro is shipping today and will be available through the Apple
Store(R) (http://www.apple.com), Apple's retail stores and Apple Authorized
Resellers.

The standard 8-core Mac Pro, with a suggested retail price of $2,799 (US),
includes:
-- two 2.8 GHz Quad-Core Intel Xeon processors with dual-independent 1600
MHz front side buses;
-- 2GB of 800 MHz DDR2 ECC fully-buffered DIMM memory, expandable up to
32GB;
-- ATI Radeon HD 2600 XT with 256MB of GDDR3 memory;
-- 320GB Serial ATA 3Gb/s hard drive running at 7200 rpm;
-- 16x SuperDrive(TM) with double-layer support
(DVD+/-R DL/DVD+/-RW/CD-RW);
-- two PCI Express 2.0 slots and two PCI Express slots;
-- Bluetooth 2.0+EDR; and
-- ships with Apple Keyboard and Mighty Mouse.


In addition to the standard configuration, the Mac Pro offers numerous
build-to-order options including: one 2.8 GHz, two 3.0 GHz, or two 3.2 GHz
Quad-Core Intel Xeon processors; up to 32GB of 800 MHz DDR2 fully-buffered ECC
memory; up to four 1TB Serial ATA hard drives running at 7200 rpm or up to
four 300GB SAS drives running at 15000 rpm; Mac Pro RAID card; up to two 16x
SuperDrives with double-layer support; NVIDIA GeForce 8800 GT or NVIDIA Quadro
FX 5600 graphics cards; AirPort Extreme 802.11n; Apple USB Modem; Apple
wireless Aluminum Keyboard; Apple wireless Mighty Mouse; and Mac OS X Server
Leopard. Complete build-to-order options and pricing are available at
http://www.apple.com/macpro.

*Based on estimated results comparing a preproduction 2.8 GHz 8-core Mac
Pro with a 2.66 GHz Quad-Core Mac Pro running professional applications like
Maya, modo and Logic(R) Pro.

**Testing conducted by Apple in December 2007 using a preproduction 2.8
GHz 8-core Mac Pro with a 2.66 GHz quad-core Mac Pro. All systems were
configured with 4GB of RAM. Results are based on the STREAM v. 5.6 benchmark
(http://www.cs.virginia.edu/stream/ref.html) using OMP support for
multiprocessor-compiled builds. All systems were configured with 8GB of RAM.
Performance tests are conducted using specific computer systems and reflect
the approximate performance of Mac Pro.

The 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns

By Christian Hoopes


article image

James Bond, as conceived by author Ian Fleming, is a suave but professional secret agent who doubles as an assassin. He is cold, detached and is, in Fleming's words, "an anonymous, blunt instrument wielded by a government department."



Clearly, there's enough room for interpretation in there to assume he was also deeply fond of boner jokes, because that's exactly what filmmakers did with the character once he started being portrayed by swarthy British types on the silver screen. As you'll see, some of the Bond double entendres were almost physically painful.


#15.

Christmas Comes Once A Year




Film: The World is Not Enough


Bond is in bed on top of Dr. Christmas Jones, a brilliant nuclear scientist convincingly portrayed by Denise Richards, who, like all brilliant female nuclear scientists, looks like a supermodel and dresses like Lara Croft.




Then James says, "I thought Christmas only comes once a year."



The saddest part is knowing the entire reason they named her "Christmas" was so they could set up that orgasm joke at the end of the movie. So in the Bond world, girls can grow up to be nuclear physicists, but they still get stripper names.


Bond girls (as you'll see) tend to get worse names than this, and Christmas was probably something like "Vixen McLegs" or "Chesty Evildoer" in earlier drafts. Then, they thought up the joke and went back in with Microsoft Word and reverse engineered all the "Aslyn Boobsaplenty" entries into "Christmas Jones." Yes, screenwriters get paid good money to do things like that.


Groan Factor: 4.5

#14.

The Inflatable Villain



Film: Live and Let Die


In this amazing scene, Bond is wrestling with bad guy Kananga in a shark-infested pool when he causes Kananga to imbibe an air capsule. Instead of just spitting it out (since it's clearly just in his mouth and not lodged down his esophagus) Kananga gets a panicked look on his face, inflates like a balloon, flies up to the ceiling and explodes. This is witnessed by Bond's love interest, Solitare, who nonetheless asks Bond, "Where's Kananga?"

Bond replies, "Oh, he always did have an inflated opinion of himself."

We know what you're thinking. We made this whole bit up, or confused it with something that happened in a Road Runner cartoon. But, no, what might be the silliest death scene in just about any movie in history, did in fact take place in Live and Let Die. Perhaps you would like to see it for yourself.


What makes the double entendre especially ridiculous is that Solitare witnesses the events before she asks Bond where Kananga is. There are all sorts of better questions she could ask, such as, "How the fuck did Kananga just turn into a human balloon and explode on the ceiling?"


What's even more maddening is the fact that Bond's reply doesn't answer the question. "'Where's Kananga' you ask? I killed him by inflating him, and he's over there in the shark tank, and on the walls and ceiling." That's the right answer. Replying that Kananga had an inflated opinion of himself is like a friend asking you if you've seen where he left his gloves and replying, "Your gloves are fuzzy."


Groan Factor: 5

#13.

Python Crush




Film: Moonraker


On his way to rescue love interest Dr. Holly Goodhead (that's her character's real name, we're sorry), James Bond tangles with the bad guy's boa constrictor and kills it with a ballpoint pen that's really a hypodermic needle.


Hugo Drax asks, "Why did you break up the encounter with my pet python?"


Bond says, "I discovered it had a crush on me."

What makes this especially cringe-worthy is that Hugo's line is so transparently a set up that exists for no other reason than to facilitate the groan-inducing pun. Does Drax really not know why Bond killed the snake rather than allow it to kill him? Would a normal person reply, "because it was trying to kill me?"

And what of Bond, who by making this retarded attempt at humor is inadvertently implying that the snake had romantic feelings for him? They probably didn't want to explore the subject of bestiality in their big-budget spy movie, but they wrote themselves into it and now they have to live with the result.

And, so do we.


Groan Factor: 5.5


#12.

Oddjob Blows a Fuse




Film: Goldfinger


Bond and Henchman Oddjob, who kills people by throwing his sharpened hat at them, are engaged in a battle royale at Fort Knox. Bond throws Oddjobb's hat at him but it gets lodged in security bars. Oddjob reaches for it just as Bond grabs a conveniently located live power wire large enough to single-handedly light up most of Las Vegas. He electrifies the bars, frying Oddjob to death.




In response to this turn of events a General asks, "Where's your butler friend?"


Bond replies, "Oh, he blew a fuse."


If you don't know, "He blew a fuse" was slang in the '50s and '60s for losing one's temper. Audiences these days probably think Bond was implying that Oddjob was a robot, which is the only circumstance where that pun has even the most tenuous connection to logic.


We should note that this was Bond's second failed attempt to make a good electrocution joke. Earlier in the film, Bond knocks a bad guy into a tub of water and tosses an electric heater in with him, electrocuting the poor dope instantly. As he walks away, Bond mutters "Shocking ... positively shocking," a line so lazy it makes the blown fuse thing look ingenious by comparison.


Groan Factor: 5.5

#11.

Boner reference No. 1



Film: Die Another Day


Bond is getting a fencing lesson from Madonna, who looks like an S&M grandma with a poodle haircut.

She says, "I see you handle your weapon well."


James Bond counters, "I have been known to keep my tip up."

The whole Madonna cameo is a little weird in the first place, having come off her film-destroying roles in Swept Away and The Next Best Thing.

But anyway, there's Bond, making one of his signature wiener jokes, not to a Bond girl like Denise Richards, but to a woman who no one has thought of as a sex symbol in 15 years. We get the feeling we could stick Bond in the same room with Cloris Leachman and within five minutes he'd be saying, "So, would you like to hear about my boner?"


Groan Factor: 6


#10.

Boner Reference No. 2



Film: Goldeneye


Bond has just been playing cards with Xenia Onatopp, who is assumably the final draft of a character that was originally named "Xanadu Missionary Position", when they decide to talk about Bond's favorite subject: his boners.

Bond says, "It appears we share the same passions. Three anyway."


Onatopp replies, "I count two. Motoring and Baccarat."

Card Dealer interjects, "Huit pour la banque. Seven; Madame wins."

Onatopp says, "I hope the third is where your real talent lies."

Bond says, "One rises to meet a challenge."


It's such a labored set up, that it seems hardly worth the trouble. If you have to include a corny double entendre in your movie (and you don't) you should never interrupt it with other dialogue. The audience tends to forget what everyone's talking about, so that when this line comes around your friends will have to lean over to you and ask, "wait, are they still talking about boners?"

Yes. Yes, they are.


Groan Factor: 6








#9.

The Boot



Film: The Living Daylights

Bond is suspended on a large cargo net hanging out the back of an extremely large plane flying over the Afghanistan desert. Bad guy Necros is there, too, punching Bond as their net flops around. Necros makes the fatal error of grabbing onto Bond's boot with both hands, and Bond cuts the laces, sending Necros to his rather silly death, as he continues to hold onto the boot as he plummets. Did it slow his descent? We hope so.

Then ...

Kara Milovy (who is piloting the plane)says, "What happened?"

James Bond answers, "He got the boot."

This is another one of Bond's strained uses of a phrase no one really uses anymore, such as "he bought the farm" or "go over like a lead balloon." In this instance, getting the boot is similar to being voted off one's favorite reality show--if on the reality show losers were discarded from the cast via being dropped out of a plane with nothing but effeminate British military footwear.

But, mostly this is painful because up to this point in the movie Timothy Dalton was really an excellent Bond--serious, focused--a fresh back-to-basics for the character. Probably some studio exec saw a rough cut of the film and said, "add boner jokes!" This line was the compromise.

Groan Factor: 6.5



#8.

Head for Heights



Film: For Your Eyes Only

Bad guy Locque, who looks like a cross between Peter Fonda and The Incredible Mr. Limpet, is stuck in his car teetering on the top of a precipitous cliff.



Bond kicks the car's tire and it falls off the cliff with Locque still inside, after which Bond remarks pretty much to no one, "He had no head for heights."

Wait, is that even a saying? "He had no head for heights?" Again, we have to assume that's an old person saying that's been out of use since the 1940s or so, because we've never heard it outside of For Your Eyes Only. It's a bit abstract, kind of like saying, "he had no genitals for water skiing" after castrating a bad guy while motorboating.

This would also make more sense if Bond had somehow decapitated the bad guy at a great height, but he didn't. Given the body count of anonymous henchmen in Bond films, it seems like a waste to use up that line in a situation that didn't really apply. He should have waited until he was fighting with someone on top of a helicopter.

Groan Factor: 7


#7.

Attempting Re-entry



Film: Moonraker


Bond has just defeated the bad guy and thwarted his evil plan to start a new race of super humans on a space station. The American and British authorities make visual contact with Bond in an attempt to congratulate him on his success, but instead find Bond and Dr. Holly Goodhead (sigh) going at it like zero-g minks under a space blanket. The Minister of Defense and Q have this exchange:

The Minister of Defence says, "My God, what's Bond doing?"


Q responds, "I think he's attempting re-entry, sir."


This one isn't spoken by Bond, which is nice for a change, and actually it's kind of funny in a guilty Billy Madison sort of way. Obviously re-entry refers to entering Earth's atmosphere from space, but we can all see what clever thing Q did with that there. When taken literally this is actually one of the more graphic Bond double entendres. And because it's spoken by wrinkly Q, one should probably just try not to think about it at all.



Groan Factor: 7

#6.

Shark Disagreement



Film: License to Kill

Bond's friend Felix Leiter just got married, but on Leiter's wedding night, he and his wife get kidnapped by bad guy Sanchez. Leiter gets fed to a shark, who eats part of his legs. Bond discovers Leiter's maimed body in a room. Attached to the body is a note that reads:


"He disagreed with something that ate him."


The idea was to let the audience know that in Sanchez, Bond has finally met his match, double entendre-wise. But changing it from "something he ate" to "something that ate him," ruins the meaning because how would you agree with something that ate you?

To make this work, you'd almost need Leiter to have run into, say, a genetically modified baboon trained in the art of debate. Leiter challenges him on several points, and the baboon flies into a rage and eats him. Thus, "He disagreed with something that ate him." See, there's a pun the whole audience can enjoy.

Now that we think of it, "disagreed with something he ate" would have been perfect for the one earlier where Bond killed the guy by shoving the air capsule in his mouth. That guy did disagree with something he ate. Really, how hard is this?


Groan Factor: 7.5


#5.
Getting the Point



Film: Thunderball

Bond is having his final showdown with bad guy Vargas on board Vargas' luxury yacht, which is named the "Disco Volante." And, why not? Anyway, Vargas gains the upper hand and is about to shoot Bond when love interest Domino arrives and shoots Vargas in the back with a spear gun.

Bond says, "I think he got the point."

Vargas probably did get the point; the point you were trying to make is that he should die via spear to the spinal column. He totally understands that, now. But, spears are pointy too ... wait, that statement has a double meaning! Bond, you manslaughtering fool, you! What will you think of next?


Groan Factor: 8

#4.

Boner Reference No. 3




Film: A View to a Kill


Bond is investigating bad guy Max Zorin's horse racing racket when he meets Jenny Flex, horse trainer-type.

James Bond says, "Well my dear, I take it you spend quite a lot of time in the saddle."

Jenny Flex replies, "Yes, I love an early morning ride."

James Bond then responds, "Well, I'm an early riser myself."


As you see from the clip (the exchange is near the beginning), we have sexual innuendo delivered as if they're talking about the geological features of Nebraska.



We've come a long way as a society from Bogart and Bacall sultrily exchanging innuendo over cigarettes to Roger Moore and Allison Doody discussing sex as if it was as exciting as a variable interest-bearing mutual fund. Bond is so bored by the idea of sex at this point that the obligatory pun is a chore for him. "Yeah," he'll say, yawning and glancing at his watch, "I get boners a lot."


Groan Factor: 8

#3.

Boner Reference No.
4


Film: Diamonds are Forever



Bond and Plenty O'Toole ("Named after your father, perhaps?" remarks Bond) are making out when Plenty almost completely undresses and walks into the bedroom. Bond picks up her dress and turns around to find some henchmen are pointing guns at him.

James Bond says, "Well, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up."

Too much information, especially coming from a Sean Connery who, no matter what women thought of him in the '60s, probably looked like a cross between a leprechaun and Chewbacca when naked.



Groan Factor: 9


#2.

The Horrible Pun Marathon



Film: The Spy Who Loved Me



Maybe, we should call this one The Spy Who Made Constant Double Entendres For the Entire Movie, So Much So That No One Can Remember The Plot and Just Thinks It Was a Movie About Double Entendres. There are so many double entendres in The Spy Who Loved Me it's impossible to just single one out.


Bond (in a romantic mood)says, "When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures."

In another scene, M asks where Bond is. Moneypenny replies, "He's on a mission sir. In Austria."


M responds, "Well, tell him to pull out. Immediately!" (Cut to Bond having sex with a woman).

Elsewhere, Maj. Anya Amasova asks, "What happened to Kalba? (He was killed by being severely bitten by metal teeth--don't ask.)"

Bond answers, "He was cut off--permanently."

Also when referring to Jaws (the henchman with metal teeth), Bond says,
"He just dropped in for a quick bite." Then later, when Bond has Jaws restrained with a large magnet, says, "How does that grab you?

And finally, when Bond is discovered having sex with rogue agent Anya and Sir Frederick Gray asks, "Bond! What do you think you're doing?"

Bond replies, "Keeping the British end up, sir."

Wow. It's like the last four hours of The Matrix Revolutions, where the squid robots come pouring through the tunnel into Zion and a guy just stands there screaming and shooting them for about 73 solid minutes of screen time: the double entendres just keep coming.



Groan Factor (cumulative): 9.5


#1.

Cunning Linguist




Film: Tomorrow Never Dies

Bond is bragging to Moneypenny about bagging his Scandinavian language tutor.


Bond says, "I always enjoyed learning a new tongue."

Moneypenny replies, "You always were a cunning linguist, James."

Wait ... is she suggesting James Bond went down on her at some point in the past? That's a perfectly natural act between two consenting adults, we suppose. And, maybe it's our problem that the frat-boy innuendo seems par for the course for a man but cringe-worthy when coming from the mouth of a woman who looks like a matronly Reba McIntire.




We admit it. We're not ready for middle-aged woman innuendo, mostly because it brings up dark memories of dad walking into the kitchen and saying, "I've got the new fridge. I'll pull around and bring it in that way."

Mom then says, "You always did like putting it in the back door."

Then they'd give each other that hungry, knowing look. We'd stare at them over our cereal, not quite sure what was going on, but feeling the chill of something horrible having passed unseen through their conversation.

Thanks for the mental image, Mr. Bond.


Groan Factor: 10


If you liked this article, check out our rundown of The 5 Worst Lines of Dialogue (From Movies That Don't Actually Suck) .

FeedM8 - Go Mobile