Today, more than ever, celebrities are flocking to tattoo parlors in an effort to express themselves. After braving the level of public scrutiny that so many celebrities do, you would think that most would get timeless, or at least marginally-tasteful tattoos. However, it is almost inevitable that when a celebrity gets a tattoo, it end up horrible. Whether they decided on something that is obviously drug-induced, or a vain, failed attempt at trying to convince people that they are pretty and edgy, the end result is a varied level of embarrassment. Here is our list of the 18 celebrities that were douchebags before they got their tattoos, and then leveled up on the douchebag-meter because of the tattoos they decided to get.
Among Carter’s tattoos are: Asian symbols, a tribal armband, the misspelled “KAOS” in Old English, and a tribal sun. If one were to make a list of “The Worst Frat Boy tattoos”, they needn’t look further than Nick Carter. Or, he would at least provide enough material for the first several chapters.
Why couldn’t one of Mike Tyson’s friends or bodyguards stop him from getting that ridiculous Maori warrior facial tattoo? Does Mike Tyson still have friends or bodyguards?
Professional baseball players are not usually known to flaunt their body art. St. Louis Cardinals third-base man Scott Spiezio, however, is an exception. After winning a World Series title with the ‘02 Anaheim Angels, Spiezio ventured to distastefully chronicling his booze-saturated adventures on his arms. It’s a good thing that baseball players do not wear basketball jerseys.
Just minutes after Sheckler got this huge mistake inked on his back, we’re guessing a conversation like this took place:
Sheckler: “Dude check out my new tat!”
Reality TV starlet Nicole Richie used to have a serious weight problem. Somewhere in between then and shrinking down to her current skeletal size, she got some little wings tattooed on her back. Popular theory is that they serve as a reminder of her fight against being a big girl – the wings represent KFC Chicken Little sandwiches she was once addicted to.
Rock stars are supposed to have tattoos, because tattoos make you look like a badass (if you were in Van Halen, you of course didn’t need tattoos at all). And, as much as we like Dave Navarro, no one can look all that badass if their tattoos look like they came off of t-shirt designs at Hot Topic.
Rihanna’s boyfriend, Chris Brown, had a skull tattooed on the top of his hand. Rhianna answered by getting this ancient-fish-looking-thing tattooed on hers. Not exactly a successful one-upping.
What a difference a few years makes. The tattoos of a musical icon should give off an air that he/she acquired their body art while traveling the world. Instead, in Winehouse’s case, they look like the mistakes of a crack head from rural Iowa, purchased with cartons of menthol 100s.
Stallone used to be one of the most sought after action stars of the 80’s and 90’s. And those massive biceps of his were used exclusively for ass kicking. Now they look as if they are used to promote his wife and her new floral arranging business. He’s starting to look like a female Mr. Clean; we’re all just waiting for the hair loss.
Megan Fox is the sexiest woman alive. She also has some of the worst tattoos ever conceived. In interviews she often tries to attribute a deeper meaning to her body art. When is she going to realize that no one is listening?
Steve-O would like to give a shout out to his mom. “Hey Mom check me out! I’m on TV with a penis tattoo, bathed in red, white and blue wings”. Rumor has it he’ll be featured on Dancing With The Stars in an upcoming season, and we cannot wait to see if he’ll be wearing sleeveless, silk tops.
Pamela Anderson had perfect skin, amazing legs, and gigantic breasts. And, for some reason, she decided to take herself down a notch by getting a barbed wire tattoo wrap-around. This tattoo became the douche bag calling card of the 1990s, and remains so to this day.
Pink, we get it…you are a badass. You won’t put up with the chauvinist, patriarchal bull crap your mother and grandmother were subjected to. You dye your hair fuchsia, and scream your heart out in your angst filled, ‘men suck’ anthems…but what’s with the “Mr. Pink” tattoo on your inner thigh? Is there something else you’d like to tell us about your personal life?
Sisqo really knew how to make the booty shake with his genius lyrics - thong thong thong thong thong. For some reason, he felt it was his civic duty to celebrate a this form of female underwear. Thank you, Sisqo. Although some of the most annoying, nonsensical lyrics of all time, his “Thong Song” holds a special place in the hearts – and pants – of millions. Oh, and what self respecting man gets a tummy tattoo?
Britney, we knew you had a penchant for wild partying and head shaving, but now the secret is out: you’re a connoisseur of fine art as well. Featured here are dice (presumably drawn by her children) that her and ex-husband K-Fed got tattooed on their bodies to show everyone how much this redneck family loves Las Vegas. Apparently, souvenir shot glasses or even a timeshare was not enough for the Spears household.
A lot of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos represent her family, especially the new one on her arm with the longitude and latitude of her kids’ births. I’m sure that if I had 37 kids from all over the globe I would have a hard time trying to remember where they all came from too.
While he hasn’t been in the news much lately, Dennis Rodman cannot be left out of this list. Madonna’s influence over Rodman lives on in his many piercings and tattoos. The couple dated in 1994, until Madonna realized whom she was sleeping with. The sweet flame tattoo Rodman got on his arm, however, was later modified to include leopard shading when a stripper told him that it would, “be cool.”
America’s favorite bi-sexual Myspace.com diva, Tila Tequila, has made quite a name for herself. Who knew that having hundreds of thousands of friends on Myspace could lead to near-celebrity status? Cash out on your popularity while you can Tequila, because with each musically influenced heart tattoo you get (one on each arm) your star will be continually on the decline. Unless you keep getting more and more ridiculous, which we can only hope for.