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Thursday, September 25, 2008


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Jessica Alba isn't even doing anything in these pictures from Mexico, and yet, I can't stop staring. Her ass is awesome. God and satan could be in a gun fight behind her and I’d still just stare at that ass. I think I’m in love. And it might be mutual. Are guys picking up on all the sexual tension between me and these pictures. Slow down Jessica Pictures, the chase is part of the fun.

7 Completely No-Brainer Ways To Go Green And Save Money

green earth

Going green doesn't have to mean losing green. There are so many ways to be eco-friendly without getting rid of the paper in your bank account. Sometimes, being green is not only pricey, but also complicated, and inconvenient for the average person. Composting, making your own bio-fuel, buying only organic-- all are great for the environment, but unrealistic for the newly green. Follow these steps to make your life greener, with less money spent.

clothes line

Dry Clothes the Natural Way
Return to the virtuous days of old, when laundry was hung outside to dry. Let your clothes air-dry instead of wasting massive amounts of energy in the dryer. Not only will your wallet thank you, but your clothes will benefit from the open-air freshness.


Use Body Heat This Winter
Find someone to cuddle with by Winter. This is free and fun, and it actually works. Your body is a toasty 98.6 degrees, so hugging someone else is the best form of insulation. It's cheaper than raising the thermostat, and it doesn't put a strain on the earth.

vampire power

Say No to Vampire Power
Appliances like printers, blenders, and blow-dryers that remain plugged in while not in use drain your energy slowly. It's a process called vampire power. You may think that because these items are not in use, you're not using electricity, but the truth is that these appliances are always in stand-by mode, and require small amounts of electricity constantly. The more appliances you have plugged in, the more energy you consume. And it can really add up. A simple remedy is to go around the house and unplug unnecessary things, like that old VCR that you never use, or the TV in the guest room. At night, when you shut off your computer, switch off the power strip as well. Unplug fully charged cell phones from the adapter, and unplug the adapter from the wall, too!


Digitize Your Reading
Don't allow more trees to die! Take your reading into the 21st century by reading online or using a Kindle. Of course you can still check out books from the library (or read them an hour at a time at your local bookstore), but both of those option require you to leave home and burn up some more fossil fuel! And remember that websites like Barnes & Noble allow you to buy used books directly from their site. It's cheaper than buying new, and you can feel better about your impact on the environment.

shopping bag

BYOB: Bring Your Own Bags
Leaving the grocery store with a heap of plastic bags is so not cool anymore that many cities are banning them. Although paper is a smidgen better, using cloth bags is that much closer to perfection. Bags are not really necessary at all if you compartmentalize your trunk with a recyclable box and put your food directly from your cart into your box. When the cashier asks, "paper or plastic," you can say "neither!" and feel good about reducing the amount of plastic in landfills. It may feel weirdly pedestrian initially, but the awkwardness will wear off!

tap water

Bye Bye Bottled Water
Recent studies have shown that filtered tap water is just as healthy as expensive bottled water. It's time to say goodbye to bottled water that pollutes the earth with long-lasting plastics. Invest in a metal bottle and a simple tap water filter. It'll definitely be cheaper than constantly buying bottled water, and it's healthier for the earth.

Work From Home
Everyone knows that gas prices are going up, but so are all energy prices. Carpooling is so yesterday. If you can convince your boss to let you telecommute a few days a week, you'll be saving both you and your company money. With freely available remote access technology at your fingertips, you can easily work from home without skipping a beat.

These are just some of the many low-to-no-cost things you can do to make a positive impact in the environment, have a lighter carbon footprint, and make the world a little greener. Don't just sit there: be the change you wish to see in the world.

PhoneSaber finally re-released as Lightsaber Unleashed – Oh, and yeah, THQ ruined it

September 24th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

[Note, as of this writing, Lightsaber has not yet hit the iTunes store, but it DOES show up in your updates if you previously bought PhoneSaber]

There was much speculation a few months back when THQ asked TheMacBox to remove their popular free PhoneSaber Star Wars app from the iTunes store citing copyright issues (apparently you can’t just make apps based on popular movies without permission… who knew?). Many wondered if it would still be free when it returned, while others (including us) wondered if it would return as looking like a Nascar Car, full of ads and excess marketing crap.

Well, it’s still free….

You now choose a color of lightsaber by clicking on a character. I hope you like RED.

Last month the TheMacBox confirmed that THQ actually was “pretty cool” about the whole thing, and were going to be working with them to bring about a more official, licensed version of the app to the iTunes store. Well, long story short, the long awaited updated has indeed arrived in the form of Lightsaber Unleashed, a mixed bag of an update that ultimately we feel does more harm than good.

The Light Side

We have to admit there are a couple nice things about the update. First, there is now a “music” button which plays a very intense selection of Star Wars “action” type music that goes a long way towards adding a feeling of intensity to your lightsaber battles.

The Lightsaber looks basically the same – you can still battle in regular or full screen saber mode.

Another nice addition is the ability to choose your color of lightsaber by choosing a character from the Star Wars universe. Unfortunately unless you are an uber Star Wars geek, odds are you’ve only heard of one of them. Other than that, graphically the game has not changed much. You still have a choice of full screen or regular dueling mode, and the sounds seem more or less identical (there might be 1 extra swoosh or something, but nothing that is all that noticeable).

The Dark Side

Isn’t this the splash screen for The Force Unleashed? Why am I seeing it when I launch Lightsaber Unleashed?

The two best things about using the original PhoneSaber app were that 1) The app loaded quickly, allowing you to quickly do battle with a fellow geek, and 2) you had a choice of 5 different colors of lightsabers to choose from. Well, with the THQ-blessed Lightsaber, you now have to sit through a splash screen for The Force Unleashed (Lightsaber doesn’t have its own splash screen) and a “commercial” screen asking you if you want to buy the new THQ Star Wars iPhone game The Force Unleashed before you are able to activate your Lightsaber. EVERY time you launch the app.

Once you load the app, you are given a choice between 5 different Star Wars characters to do battle as. At first you might think these 5 would correspond to the 5 colors of lightsabers you had in the original PhoneSaber app, but you’d be wrong. Sure, you still have the choice of 5 colors, but 3 of them are RED. That’s right, they have 3 characters who have the exact same colored LightSaber, so no yellow or purple saber for you. I might also be crazy, but the accelerometer’s sensitivity to shaking seems somewhat less responsive than I remember the original PhoneSaber’s being.

Yeah! I LOVE clicking through this screen each time! (How about “No Thanks” once and this goes away?!

So yes, we totally understand THQ needing to protect its licensed properties, but unfortunately THQ has made Lightsaber Unleashed into nothing more than a commercial for TFU, and by stripping away the ability to do a quick battle and limiting the number of Saber colors, THQ has given PhoneSaber users very little reason to upgrade. The battle music is nice, but ultimately not enough that I can recommend replacing PhoneSaber with this version.

Kivalina, Alaska: A Melting Village

At the tip of a barrier island above the Arctic Circle, a village is melting into the sea. What one town's struggle for survival means for us all...

read more | digg story

New VW Jetta Diesel Tops Prius in Fuel-Economy Marathon Test

New VW Jetta Diesel Tops Prius in Fuel-Economy Marathon Test It's this year's ultimate MPG comparison test: the just-released 2009 Volskwagen Jetta TDi diesel against the uber-popular 2008 Toyota Prius hybrid. And has it first, with nearly 500 miles of city and highway driving—and some very surprising results.

Published on: September 24, 2008

As oil prices spiked over the summer, consumers had exactly one choice if they wanted to buy themselves a supercar in terms of fuel economy: the Toyota Prius. There were so few options in the marketplace that Ebay saw record numbers of used economy cars and hybrids flood its auction pages. But what about a brand-new clean diesel ride? We drove the Volkswagen Jetta TDi in Europe right after VW introduced it here last fall—at which point many expected this would-be Prius-beater to arrive stateside in June. It didn't.

Well after a long season at the pump, VW unleashed the 2009 Jetta TDi on the United States last week. So we picked up our new diesel ride and decided to take it right into battle against its natural hybrid foe (before Toyota's 2009 model gives way to the 2010 plug-in hybrid Prius), to the tune of a two-day, 474-mile efficiency showdown.

Our $24,190 Jetta TDi Loyal Edition DSG came fairly well equipped but did lack a navigation system, while at $28,254 our 2008 Prius came with a luxurious $5925 Touring package that included navigation and leather. Nonetheless, we devised a two-day, two-tank regimen to give the fuel economy on both vehicles as thorough a run as humanly possible. Day One crammed in an approximation of a full week's worth of pure city commuting. The second day estimated a typical highway road trip locked on cruise control at a constant speed. Since fuel economy is so dependent on driving style, we accelerated as smoothly and consistently as possible in both tests. Our general rule was to accelerate from each stop with just enough throttle to be as quick as the slowest car leaving the light. This, we believe, best approximates the driving style that an average consumer would adopt with fuel economy as a main priority. So who took the mileage prize? The newfangled diesel or the reigning champ? Here's the bottom line from PM's exclusive test. Warning: The numbers aren't what you might expect.

The City

Our route was a brutal test of both the vehicles' capabilities—and our drivers' patience. It took us 11 hours to travel 238 city miles covering four counties in southern California, under conditions varying from rush hour in downtown L.A. to wide-open, 40-mph country lanes. At no point on this route did we enter a freeway—or even hit a road with a speed limit higher than 45 mph.

The Prius gets its power from a 75-hp 1.5-liter four cylinder with 82 lb.-ft. of torque hooked to a continuously variable planetary gearset. It's boosted by two electric motors for a grand total of 110 hp. As you pull away from a stop under light throttle, the electric motors do most of the work—until about 10 to 15 mph, that is, when the gasoline engine kicks in. The experience, as many a Prius driver has learned, is incredibly smooth and silent.

And as plenty of new buyers will soon discover, under half-throttle or less the Jetta TDi moves with ease that speaks to its impressive torque figure—236 lb.-ft. of torque generated from a 140-hp, 2.0-liter four-cylinder turbo diesel paired to VW's six-speed DSG transmission. The new clean Jetta can loaf along, shifting at around 1500 rpm while still providing enough acceleration to keep up with the flow of traffic. The Prius, on the other hand, needs more throttle to accomplish the same speeds. And the few times we did flat-out acceleration runs to 50 mph or so, it was clear that the Jetta is much quicker. The TDI will even chirp the tires, under the right circumstances.

So where was the more pleasurable place to spend those 11 hours around La La Land? Inside the Jetta—its more traditional cockpit and far more luxurious materials make the new car as cozy as the Prius is cold. The driving position of the Prius makes you feel like you're sitting on the car instead of in it. And since the steering wheel is only adjustable for tilt and not telescope, larger drivers must move the seat a bit too far forward. Yet the Prius, with its funky shifter and digital dash, still conveys that future-car vibe better than anything on the market. As you hustle and joust with traffic, the Prius's quick steering makes it the more nimble of the two. And at just under 3000 pounds, the Prius carries about 200 pounds less weight. But in terms of ride quality and refinement, the edge swings back to the Jetta.

Results (238 City Miles)

Prius: 44.7 mpg /// Jetta: 32 mpg
We expected the Prius to dominate our city test, and it did. After all, the hybrid powertrain meant that every time we hit a red light or traffic snarl, the Prius would sit silently—burning absolutely no fuel. But the Prius's overall 44.7-mpg count is still about 3 mpg less than the EPA city figure of 48. And, interestingly, the Jetta TDi's 32 mpg are exactly four mpg more than its EPA city rating. Still, it's clear that in city-only driving the Prius has no equal—except perhaps a motorcycle. On the open road? Well that's a very different story.

The Highway

Our highway test loop took us from the cool ocean breezes of Santa Monica to the hot desert winds near Palm Springs. We set the cruise control to 65 mph as often as possible to maximize fuel economy.

As was the case in the previous day's city test, it soon became clear that the Jetta was the hot rod of this duo. When we absolutely needed to punch the throttle to merge with traffic, the Jetta left the Prius behind. Shift the DSG into Sport mode, and it will downshift rather brilliantly as you enter a sweeping bend. The Jetta's drivetrain almost encourages you to burn fuel—that is, it's actually fun to drive. And the same cannot be said for the Prius.

On long, undulating freeway bumps, the Jetta is better damped, and it delivered less road noise than the Prius to boot (though the differences between the two are more negligible on the freeway).

Results (238 Highway Miles)

Jetta: 45.4 MPG /// Prius: 44.8 MPG
Since the Prius so handily whipped the Jetta in the city, we were hoping the highway portion might provide a closer test result. And over the exact same route at the exact same speeds and under the same conditions, it appears America has a surprising new fuel-economy champ.

The Bottom Line

It appears clear, no matter what the driving conditions, that the Toyota Prius will return around 44 mpg—if driven with a sane right foot. That's impressive, and that means the Prius remains the most fuel-efficient car on the market. The Jetta falls short in pure city driving, but it does meet (and barely beats) the Prius when it comes to highway fuel economy in our testing.

The price of fuel, of course, remains a big factor. On our test days, regular unleaded was $3.79 a gallon and diesel was $4.09. So on the city drive, which approximated a week's worth of stop-and-go commuting, the Jetta required about $10 more fuel to do the same job. Over a year, that would equate to about $500 if fuel prices stabilize. Granted, that's a big "if," and 500 bucks ain't nothing with an economy like ours. But the Jetta is eligible for a $1300 "Advanced Lean Burn Technology Motor Vehicle federal income tax credit," and $1300 buys a lot of diesel. Looked at another way, $1300 reduces the Jetta TDi's $22,640 base price to $21,340 if you include the destination charge. The base price of the 2008 Toyota Prius, by comparison, is $22,660. So on those terms, the Prius becomes $1320 more expensive than the new Jetta. Surprisingly enough, the Prius is not eligible for this tax credit, although Toyota may be gearing up for that fight.

But tax credits aside, when it comes down to which of these two popular efficient cars is more fun and more comfortable to drive everyday, it's an easy pick: We like the Jetta TDi, and the fuel-economy numbers in the real world for VW's new player make it—gasp!—a legit Prius fighter.

Tribute To The Yankee Stadium - Built With Legos [PIC]

Dedication, passion whatever you call it. This is simply bad its Yankee Stadium. maybe we should hire this guy to make a Fenway Legos...

read more | digg story

The Stogie Guys- 9 Reasons to buy More Cigars

Sure it is tough times economically right now, but that shouldn’t deter you from buying cigars. In case you have any doubts (or need help convincing someone that now is the right tome to stock up), here are nine reasons you should be increasing your cigar reserves right now:

Hurricanes, Floods, and LocustsHurricanes and other natural disasters (including insect infestations or mold) could strike tobacco producing countries at any time, devastating the tobacco crop, limiting supply, and driving up the prices of whatever remains. If you have enough cigars before disaster hits, you can ride out the storm.

Stupid Politicians — They’re only one vote away from levying a massive tax on cigars or outright banning our combustible tobacco treats. There is, however, one sure way to avoid paying the taxes of the future (or having to purchase black market cigars of questionable origin): Start storing up now.

Food and Booze — Enjoying some fine dining or top shelf booze? Everyone knows that a good meal or great spirit is made better when followed by, or enjoyed with, a good cigar. You’re practically throwing your money away every time you eat or drink and fail to top it off with a fine smoke.

Cheap — I’ve said it before: Cigars are cheap compared to most entertainment and would still be even if prices doubled tomorrow (not that I’m in favor of that). Think about it, a trip to the movies can can run $40 for two people, a baseball game twice that much. Yet for five or ten dollars, you can smoke a cigar for an hour or two. Basic economics tells us when something is so under-priced it should be bought up.

Aging — Cigars, at least many good ones, get better with age. Months, years, or even decades can do wonders for the flavor of a fine stogie. The problem is waiting for the cigars to age without smoking them all. Fortunately, there is a solution: Buy so many cigars that it’ll take years to smoke them all.

Celebrations — There are countless reasons to celebrate, and many often come up unexpected. The only way to be prepared is to have a massive stash of cigars ready to go. After all, you can’t plan a drunken Vegas wedding…but you can have enough smokes on hand to celebrate the occasion.

Investment — The stock market is tanking, mortgages are defaulting, and inflation is killing the dollar, but cigars remain a good investment. Think about it. If you bought a box of Opus X cigars one year ago, it would have out-performed pretty much every stock in the Dow Jones. And given all the reasons on this list, demand (and thus prices) will only go up.

Bargains — Nearly everyday there is a great deal on one website or another, or at your local B&M (not to mention the “Deal of the Week” featured in every Friday Sampler). Any of these could expire tomorrow, leaving you stuck paying more for a cigar than you otherwise would have. Therefore, it is always smart to take advantage of these deals, right?

Idiot Repellent — Let’s face it: There are a lot of dumb, annoying people around, and the dumber and more annoying, the more likely they are to give you their unsolicited, unwanted, and uninformed opinions. Fortunately, these stupid people are also the most likely to be annoyed by the wonderful aroma of a fine cigar, making smoking the perfect way to keep such undesirables away.

photo credit: Flickr

WaMu Plunges as Buyer hopes Dim

NEW YORK ( -- Washington Mutual's stock plunged Thursday despite reports that the company was actively looking for a buyer.

Shares of WaMu (WM, Fortune 500) were down more than 20% in afternoon trading, suggesting that the endgame for the embattled savings and loan may be rapidly approaching following ratings agency downgrades. At one point, the stock had fallen as much as 30%.

Earlier Thursday, The Wall Street Journal reported that WaMu has approached private equity firms Carlyle Group and Blackstone Group (BX) about a potential takeover of the firm.

Separately, The New York Times reported that federal regulators are also rushing to broker a deal as financial pressures mount on the firm.

The Times said that Citigroup (C, Fortune 500), JPMorgan Chase (JPM, Fortune 500), British bank HSBC (HBC), Spanish bank Banco Santander (STD) and Wells Fargo (WFC, Fortune 500) have shown interest in bidding for all or part of WaMu.

But one fund manager said the fact that WaMu's stock plummeted in the afternoon following a 13% rise in pre-market trading Thursday morning may be a sign that WaMu is having a difficult time convincing anyone to buy it.

"Obviously, it appears that [the bidding process] is not going well," said Christopher Wiles, who helps oversee about $30 billion at Allegiant Asset Management, including finance stocks. His fund does not own shares of WaMu.

The slide in WaMu's stock was also in stark contrast to what most other bank stocks were doing following the news that Congress had come to an agreement on the framework for a bank bailout plan.

Shares of other battered banks, such as Wachovia (WB, Fortune 500), Citigroup and Morgan Stanley (MS, Fortune 500), soared Thursday afternoon.

Spokespersons for WaMu, Carlyle, Blackstone, JPMorgan Chase, HSBC and Citigroup refused to comment about the reports.

A spokeswoman for the FDIC, the government agency that insures bank deposits and is in charge of taking over failed banks, would also not comment about whether it was helping WaMu find a buyer.

WaMu has been hit by a series of credit downgrades in the past month, which has increased the urgency on the company to find a buyer. The credit agency Standard & Poor's downgraded WaMu on Wednesday, lowering the firm from junk status to an even lower junk status.

Rating agency DBRS also downgraded WaMu on Wednesday, lowering the holding company's credit rating to junk bond status but keeping the firm's banking business at investment grade status.

"They do have a very strong retail franchise," said DBRS analyst Steve Picarillo, referring to WaMu's nearly 2300 branches across the nation.

WaMu has been one of the most hard-hit companies during the financial crisis. The company is the nation's largest savings & loan. As a result, much of its assets are tied up in mortgages, many of which have gone sour as housing prices fell.

But Picarillo said that WaMu's survival isn't entirely dependent on its retail business or even on a potential buyer. He said the firm could benefit from the bank bailout, which will involve a massive government investment in toxic mortgage-related holdings.

WaMu's stock has plunged 83% this year and the company has reported three consecutive quarterly losses. Analysts expect WaMu to lose money again in the third quarter and to post losses for the full year as well as for 2009. To top of page

Lawmakers Agree on Bailout Plan

NEW YORK ( -- Lawmakers have reached agreement on a bipartisan counterproposal to the Bush administration's $700 billion financial bailout plan.

Both parties and the House and Senate agreed Thursday to a set of principles on revisions to the rescue plan, which calls for the Treasury Department to buy up bad mortgage securities from banks in an effort to get them to lend again.

The proposal will help homeowners, curb executive pay packages at participating firms and provide oversight of Treasury's actions, said Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., a key architect of the congressional effort. He did not provide details but said lawmakers will sit down with Treasury officials to discuss it.

"We've reached a fundamental agreement on a set of principles, one, for taxpayers, which is tremendously important," Dodd said. "We're very confident we can act expeditiously."

Administration officials said they were pleased that progress is being made.

"We'll want to hear from Secretary Paulson, and take a look at the details," said Tony Fratto, a White House spokesman. "We look forward to a good discussion at the meeting this afternoon."

The provisions Congress wants to add to the administration's plan should make Americans "legitimately feel better about the overall approach," said Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., who heads the House Financial Services Committee.

Taxpayers would be protected under the congressional version of the bailout, said Rep. Spencer Bachus, R-Ala., the top Republican on the House Financial Services Committee. Congress' additions to the proposal call for the Treasury to be "reimbursed for their expenditures," he said.

Lawmakers said they wanted to send a message to the markets to calm down. Wall Street heard the message, sending the Dow Jones Industrial Average up more than 300 points after the agreement was announced. It then settled back to a gain of 250 points. To top of page

Relax, It's not Armageddon

NEW YORK (Fortune) -- Here's what's wrong with most of what we're hearing and reading on the financial crisis: It forgets that people aren't potted plants.

Whether they're Wall Street executives, homeowners in a down market, entrepreneurs facing a credit squeeze, or politicians facing re-election, people don't just sit there and allow events to beat them up. Instead, they anticipate and they respond.

I don't claim special powers to know what how today's crisis will turn out-or what the consequences will be of the actions that attempt to solve that crisis. But I know for sure that some of what we're reading and hearing doesn't reflect clear thinking. Here are three particularly important instances:

The economy: The most troubling element of what we're reading and hearing is the constant references to the Great Depression. The error is in forgetting that all real-world situations are dynamic. The Depression itself was a dynamic sequence. It wouldn't have happened if the Fed hadn't insanely tightened credit in response to the stock market crash, rather than the correct policy of easing interest rates. And it wouldn't have happened if Congress hadn't clamped down on trade through the Smoot-Hawley bill.

Those things aren't happening this time. Instead, Congress is apparently on the road to unfreezing the credit markets. More important, America is a nation of 300 million resourceful people who will find opportunities in the current situation that you and I cannot imagine.

After President Bush's speech on Wednesday evening, Brian Williams on NBC called this "the worst financial disaster in more than a generation." No, it is not that. A crisis, yes; a disaster, no. Of course, it could still become one. But for now, calling it a disaster is a dramatic overreaction.

CEO pay: Congress seems determined to make CEOs of financial firms suffer, and who can blame it? If taxpayers are going to bail out the firms at the root of the crisis, then the political imperative is that the leaders of those firms must be seen to pay a price. Fine. Just remember that CEOs aren't potted plants.

The last time Congress tried to crack down on CEO pay was in 1993, when it amended the tax code (section 162(m), in case you care) so that pay above $1 million was not tax deductible to the employer if it wasn't performance-based. No problem, said companies - we'll just cap salary at $1 million and ladle on stock options, which by definition are performance-based, in staggering amounts. There followed the greatest bull market in history, and because of all those options CEOs made far more money than they ever would have if 162(m) hadn't happened.

How will CEOs turn the new pay restrictions to their advantage? I don't know. But you just watch.

"The end of Wall Street": The premise is that seven months ago there were five major investment banks, and now there are none. Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed; Merrill Lynch (MER, Fortune 500) got sold to a commercial bank, Bank of America (BAC, Fortune 500); and Goldman Sachs (GS, Fortune 500) and Morgan Stanley (MS, Fortune 500) are converting to commercial bank holding companies. Thus, no more investment banks and the end of Wall Street as we know it.

I don't buy it. Have the advantages of the independent investment bank model forever vanished? Of course not. Will the attractions of that model - avoiding the regulations and capital requirements of commercial banks - again become apparent as the current crisis fades? Certainly. Will entrepreneurs - mostly bankers fired from the former Big Five - rush to start new firms, adapting ingeniously to the new rules, as economic conditions eventually become amenable? Of course they will.

In the rush of recent events it's hard to think about the world five years from now. But that world will come, and when it does, we'll look back and realize that what just happened wasn't the end of Wall Street. Rather it was the extinction of the dinosaurs. New species are on the way. I promise you they're in gestation right now.

I certainly don't know what's going to happen. But I know for sure that it's going to be shaped by millions of players in an infinitely complex global economy. And I know that they wield ingenuity and creativity on a scale that none of us individually can imagine. You never know whether the result will be for the better, but our system seems to possess a self-correcting impulse. Most important, as we try to divine what will happen next, let's not forget that through the tumult, no one sits still. To top of page

Brown retires after 15 seasons with Patriots

Click here for a Memorable Picture Gallery

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. -- Troy Brown retired Thursday after 15 seasons with the New England Patriots in which he set a team record for most receptions.

The wide receiver, who hasn't played this season, made the announcement at a news conference Thursday attended by team owner Robert Kraft and coach Bill Belichick.

Brown spent his entire NFL career with the Patriots after they drafted him in the eighth round in 1993 out of Marshall. His 557 catches are first in team history and his 6,366 yards receiving are second to Stanley Morgan's 10,352. Brown played in one Pro Bowl, after the 2001 season.

He also played defensive back late in his career. In 2007, he played in one game in which he fielded six punts but had no receptions and didn't play defense.

Brown, 37, said that when he watches football on television, he sometimes thinks he can still play.

"It's been a part of my life since I was in second grade, 30 years," he said. "You can't outrun Father Time."

Brown spoke on a podium in front of a video screen showing highlights of his career. On the walls around him were eight large color photographs of him in action on the field.

"He always put team first. He stayed with the Patriots throughout his whole career" even though he could have gone to another team for more money, Kraft said.

Brown was primarily a kickoff and punt returner in his first four seasons, catching a total of 37 passes and never starting a game. But in 1997 he started six games and finished with 41 receptions. He caught 83 passes in 2000, then set a single-season team record in 2001 with 101 catches. Wes Welker broke that last season with 112.

In 2004, when injuries struck the secondary, Brown played in 12 games as a defensive back and intercepted three passes.

"He had some big plays for us on the defensive side of the ball," Belichick said. "Troy, we have so many great memories of you and all that you've done for this organization."

Brown, thought by some to be too small and slow to be an effective receiver, thanked Belichick "for just believing in me."

The Patriots let him become an unrestricted free agent after the 2000, 2005 and 2006 seasons, but re-signed him each time.

Brown began last season on the physically unable to perform list before being activated with five games left. He was inactive for all but one, against Miami in the next-to-last game, and didn't play in the postseason.

With his wife and two sons sitting in the front row, Brown fought back tears.

"It's just kind of hard to let it go," he said. "I can't keep up anymore the way I used to."

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

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Maserati GranTurismo MC Concept Revealed

MONZA, Italy — Maserati introduced the GranTurismo MC Concept, expected to be its next Trofeo Maserati racing car, on the track here this week. It was developed by the Maserati Style Centre as a racing version of the GranTurismo S that was introduced at the 2008 Geneva Auto Show in March. The automaker says it has improved the car's aerodynamics and performance while ensuring the changes were "without detriment to its elegant, curvaceous line."

Weight has been cut and the engine mapping and intake and exhaust systems have all been changed to increase performance. The 4.7-liter V8 engine now makes 450 horsepower and 376 pound-feet of torque. In front, there's a new splitter and two large air intakes added to the grille, plus a new hood with a dynamic air inlet and two additional air vents. More air vents are added to the side, linked to new "miniskirts" under the doors. The fenders and trunk spoiler have both been changed.

Upgraded brakes, a lightened and stiffened chassis and changed suspension settings all add to the racing capability of the concept. It also gets an FIA-approved integral roll cage, and a new set of 18-inch front and rear wheels with racing slicks.

The GranTurismo MC Concept was tested over the summer by driver Andrea Bertolini of the Vodafone FIA GT team and will be made available for sale to individuals who want to race in GT3 or GT4 classes.

What this means to you: Maserati puts a gleam in the eye of the weekend racer. — Laura Sky Brown, Correspondent

Another Sneak Peak at Lamborghini's rumored 4 Door

SANT' AGATA, Italy — Lamborghini continues to play out its pre-2008 Paris Auto Show bump and grind, releasing a third teaser image of what is widely expected to be the brand's first-ever four-door, a high-performance competitor to the forthcoming Porsche Panamera.

This time, we're offered a peak at the taillights — make that a single taillight, resembling a horizontal blade, with the deck-lid cutline intersecting it horizontally.

Add to that the previous images of the front tire, wheel and wheel arch, as well as the rear diffuser and center valance, and you have…not much.

Lambo earlier in the week pooh-poohed widespread Web speculation that its Paris concept will be called Urus, a name that it has registered and trademarked in Europe.

What this means to you: At least one enterprising Web site has made a mirror image of the taillamp image, then superimposed the rear valance and diffuser to create a fairly accurate montage of the car's rear end. — Paul Lienert, Correspondent

Congress Approves $25 Billion in Loans to US Auto Industry

WASHINGTON — The U.S. House of Representatives on Wednesday passed a funding bill that includes federal guarantees of up to $25 billion in loans to the struggling auto industry. The low-interest loans are designed to help automakers and suppliers retool to build more fuel-efficient vehicles.

The U.S. Senate may take up the bill on Thursday, and President Bush is expected to sign it. Michigan lawmakers are expected to push for another phase of loans for the auto industry that would add $25 billion more. "The industry's case has been helped by the fact that Michigan and Ohio, the two states most dependent on the car industry, are key swing states in the November 4 presidential election," said the Financial Times on Thursday.

The money is not expected to become available to the auto industry until early next year, after the energy department has written regulations detailing such things as conditions for repayment. The automotive loans are separate from the proposed $700 billion bailout for the banking sector. The auto loans are estimated to cost taxpayers $7.5 billion.

In an interesting footnote, the funding bill that includes the federal loan guarantees for the auto industry restricts benefits to plants that have been in operation for at least 20 years, effectively excluding most foreign automakers.

Detroit didn't fully get its way with the federal loan guarantees. Automakers failed to convince lawmakers to ease terms that restrict loans to projects for vehicles that improve fuel efficiency by 25 percent over comparable models.

What this means to you: Don't think of this as a free bailout, because the loans to Detroit automakers must be repaid. — Anita Lienert, Correspondent

China launches mission for first spacewalk

A Chinese soldier stands guard near the Shenzhou-7 manned spaceship, the Long-March II-F rocket, and the launch pad at the Jiuquan launch center in Jiuquan, China's northwest Gansu province, Saturday, Sept. 20, 2008. A Chinese astronaut will conduct the country's first spacewalk on Friday afternoon local time, state media reported.

A Chinese soldier stands guard near the Shenzhou-7 manned spaceship, the Long-March II-F rocket, and the launch pad at the Jiuquan launch center in Jiuquan, China's northwest Gansu province, Saturday, Sept. 20, 2008. A Chinese astronaut will conduct the country's first spacewalk on Friday afternoon local time, state media reported. (AP Photo/Color China Photo)

By Wong Wai-Bor Associated Press Writer / September 25, 2008

JIUQUAN, China—China successfully launched a three-man crew into space Thursday to carry out the country's first spacewalk, beginning the nation's most challenging space mission since it first sent a person into space in 2003.

The Shenzhou 7 spacecraft, China's third manned mission, blasted off atop a Long March 2F rocket shortly after 9 a.m. EDT under clear night skies in northwestern China.

The spacewalk by one of the astronauts is expected to take place either on Friday or Saturday.

Underscoring the mission's heavy political overtones, Chinese President and Communist Party head Hu Jintao was shown live on state television hailing the astronauts at the launch site near the northwestern town of Jiuquan.

"You will definitely accomplish this glorious and sacred mission. The motherland and the people are looking forward to your triumphant return," Hu told the three, who were dressed in their flight suits and behind glass to avoid germs.

The mission is expected to last three to four days. The spacewalk will last about 40 minutes.

The spacewalk is expected to help China master the technology for docking two orbiters to create China's first orbiting space station in the next few years.

The spacewalk could happen either Friday or Saturday depending on how well the astronauts adapt to weightlessness and other physical demands of their environment, according to the China Manned Space Engineering Office.

The astronauts would return to Earth soon after the spacewalk, the office said.

The two astronauts who don spacesuits for the Shengzhou 7 spacewalk will be supported by Russian experts throughout the mission. Only one will actually leave the orbiter module to retrieve scientific experiments placed outside.

China launches mission for first spacewalk
Crowds cheered Chinese astronauts at a ceremony today before the launch of the Shenzhou 7. (AP, 12:33 p.m.)

One of the astronauts will wear China's homemade Feitian suit, while the other will wear a Russian-made suit.

Fighter pilot Zhai Zhigang, an unsuccessful candidate for the previous two manned missions, has been touted by the official Xinhua News Agency as the leading astronaut to carry out the spacewalk.

Zhai and fellow astronauts and fighter pilots Jing Haipeng and Liu Boming -- all age 42 -- were introduced to journalists at a news conference late Wednesday.

A decade of training together ensured effective, smooth cooperation between the three, Liu said.

"The Shenzhou 7 mission marks a historic breakthrough in China's manned space program," Zhai said. "It is a great honor for all three of us to fly the mission, and we are fully prepared for the challenge."

Before the launch, Chinese Officials again expressed a desire for closer cooperation with other nations in space. But some nations, especially the United States, remain dubious of the Chinese program's military backing and are keeping Beijing at arms-length on projects such as the international space station.

"The U.S. concern is that cooperation with China could lead to a sharing of technology and expertise that could improve Chinese space and missile capabilities, which also could have military utility," the Union of Concerned Scientists, a U.S.-based group that researches the Chinese space program, said in a report issued Tuesday.

China, meanwhile, sees such restrictions as excessive and believes the U.S. aim is to "slow the pace of China's overall economic and technical progress," the group said.

China has a limited partnership with the European Space Agency on the Galileo navigation satellite network to compete with the U.S. Global Positioning System. Chinese space program officials point to such programs as signs of growing international involvement.

"International cooperation is an inevitable trend in manned space flights, which are large-scale projects with complex technologies and huge investment," Chen Shanguang, director of the China Astronaut Research and Training Center.

Chen was quoted by the official Xinhua News Agency as saying China could soon begin training astronauts for other countries, a service now provided by Russia and the United States.

Dean Cheng, who tracks Chinese military and technology issues at the U.S. Center for Naval Analysis, says China is likely to "cherry pick" successful foreign know-how, such as the Russian space suit and spacewalk expertise.

But Cheng said he doesn't foresee cooperation in the near future along the lines of the 1975 Apollo-Soyuz mission that brought Cold War rivals the U.S. and former Soviet Union together in space.

"I would suspect the Chinese want to advance the state of their own space capabilities before they engage in a joint mission with the Russians, if only to underscore that they are an equal in space," Cheng said.


Associated Press writer Christopher Bodeen in Beijing contributed to this report.

Apple has nothing to fear from T-mobile G1

By Chris Foresman |

T-mobile unveiled the G1 yesterday, an HTC-built handset using Google's Android mobile operating system. Many praise Google for its far more open approach to the OS and application distribution compared to Apple's walled garden. However, Piper Jaffray analyst Gene Muster says, in a note seen by AppleInsider, that Apple will experience "little or no impact on near-term iPhone sales" as a result of the G1 launch.

While both phones aim to bring smartphone features to the masses, Google simply provides the OS and a developer's SDK; handset manufacturers are free to license the OS for their hardware if they choose, similar in that respect to Symbian or Windows Mobile. Apple, on the other hand, makes the OS and the hardware, and developers must submit their apps for review before being allowed to distribute via the App Store.

Though the G1 is looking pretty darn open compared to the iPhone, it does have some issues that might drive away potential customers. For instance, it is SIM-locked to its carrier and can't be used as a tethered modem with a laptop, both common criticisms of the iPhone as well. The phone doesn't sync with a computer, instead relying solely on Google's mobile web-based applications, and has no Exchange support for enterprise customers. For heavy iTunes users, the handset isn't compatible with any FairPlay-protected content, and can't even play video out of the box. And, the hardware doesn't include a standard headphone jack, instead requiring an adapter for HTC's proprietary connector.

With the open-source nature of the OS and mated the right hardware, Android certainly has potential to be a viable competitor in today's mobile space. "[Yesterday's] announcement in itself does not change anything, however, if over the next 2 years Google has many similar small announcements, it will become a greater threat to the iPhone," said Munster. But the real question is: what will Apple have up its sleeve two years from now?

Notorious Trailer (HQ)

Biopic exploring the life and death of East Coast rapper Notorious B.I.G.

NASA’s Dirty Secret: Moon Dust

ScienceDaily (Sep. 24, 2008) — The Apollo Moon missions of 1969-1972 all share a dirty secret. “The major issue the Apollo astronauts pointed out was dust, dust, dust,” says Professor Larry Taylor, Director of the Planetary Geosciences Institute at the University of Tennessee. Fine as flour and rough as sandpaper, Moon dust caused ‘lunar hay fever,’ problems with space suits, and dust storms in the crew cabin upon returning to space.

Taylor and other scientists will present their research on lunar dust at the “Living on a Dusty Moon” session on Thursday, 9 October 2008, at the Joint Meeting of the Geological Society of America (GSA), Soil Science Society of America (SSSA), American Society of Agronomy (ASA), Crop Science Society of America (CSSA), and Gulf Coast Association of Geological Societies (GCAGS) in Houston, Texas, USA.* NASA will use these findings to plan a safer manned mission to the Moon in 2018. Taylor will also deliver a Pardee Keynote Session talk on Sunday, 5 October 2008 entitled “Formation and Evolution of Lunar Soil from An Apollo Perspective.”

The trouble with moon dust stems from the strange properties of lunar soil. The powdery grey dirt is formed by micrometeorite impacts which pulverize local rocks into fine particles. The energy from these collisions melts the dirt into vapor that cools and condenses on soil particles, coating them in a glassy shell.

These particles can wreak havoc on space suits and other equipment. During the Apollo 17 mission, for example, crewmembers Harrison “Jack” Schmitt and Gene Cernan had trouble moving their arms during moonwalks because dust had gummed up the joints. “The dust was so abrasive that it actually wore through three layers of Kevlar-like material on Jack’s boot,” Taylor says.

To make matters worse, lunar dust suffers from a terrible case of static cling. UV rays drive electrons out of lunar dust by day, while the solar wind bombards it with electrons by night. Cleaning the resulting charged particles with wet-wipes only makes them cling harder to camera lenses and helmet visors. Mian Abbas of the National Space Science and Technology Center in Huntsville, Alabama, will discuss electrostatic charging on the moon and how dust circulates in lunar skies.

Luckily, lunar dust is also susceptible to magnets. Tiny specks of metallic iron (Fe0) are embedded in each dust particle’s glassy shell. Taylor has designed a magnetic filter to pull dust from the air, as well as a “dust sucker” that uses magnets in place of a vacuum. He has also discovered that microwaves melt lunar soil in less time than it takes to boil a cup of tea. He envisions a vehicle that could microwave lunar surfaces into roads and landing pads as it drives, and a device to melt soil over lunar modules to provide insulation against space radiation. The heating process can also produce oxygen for breathing.

But the same specks of iron that could make moon dust manageable also pose a potential threat to human health, according to Bonnie Cooper at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “Those tiny blebs of pure iron we see on the surface of lunar grains are likely to be released from the outside edges of the particle in the lungs and enter the bloodstream,” she says. Preliminary studies suggest that the inhalation of lunar dust may pose a health hazard, possibly including iron toxicity. Members of NASA’s Lunar Airborne Dust Toxicity Advisory Group, Cooper, Taylor, and colleagues are studying how moon dust affects the respiratory system. They plan to set a lunar dust exposure standard by 2010, in time for NASA engineers to design a safer and cleaner trip to the Moon.

*On 9 October, the following abstracts will be presented in the George R. Brown Convention Center, Room 310AD at the Joint Meeting:

  1. Abstracts, Session 345: “Living on a Dusty Moon”
  2. Abstract 345-1 (Taylor): “Formation of Lunar Dust: Unique Properties for a Human Outpost”
  3. Abstract 345-9 (Cooper): “Physical and Biological Hazards of Lunar Dust and Their Impact on Habitat and Space Suit Design”

Adapted from materials provided by Soil Science Society of America, via Newswise.

Man Sues Doctors After Penis Amputated

A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man's penis without his consent, and have filed a lawsuit.

Related To Story

According to the lawsuit, Philip Seaton went to have a circumcision last October. Seaton said when he woke up from the procedure, he realized his penis had been amputated.

Seaton has suffered mental anguish, pain, and has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.

The lawsuit was filed in Shelby County court last week against Dr. John Patterson, who performed the procedure, Dr. Oliver James, who administered anesthesia, and Commonwealth Urology, PSC.

The lawsuit states that Patterson received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton did not consent to his penis being removed.

Kevin George, the plaintiff's attorney, said Patterson amputated the organ after finding cancer, but he only had consent to remove the foreskin.

"Sometimes you have an emergency and you have to do this, but he could very easily closed him up and said, 'Here are your options. You have cancer,' and the family would have said, 'We want a second opinion. This is a big deal,'" George said.

The lawsuit also claims the plaintiff did not consent to general anesthesia.

WLKY attempted to contact the doctors, but have not been able to reach them.

The Seatons are seeking punitive damages against both doctors and the medical practice. Attorneys for the defendants will now have a chance to respond to the suit.

Copyright 2008 by All rights reserved.

Adam Kimmel presents: Claremont HD

Longboarding in Claremont

25 awesome Ari Gold quotes

Posted by Cuzzy

Like most of Cuzoogle’s readers, one of the shows on the must see list for the new season of TV is HBO’s Entourage. After three episodes it is great to see the true Ari Gold back in business and no more of this sensitive BS from last season. He is yelling, fighting and saying things you truly have to hear to believe.

Since we had great success a few weeks ago posting quotes and clips of Johny Drama, it seemed fitting to do something similar for one of Entourage’s other fan favourites.

Let’s blog it out bitch with 25 awesome quotes from Mr. Ari Gold.


Ari Gold: Call me Helen Keller because I’m a fucking miracle worker!

Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.

Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don’t think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!

Ari Gold: You know what they feed people on an indi set, Vinnie? Nothing! They don’t give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?

Ari Gold: I’m ready to go here, all right? It’s like R. Kelly at recess. Honey, honey, what are you doing? Are you kidding me? Baby!

Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

Ari Gold: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we’re gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos.

Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.

Ari Gold: My assistant is to be gang-raped by a gang of one.

Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

Ari Gold: Tell Drama he’s on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my cock!

Ari Gold: Dana I have never cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me in the car now, I’m game.

Ari Gold: Mohamed Ali came back once too often too, Terence.

Ari Gold: I knew you liked dick, Babs, but i didn’t realize you were a cocksucker.

Ari Gold: It’s like high school. You can’t fuck the prom queen until she finds out her best friend jerked you off underneath the bleachers!

Ari Gold: You fire a guy, you create a rival. You fire a woman, you create a housewife.

Ari Gold: I drove to work today in an $80,000 Mercedes and I’m going home in a prop car from Fast and the Furious… my life is over!

Ari Gold: Fuck the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty-fuck, don’t answer!

Ari Gold: I would say hug it out, but I don’t want you drawing wood.

Ari Gold: All right, when you talk to Dana, tell her I’m going to take the pictures from Cancun, and start a website called and there will be no password or fee required, and I will take out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a fucking call back.

Ari Gold: Fuck you. Where’d you hear that, Friendster?

Now for a few from Season 5

Ari Gold: (golfing): Rusty cunt bucket! FUCK!

Ari Gold: You will come back stronger then ever. Like Lance Armstrong. But with two balls.

Ari Gold: No Indies E! Think of it as the holocaust, never again!

Ari Gold: Fuck Richard Roper. You know I went to college with him? Yeah when he was pledging we used to tie beer cans around his nuts and make him walk across campus. I think last night was payback.

Since we cut off the list at 25, if we missed a memorable one, please leave it in the comments.

Now for a few bonus videos that cover most of these quotes.

Got someone to fire today? Do it the Ari Gold way.

Ari calls E a name we won’t type out in respect to the ladies.

Other Entourage goodness

Photos from this year’s premiere party

All of the babes of Entourage

Toyota Looks to Embrace Natural-Gas Hybrid Cars

A decade after their first unpopular attempt at a natural-gas vehicle, Toyota says they are looking to CNG for the future.

High gas prices have made natural-gas vehicles more desirable, but Honda is still the only major carmaker currently offering a CNG vehicle. While their car is only available in California and New York, Honda says they can’t keep their Civic GX in stock due to popularity, and plans to build 2,000 more for 2009. Toyota wants some of the pie.

Come November, Toyota will debut its CNG-electric hybrid Camry at the Los Angeles Auto show, but the company has not yet decided to put the vehicle into production.

At a conference this week in Portland, Oregon, Toyota cited data showing that oil production is declining, while natural-gas is still abundant to make their case for natural-gas vehicles. CNG has also been hailed by T. Boone Pickens as one of the most important solutions to America’s energy crisis.

Like electric vehicles, natural-gas cars are great for commutes, but long trips might be hard. There are very few natural-gas refueling stations open to customers in the US, meaning that many drivers can often only fill up at home.

Photo Credit: Rockershirt on Flickr under Creative Commons license.

Other Posts Relating to Natural-Gas Vehicles:

Monkeys! Huddled, Reflecting, Remarkably Expressive — Awesome shot of large group of monkeys in Japanese wilderness. Faces nearly surreal, in their quality of expressiveness, seeming range of emotion, especially sadness. [Shot can be enlarged, hi-res & wallpaper.]

American Psycho: The Musical


Everyone remember that sick and twisted yet hilarious film American Psycho? Yes of course, how could you forget.

American Psycho based on the novel by Bret Easton Ellis then made into the 2000 movie starring Christian Bale is now being turned into a stage musical!!!!

I think this is better than talks of a Fight Club musical!

According to a press release:

”The Johnson-Roessler Company, The Collective and XYZ Films have partnered to acquire, develop and produce the live stage version.”

The development team has just begun the selection process for creatives to pen the score and the book. No timeline has been set for what is envisioned as a large-scale musical.

No word yet who will take over Bale’s spot as Patrick Bateman, the wealthy New York investment banking executive whose sick, twisted, murderous alter ego exposes itself in the most delightful and imaginative ways.

This could be good! That sex scene was hilarious!!

Ten Ways To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket

There's nothing fun about being on the receiving end of the question: "May I see your license and registration please?" Although we don't condone it occurring on public roads, as automotive enthusiasts, whether you drive a Se7en or a Sentra, speeding in a controlled and safe manner in front of the police occasionally happens. Fortunately, whether you get a ticket, a warning or a pass is completely at the discretion of the officer that pulls you over. For this reason, we've surveyed your experiences and identified ten strategies that seem to have worked the best.

10.) The Scatological Approach

Not everyone is buddy-buddy with the police chief or on their way to a funeral. But everybody poops. When the traffic cop suggests you hand over your info, make sure to bounce around with a pained look on your face. When the officer asks you what's going on just mention that you just had some greasy Thai food and you just have to beat the Lard Na home. If you're not quite so dramatic, you can just follow SupermotoThud and tell the fuzz "I have to poop." [Photo by Marco Di Lauro/Getty Images]

9.) The Jedi Approach

Never underestimate the staggering power of a strong will and a little psychology. If someone was able to convince GM that people would love the "unique" design of the Pontiac Aztec despite all evidence to the contrary, you should be able to convince the highway patrol you don't deserve a ticket. Obi-Wan Kenobi did it with the force, but hypnotists and mentalists have been using tricks to convince people to do things against their better judgment for centuries. Maymar suggests you tell the officer "This isn't the speeding car you're looking for" and slowly wave your hand in front of them — sort of like what Beercheck did when confronted with an officer. Just try to not get shot.

8.) The Dramatic Approach

Most of the literature in this area suggests, and Isetta agrees, that a woman crying is the ultimate way to prevent a ticket. While we'll agree that a weeping woman can create a strong feeling of sympathy, the site of a man breaking down on the side of the road should have more of an impact because of the relative infrequency. [Photo: Getty Images]

7.) The Shakespearean Approach

We hadn't though of it until Jduffy13 suggested it, but being able to quote Shakespeare from memory at command, any command, might make a great impression on Johnny Law. And though that impression might be that you're drunk or insane, at the very least it puts them on their heals momentarily. Why not incorporate it into the discussion?

Off, Off Traffic Officer
Life Is But A Flashing Strobe Light
A Poor Driver Who Speeds And Swerves His Hour Upon The Road
And Is Ticketed No More

It could work.

6.) The Humorous Approach

If it weren't for humor a great many people on this site would have ended up selling burgers and living in their mom's basement, so why not use these same skills to make the 5-0 laugh and, hopefully, let you off. MyDatsunIsInCali suggests this joke if the opportunity presents itself:

On an empty country road-

Officer- where are you going in such a hurry?
Me- just keeping up with traffic, officer
Officer- I don't see any traffic
Me- that's how far behind I am, I was trying to keep up! (insert unfunny drum noise) "da dum ching"
Officer- Just slow down. (walks back to car shaking head)

If they don't laugh just say "What are you, the joke police?" [Photo: Getty Images]

5.) The Dishonest Approach

Being untruthful brings along serious risks. You could perjure yourself. You could make the situation worse. You could make millions of dollars for yourself and destroy the economy. So long as the opposite of what you're saying can't be proven, estern suggests something along these lines:

Am I glad to see you! I was almost run off the road by this idiot in a (make, model, color of vehicle that passed you). This guy was definitely hammered. You are putting yourself on the side of "public safety" and the cop will not want to take a chance that this fictitious drunk won't kill someone.

It might work. Just remember, police are smart. [Photo by Jae C. Hong-Pool/Getty Images]

4.) The Honest Approach

Sometimes you're speeding for a good reason. You're having a baby. You're late for an important meeting. The police are people, too. They also hear a lot of BS (see above) so maybe the truth will impress them, if only for the novelty of it. Afborroni tries this true plea:

My line is true, and my plea is earnest. "Officer, I'm in sales, I drive a company car for a living, and every point i get on my license is additional money docked from my paycheck. The consequences of the ticket you're about to give me are far greater for me than for anyone else... please reconsider this as I could lose my job because of a speeding ticket."

Also, try telling them you're an automotive journalist if that's true. [Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images]

3.) Man From A Foreign Land Approach

As anyone who has called tech support for a $10 router they bought at Fry's knows, speaking with someone who doesn't completely understand your language is frustrating. Assuming you have a funny name or look foreign, you could always follow c0de's advice and affect a foreign accent so complicated that they're unable to comprehend what you're saying and just let you off with a warning. This does not work if your name is John Smith or Sarah Jones, but is great if you're a member of Ladysmith Black Mambazo. Try perfecting a weird Eastern European dialect. We tell people we're Estonian because, c'mon, what are the odds a cop has ever been to Estonia? [Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images]

2.) Technical Difficulties Approach

Unless you're driving something like a Lagonda, which has a purely digital read-out, it is always possibly that your speedo works. In fact, if you're driving a Lagonda there's a better than average chance your equipment doesn't work. "Do you know how fast you were going?" Perhaps you really didn't. DrJimmy successfully convinced a Sheriff's deputy that his speedometer was on the fritz. If you're frequently a speed trap target, perhaps you should really just disengage your speedometer and hope for the best.

1.) The Polite Approach

They say you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. It's quite possible you repel more tickets this way as well. Sitting on the side of the road watching car-after-car pass by isn't a stimulating job and having to endure crying, excuses and bad accents probably wears some officers down. Being polite and following these steps from Macfarlane.A could go a long way:

Stop your vehicle. Roll down your window. Turn off the ignition. Place your keys on the roof. This way the cop knows that you're not going to try anything stupid before he/she even steps out of the cruiser, and is immediately put at ease.

Also, say "Yes, officer" and "No, officer" always helps. [Photo by China Photos/Getty Images]


There's no sure-fire way to avoid every ticket if you're going to speed in the first place so there's certainly no guarantee that any of these work. But, it beats making a run for it. That almost never works. Unless you're on a motorcycle or driving a super car. If you have any amendments or suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments below.