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Friday, August 13, 2010

The Top 10 Hottest Cheerleading Teams in the History of Hot Cheerleaders

From: http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/

A judge in Connecticut recently ruled that - surprise - cheerleading isn't a sport. He said nothing, however, about cheerleader-watching.

Game. On.

Cheerleaders - Oregon.jpg
​10. Oregon Ducks.

Cheerleaders - Texas.jpg
​9. Texas Longhorns.

Cheerleaders - Eagles.jpg
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8. Philadelphia Eagles.

Cheerleaders - Mavericks.jpg
​7. Dallas Mavericks.

Cheerleaders - LSU.jpg
​6. LSU Tigers.

Cheerleaders - USC1.jpg
​5. USC Trojans.

Cheerleaders - Lakers.jpg
​4. Laker Girls.

Cheerleaders - Florida.jpg
​3. Florida Gators.

Cheerleaders - Heat.jpg
​2. Miami Heat.

Cheerleaders - Cowboys.jpg
​1. Dallas Cowboys.

Search For The Best Burger



Search For The Best Burger

Are you hungry? Burgers, burgers an even more burgers. Have you ever searched for the perfect burger made the way you like it? We went on the hunt for the best burger in the state. Burgers, burgers an even more burgers. Have you ever searched for the perfect burger made the way you like it? We went on the hunt for the best burger in the state. With an empty stomach , the mission was to find the best burger in Rhode Island, and boy I was up for the challenge. First, we hit Stanley’s in central falls to taste their traditional burger recipe. Everybody that walks in Stanley’s know, Stanley burger, onions, pickles, that’s basically the standard burger. They haven’t changed the burger since 1932, so people just know what they like. The diner style atmosphere and friendly service keeps the customers coming back for more and the reputation of great burgers lives on. The food is excellent.

SketchPad - A Filmmaker's Storyboard for iPad

See the original image at sketchpad.ws

sketchpad.ws — It's for artists and filmmakers who want a convenient, visual way to plan out their film ideas. Feels, functions & designed around the concept of storyboard that gives you an experience unlike anything you've ever experienced.

Click here to see the demo: http://www.sketchpad.ws/

Never mess with this chick ... EVER .. (video)

RAGE 60fps demo on iPhone 4 by John Carmack


srca2009 | August 12, 2010

id Software RAGE 60fps demo on iPhone 4 by John Carmack at QuakeCon 2010 http://www.idsoftware.com/

SEGA Office Prank: Sonic the Hedgehog Desk Space



When Sega drone Aaron went out of town for a few weeks, his coworkers decided to prank him hard. Except "prank" at Sega apparently means "do him the awesome favor of turning his desk into a Sonic dreamworld." Amazing.

When you leave for three weeks at Gizmodo, all you get when you come back is a swirly. [The Daily What]

The Top Five Naked Travel Incidents of 2010...So Far

5. Flight Attendants strip all over the world: It's a frequent flyer's fantasy, and it's been coming true thus far this year as flight attendants from Spain to Russia and back leave their uniforms in the overhead compartments and hit the runway the bare way. First it was sexy pics of British Airways FAs, then it was girls from Spain's defunct Air Comet stripping for their wages, and even Aeroflot got in on the action with a pinup-perfect calendar of their plane pretties. The coup de grace however was Russian airline Avianova's sexiest airplane commercial ever, which Australian FAs called for a ban on.

4. "Flying Pasties": As the first travel site to stumble upon the now-infamous crap product that is "Flying Pasties," we have to say that they will probably serve as the butt of jokes for the rest of the year at least. These stickers claimed to keep the prying eyes of TSA employees off your private bits when you stepped into the full-body scanners. What they forgot however, is that the scanners aren't deterred by stickers. $20 pieces of worthless junk, they are.

3. Nudists embrace Spirit Airlines' carry-on fees: When Spirit became the only airline charging for both carry-on and checked luggage back in April, the American Associate for Nude Recreation was quick to send us a statement in favor of the move. They posited that the "Nakation" could be the new thing, where travelers protest baggage fees by opting for nudist resorts that only require you to bring "sunscreen, cap, sunglasses, shoes and toiletries" on your travels.

2. The Museum of Modern Art puts nudes on display: In the only non airline-related nude incident this year, New York's Museum of Modern Art hosted an exhibition of Marina Abramović's work, which included some interaction with and much viewing of stark naked people. Sadly the exhibit has closed, but man were those some good times when tourists stumbled into the MoMA to find that.

1. The Full-Body Scanner controversy: Just when you thought you'd seen enough nakedness for one day, you're confronted with your own nudity. Yep, the TSA and other international airport security forces are looking at your naughty bits thanks to the help of machines, and they've got no plans on stopping. We discussed how naked you appear in scan, and we also talked about your rights when it comes the machines, but this issue is a hot one to be debated for years to come.

So...what's your favorite naked travel incident of 2010? Got a better story maybe?

Tandem Parachute Flipping 1800m High (Vid)

from: http://video.mpora.com/



Worldpremier with Tandemparaglider (www.u-turn.de)

A special dream was fullfilled by Pal Takats with his co-pilot Gabor Kezi today: As the first Tandem-Duo in the world, they attempt a real looping with their 31 qm bi-place-parachute in Walensee (Lake of Walen) in Switzerland.

Lake of Walen, Switzerland: The adventure started high in the mountains in approx. 1800 m of altidude, where the fields where green and the surrounding amazing. After take off they were able to do 45 real loopings in a row, flighing straight of the parachute. With that first premier, the test pilots from U-Turn showed, what Aerodynamics never expected, real loopings with parachutes are possible, not only with hard wings.

'Of course, the borders of physics are set, but where excatly we still have to find out,&#xu2;01C says Ernst Strobl, Chef-Developer of U-turn. With a modified Acro-Parachute, Takats, one of the world bests acro-pilots, already did various loopings, called Infinity Tumblings. Since today, also in the double - with Gabor Kezi.

It was really tough. 'Due to longer lines, the way to pass for both pilots was even longer each looping.' Takats explanis. For us it was about 6 G. For the parachute it was even more, up to 12 G, which is a real challange for the material.

Birdman Bought a New $2.1 Million Bugatti Veyron 16.4

I guess if you just dropped over $2 million on a firecracker red Bugatti, you want to snap some pictures of your ballin' ass purchase and show it off for to the rest of the world. That's exactly what Birdman Cash Money Boss did. Photos after the jump via our friends at VladTV.

Happy Van Damme Friday: Howdy Cowboy!!


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Jackie Evancho Wows on 'America's Got Talent' (VIDEO)

From: http://www.tvsquad.com/

Could Jackie Evancho be the next Susan Boyle?

The latest episode of 'America's Got Talent' (Tue., 9PM ET on NBC) featured a special twist. The show presented only acts that have never been seen before, and these contestants had to submit their auditions through YouTube. So, we got some surprises -- and the best one was the 10-year-old opera singer.

[Spoiler alert.]

Jackie Evancho is small. She's tiny. She's very young. But she has a big, big voice. She's an incredibly amazing opera singer. And the judges were stunned by her performance. But anyone would be stunned, after hearing such a singing voice come out of such a young child.

Judge Howie Mandel said this: "All we [wanted] to do was find that one moment; that one gem. ... And you know what? This is the moment; you're the star."

Piers Morgan was even more straightforward in his praise: "That is one of the most extraordinary performances I've ever seen."

What do you think? Could little Jackie win it all? We're still a little shocked by how amazing her voice is.

You can check out the full performance below:


Cleavage Controversy: Metro Axes Racy Ads for Soulard Oktoberfest

Oktoberfest Boobs Cropped.jpg
Are these outfits offensive?

​
It seems controversy and Soulard Oktoberfest go together like beer and bratwurst.

Last year, the festival -- which takes place the first weekend in October and is part of the annual global celebration of German heritage and culture -- was nearly booted from Soulard Market Park when a handful of market vendors and nearby homeowners complained that drunken revelers were peeing in public and tearing up flower beds.

This year Oktoberfest moves to Lyon Park, near the Budweiser Brewery and away from the neighborhood's residential areas, so noise and rowdy behavior won't be an issue.

But this time around, a kerfuffle is being caused by advertisements for the festival that feature a quartet of comely beer-toting women sporting traditional German folk costumes -- and massive amounts of cleavage.

The ads (see images below) depict four waitresses from festival-sponsor Johnny's Restaurant & Bar in Soulard. They are similar to ones that ran last year on billboards near freeways and major streets in the city.

John McKinstry, the founder of the seven-year-old festival, says his organization had a deal with Metro advertising contractor JCDecaux for the ads to appear on bus shelters in St. Louis city and county. The company handles advertising sales and installation for 662 bus stops in the region, according to its website.

McKinstry says he asked JCDecaux if the content of the ads -- which cost $11,200, about ten percent of Oktoberfest's total publicity budget -- was going to be an issue.

"I did say, 'You've seen our girls. Because of the nature of some of the pictures, you need to be sure and run this by whomever,'" McKinstry recalls. "They said 'We don't really have a problem with it, but just so you don't have the expense of printing all this up, we'll run it past [Metro] just to be sure.'"

Last week the arrangement fell through when Metro decided that the ads were too racy for their tastes. McKinstry says that in attempt to appease Metro, Oktoberfest created a new poster -- one that's slightly more modest than the original -- but the transit agency wouldn't change their minds.

McKinstry provided before and after pictures. Here's the original:
Oktoberfest Boobs 1.jpg
​

And here is the second one, which looks nearly identical to the original except blurry and with some cleavage edited out with Photoshop.

Oktoberfest Boobs 2.jpg
​

"It was a total runaround," McKinstry complains. "I heard back from [JCDecaux] and they said '[Metro] doesn't want any of the girls up at all in the posters. I was livid. Nobody would give me any answers. I want to know who sets the policy. We can't put the posters up because there's some faceless bureaucrat out there."

JCDecaux did not return a call seeking comment for this story.

Reached by phone yesterday afternoon, Janet Jennewein, director of sales and marketing at Metro, confirmed that the Oktoberfest account was indeed canceled by her agency. She declined to comment further, except to say that Metro has a written policy that spells out whether advertising content is suitable for the agency's bus shelters.

Metro spokeswoman Dianne Williams provided a list of Metro's (click for .pdf)
"Advertising Standards and Guidelines." Williams did not respond to an email asking how the Oktoberfest ads broke the rules.

One passage prohibits anything that "contains material which is likely to offend, discomfort, or annoy Metro customers, or make them feel unwelcome, unsafe, or uncomfortable." Another guideline bans anything that "fosters sexual, racial, religious or other offensive stereotypes," which these posters would certainly seem to do -- if sexy stein-wielding frauleins could somehow be considered offensive.

McKinstry, meanwhile, is left wondering how an agency that is struggling to pay its bills can turn down revenue from a local, not-for-profit group like Oktoberfest. After all, the posters will still run on billboards in the city, and in several local publications, including (full disclosure) Riverfront Times.

According to Metro's website, ticket sales only account for about 20 percent of its operating costs -- the rest comes from taxpayer dollars and other sources, such as advertising at bus shelters.

"The travesty in my mind," McKinstry says, "is that Metro is already having a hard time making ends meet. We were willing to spend $11,200 for posters that aren't as revealing as the billboards we already have. We were spending money in the city. Now we're going to spend it somewhere else."

You, Your Friends and Your Johnson - '70s Commercial

Advertising in the '60s was full of innocence and decency; it apparently took a downhill turn in the '70s. This commercial for Johnson outboard motors probably garnered more high fives around the ad-agency office than imaginable. Though the company is now known as Evinrude, the Johnson name will live forever in infamy.




And what would a Johnson commercial be without its '80s counterpart, the Wunder Boner?

First published August 2010

Who Said the Parallel Port Was Dead?

From: http://gizmodo.com/5610087

Who Said the Parallel Port Was Dead?I don't know if this parallel DB25 to serial DE9 to serial Mini DIN-8 to USB converting ghetto chain works, but a reader says it does, and I really, really want to believe him. Here's the alleged proof:

Who Said the Parallel Port Was Dead?

It can be doctored, but the world would be a better place if it were real—even if it probably breaks the laws of quantum physics. [Thanks Mike!

Vending Machines Of The Future


BY LUKE FUNK
FROM http://www.myfoxny.com/

MYFOXNY.COM - Your thumbprint might soon be the key to an afternoon candy bar. A Massachusetts based vending machine company is joinng the growing ranks of companies that are field-testing new technologies.

Next Generation Vending and Food Service is experimenting with biometric vending machines that would allow a user to tie a credit card to their thumbprint.

"For a certain demographic that is pretty cool," says company president John S. Ioannou.

Next Generation is currently testing about 60 of the biometric machines in various locations in the northeast.

The company is also testing other technologies. Ioannou says the key to the transforming the vending machine business is making the consumer feel more engaged.

The days might be numbered where a consumer watches a bag of chips roll through the machine and drop. Next Generation is also testing a machine that includes a 46" touch-screen display that acts similarly to an iPhone display. The user can click on an item, flip the image and even see the nutrional information on the back of the packaging.

Ioannou says initial results are good saying, "The feedback is extraordinary."

The machines include internally mounted cameras to monitor what is going on outside of the machine.

The tests are scheduled to run through the end of 2010. After that, Next Generation will decide if it is worth rolling out across its sales region in the northeast and Pennsylvania.

The company is also installing wireless or Ethernet connections on all of its current machines so there will be real-time reporting of the amount of goods in the machine for restocking purposes. Monitors will even be able to report when a coin is stuck in the machine. All of the current machines will be upgraded by the end of 2011.

There are other innovations that are being tested outside of the United States, including machines that use retinal scans to identify and charge consumers for their purchases.

Albino and Half-Albino Peacocks Are Simply Stunning (Photos)

by Jerry James Stone
from: http://www.treehugger.com/

Albino Peacock Photo
Photo by Yvonne Ayoub


Within the plumage of a peacock lies a complex architecture that's continuously changing color. Or so it seems. Though the colors of a peacock are revered, it is just as stunning--if not more so--without them. Often referred to as an albino peacock, it is nothing of the sort. It's technically a white peacock which is a genetic variant of the Indian Blue Peafowl.

Half Albino Peacock Photo
Photo by nikki.loraine ( view larger photo)

The colors in the feathers of a bird are determined two factors: pigment and structure. For example, the green in some parrots is a result of yellow pigments over blue-reflecting feathers. In the case of a white peacock, its unusual lack-of-color is due to a missing pigment. This missing pigment is dark and absorbs incident light, making diffracted and interference light visible (i.e. common peacocks). The effect is similar to that of oil on water.

Albino Peacock Profile PhotoPhoto by *amy&kimball

Pigment colorization in birds comes from three different groups: melanins, carotenoids, and porphyrines. Melanins occur as tiny specs of color in both the skin and feathers, and ranges from the darkest black to pale yellows. Carotenoids are plant-based and are acquired only by eating plants or by eating something that ate a plant. They produce bright yellows and brilliant oranges. The last pigment group, Porphyrins, produces a range of colors including pink, browns, reds, and greens.

But feather structure is as important to color as pigment. Each feather consists of thousands of flat branches, each with minuscule bowl-shaped indentations. At the bottom of each indentation is a lamellae (thin plate-like layers), that acts like a prism, splitting light. It's the same principle for butterflies and humming birds.

Like this article? Follow me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook.

Albino Peacock Full Photo
Photo by Timothy Riley ( view larger photo)

Albino Peacock Back Photo
Photo by Dileep Govindaraju

Albino Peacock Profile Photo
Photo by JLMphoto ( view larger photo)

Albino Peacock Feathers Photo
Photo by Rocky413 ( view larger photo)

UCF alum Shanna McLaughlin gets naughty in the locker room

Posted by A. Isaac
From http://guyism.com/

UCF coach George O’ Leary is either really oblivious or just an impressive con artist. Given his uh, history, I’m thinking it’s the latter. He’s somehow convinced UCF alumni, fans and the general public that he had no idea that it was Shanna McLaughlin, a Playboy Playmate, doing a photo/video shoot in his locker room.

You’re sly Mr. O’Leary, but I’m onto you.

“I approved the magazine,” O’Leary told a Sentinel reporter after practice ended Saturday. “The guy called my office and basically wanted to know if they could do a magazine shoot. There was a UCF girl who had her MBA and all that. And the only thing I asked is, ‘Is that a magazine that is distributed on campus?’ And they said, ‘Yes.’ They’ve done I think four, since I’ve been here at least four, initial copies of football [previews] opening up the football season.”

Wait, just hold on a second here–she has her MBA? Well then, by God, she must be a clean, wholesome woman who was just going in the locker room to be filmed doing “Hail Marys” with her rosary.

Video and photos of the pure, innocent Shanna McLaughlin below.

UCF coach O’Leary: I gave permission for Playmate shoot in UCF locker room [Orlando Sentinel]

New Monkey Sports Bushy Red Beard

An expedition to the Colombian Amazon has just revealed a new species of titi monkey that's the size of a house-cat and sports a bushy red beard, Conservation International announced today. The discovery is also described in the journal Primate Conservation.

Titi monkeys hail from South America and are territorial, monogamous, and always possess furry, never prehensile, tails. Most have a white, bar-shaped patch of fur on their foreheads, but the new monkey, Callicebus caquetensis, is an exception, as you can see.

(Photos: Javier Garcia)

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(These images also come to mind, but that's too much pop culture...)

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Scientists Thomas Defler, Marta Bueno and Javier García discovered the new monkey in what is known as the Department of Caquetá, Colombia. They couldn't celebrate for long, however, as they realized this species is critically endangered due to rapid loss of its forest home.

Caquetá has experienced political unrest for many years. Due to the presence of insurgent groups, travel to this region was extremely difficult. García, however, grew up there, and had heard talk about the mysterious, yet previously undescribed, monkey. He was able to examine the local wildlife while hiking and using GPS. Doing this, he found 13 groups of the new monkey, which has a very distinctive, complex call.

Crank up your volume a bit and listen to the call here:

“This discovery is extremely exciting because we had heard about this animal, but for a long time we could not confirm if it was different from other titis," said Defler. "We now know that this is a unique species, and it shows the rich diversity of life that is still to be discovered in the Amazon."

In addition to the other mentioned features, Callicebus caquetensis has grayish-brown hair and a long tail stippled with gray.


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Titi monkeys such as this form life-long relationships. Pairs are often seen sitting on a branch with their tails entwined. They usually have one baby per year. As a new baby arrives, the parents force the oldest baby to leave to allow them to focus on the newborn.


(An illustration of some titi monkeys; Credit Stephen Nash)

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The families of this new titi species stick together in groups of about 4 individuals and can be seen in the trees close to some of the main rivers of Caquetá. But, according to CI, this newly discovered species is struggling to survive.


It is estimated that less than 250 Caquetá titi monkeys exist -- a healthy population should be in the thousands. The main reason for this small number is the degradation of the forests in the area, which have been felled for agricultural land. It is very dangerous, and sometimes impossible, for these animals to move to other patches of forest as they have to cross grassy savannah or barbed wire fences to reach them.


The researchers ask that the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) classify this new monkey as Critically Endangered, meaning it faces an extremely high risk of extinction in the wild in the immediate future.

“This discovery is particularly important because it reminds us that we should celebrate the diversity of Earth but also we must take action now to preserve it,” said José Vicente Rodríguez, head of science at Conservation International in Colombia and president of the Colombia Association of Zoology. “When world leaders meet later this year in Japan for the Convention on Biological Diversity, they must commit to the creation of many more protected areas if we want to ensure the survival of threatened creatures like this in the Amazon and around the world.”

“World’s Fastest 3D Film Segment” clocked by Mercedes SLS AMG

From: http://www.nitrobahn.com/

mercedes sls amg

Leave it to Mercedes to think about making a 3D movie that defines speed.

Ingredients:

Mercedes SLS AMG, a closed section of the Isle of man, an ex-Formula 1 star and BBC presenter David Coulthard, Britains best 3D teams, boom cars and choppers.

Procedure:
  • Assemble Britain’s brightest talents in 3D technology.
  • Ask David Coulthard to drive the SLS AMG as fast as he possibly could (and mind you – he is fast).
  • Track the paces with “another” Mercedes SLS AMG with a boot 3D camera (driven by none other than rally ace – Robbie Head), a modified 4×4 with a V10 engine, special boom cars and several helicopters.

Note: Once the camera’s were off, Coulthard went on to accomplish his personal goal of clocking 162 mph on the snake-like Isle of Man, which is the country’s lone stretch of public roadway that doesn’t have a speed limit

Serving:

Check out the video (in true 3D) on Sky’s 3D pub channel this Sunday. Wired reports that the producers have brokered a deal “with a major electronics brand” to show it on the company’s gear across its stores.

You can also check out the trailer for the film, and a “making of the film” below.


via PistonHeads

Baby Sloths Might Be the Cutest Things Ever [Video] watch!

Here's The Video Of That Crazy McNugget Lady Who Attacked McDonald's Employees

Remember the McDonald's drive-thru customer who went all 28 Days after she was told they'd stopped serving Chicken McNuggets? Obviously a story like this is a hundred times more awesome if you can watch the actual attack, and fortunately for us the security footage of the event is now available.

The woman's friend told the local news station that the manager is to blame because she's rude to customers: "They called her names first." Also, "You get home, there's no fries, so you go back up there and, you know, she's gonna argue with you about it." And finally, "Well it was New Years. You know, stuff like that-- you drink."



Update: Here's a higher-quality version of the video, although it may not stay up on YouTube for very long. (Thanks to GitEmSteveDave!)




"McNugget rage caught on tape at Toledo McDonald's" [KSDK] (Thanks to Pete!)

Fathers, Don't Let Your Sons Grow Up Without The Expendables

By Josh Tyler:

From: http://www.cinemablend.com/

Being a man isn’t what it used to be. When my grandfather was born ninety years ago, he was pushed into a world which expected certain things from him because of his gender. He was a man, he had to stand on his own two feet. He would be a provider, a fixer, and when it was called for, a fighter. A man had to be independent. A man had to be strong. A man had to be in charge. A man had hair on his chest and even more hair on his balls. He’d take care of women, knowing that they couldn’t take care of themselves. He’d keep his emotions to himself, because there were things to be done and no time for tears. He’d make a living with his hands, he’d grow calluses on his finger tips. A man’s role was certain, you were born knowing what kind of a person you were supposed to be. But even then, the world was changing.



I wonder what the world would look like now, to my grandfather. Could he understand it? Could he comprehend it? Even before he died a decade ago, my grandfather seemed like a stranger lost in a strange land. He stayed trapped inside a cocoon of his own devising because the world had moved on, and there was simply no way he could move on with it. Most of those changes have been for the better. Men have, after a little prodding, willingly sacrificed their dominant place in society and moved over to give women an equal place next to them. In doing so we’ve gradually modified what it means to be a man, and that’s mostly been for the better too. But inside every guy there’s that caveman waiting to get out, that testosterone fueled badass who wants to take charge and grab hold of the universe with his own two hands. For awhile, movies provided an outlet for that. Stallone and Schwarzenegger built their careers on it in the 80s. But then that too, changed. And maybe that wasn’t always for the better.

Movies are, to those funding them, an investment. You put money in and you hope that, if the people you’ve given the money to use it right, you’ll get even more money back out. At some point, someone in Hollywood figured out that the best way to make the most money was by filming something which catered to the widest range of tastes possible. You can make an action movie, and a lot of men will want to see it. But action movies, more than any other type of movie, cost a lot of money to make. If you’re going to spend that much on a film, then you want to make sure you get as many people as possible buying a ticket. So you take that action movie, add a female character, give her a romantic subplot, and then maybe women will want to see it too. Or if you really want to get the girls battering down the box office, you make your male characters softer, weaker, better looking, better dressers, chiseled chins, smaller muscles, and more relatable to more types of audience members. Make your male lead a pale, frail-looking, well-mannered, tortured vampire. Make your male lead someone even your mother could love. Sensitive is sexy, isn’t it?

These days Hollywood has all but done away with the male-centric action movie. Guys looking for a place to refuel their testosterone tank have nowhere to go, and they probably haven’t even noticed. They haven’t noticed because the explosions and violence are still there, but movies aren’t really made for men anymore, they’re made for everyone. An action movie without romance is unheard of and our action heroes look increasingly like they could at any moment be cast in the next Twilight film. Adrien Brody, yeah that skinny, sensitive guy from The Pianist, just starred in a Predators movie. The Rock spends his days dressed up like the Tooth Fairy and there’s no one else to fill the void. That means this weekend when The Expendables opens, it may well be the last ever Man Movie.

The stars of The Expendables are not pretty, and the movie doesn’t try to clean them up. It tells the story of men who are old, and worn, and wrinkled, and meaty. The film’s heroes are balding and calloused, their faces made of leather and stone. Their idea of fashion sense is wearing Kevlar vests over Hawaiian shirts. The Expendables contains no romantic subplot. The closest it gets to romance is in the decision to help a girl because she’s pretty, and even then it’s only because protecting girls is what real Men do. When one of the Expendables wants to say I love you, he does it by beating up a bunch of other dudes. Expendables is a movie for men. There’s a plot, but they don’t pay much attention to it. There are characters, but more often than not The Expendables is happy to ignore names and simply refer to its major players as “Men”. When Eric Roberts calls Steve Austin “this man” he says it in a way that you know MAN was written on his script in all capital letters.

The Expendables is a manly movie in every sense of the word. It’s a film about Men taking action, Men blowing things up, and Men punching what’s wrong. It’s the kind of movie you just don’t see anymore. The explosions and gunfire are still there in our modern, action-movie world, but the guys are always secretly sensitive and there’s always a girl. He’s socially responsible, maybe he even recycles. I bet he’s a good dancer. Not the Expendables.

Every second of The Expendables howls caveman; it screams muscles, and sweat, and grit. You’ll never see any of the Men in this movie in a Toyota Prius. They ride motorcycles whenever possible. If one of these Men needs drive a four-wheeled vehicle, then that vehicle must be a vintage pickup which growls with unseen power as it prowls down the road. Their guns blaze across the screen with a throaty, manly noise. Every bullet fired is like the roar of a lion, echoing across the savanna. But technology is never used, by anyone, when muscles will do. Why fire off a rocket, when you can hurl missles at your enemies using only the power of your bulging forearm? Characters grunt their lines at the screen, they wear their manhood on their sleeve. If someone gets a tattoo, they get it while sitting on a motorcycle, because while tattoos are manly chairs are for sissies. When the Expendables need to relax, they don’t rent a movie. They drink beer and hurl sharp objects at a wall, because that’s what a Man would do. When one of the Expendables screws up these Men fight it out, these Men may even try to kill each other, and then these Men forget about it, drink up, and move on. Emotion is as irrelevant as pain. They know the code. Men stick together. It’s not a façade, it’s not some act, these are simply Men, and the Expendables behave the way they do because that’s what a Man would do.

Except in the real world, Men don’t exist anymore. We’ve scrubbed them from our society. Those that are left, we mock and ignore. Sensitive is sexy and modern men are probably more like Patrick Dempsey than they are like Sylvester Stallone. I know I am, and I like it that way. But even a weakling nerd like me has a little Stallone inside him somewhere, and I need him. It’s the caveman inside a man that gives him the strength to stand up and do what’s right, when it isn’t easy. It’s the caveman inside that gives a man the endurance get up every morning and go to a job he hates, just to make enough money to put his kid through college. It’s the caveman who propels our soldiers, bravely off to war, defending their country in the face of certain death. Women do those things too and since I’m not one, I won’t pretend to know what it is that pushes them to be better people; but for men, I think a lot of what keeps us going, what keeps pushing us to achieve, is that inner caveman.

I’ve still got a little of that buried somewhere inside me, maybe in part because I’m over thirty, and old enough to remember the glory days of barbarians and badasses in my movies. But where are our sons going to find their inner caveman? How will your boy know what being a Man is all about? He won’t get it by shaving off all his body hair, oiling up, and watching So I Think You Can Dance. The Expendables is not a great movie, maybe it’s not even a good movie, but it’s a MAN movie in all capital letters. For fathers, The Expendables is a rare opportunity to share a little bit of the manly movie magic they shared with their dads, with their own sons.

It’s violent and gory and utterly reprehensible, there’s no denying it. And it’s true that the story’s a mess and the characters are two-dimensional. Everything Cinema Blend’s Katey Rich wrote in her negative review of the film is absolutely true. She’s dead on. Yet I’m not sure I’d want it made any other way. The Expendables should be like this. It must be this way. Cavemen are two-dimensional, black and white, on or off. From that dogged, admittedly dumb, often careless simplicity comes their power. So it is with The Expendables.

You could take your son to Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and let him live in a world of hipster dufus imagination, and that’ll be a lot of fun. But there’s plenty of time for fantasy. This weekend, for one weekend, maybe even for the last weekend ever, it’s the weekend of Men. Don’t let your son grow up without a little bit of The Expendables swinging a club somewhere deep down inside him. He’ll need that inner caveman. The world is changing and that’s a good thing, as long as we hang on to a little piece of whatever it was that made us men to begin with. This may be your last chance to share what that is, with your kid. Leave the women at home and growl your way into a theater with your son. Be Men.