What do you get when you shove Jean Claude Van Damme, Keanu Reeves, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Chuck Norris into a blender with with a dozen raw eggs and a fifth of jack… You get Singham – The best friggin action movie of all time! Screw The Expendables, that ain’t got anything on Singham.
Now all you gotta do is take a shot of that ass kicking drink you just mixed and get ready to get your mind blown! Bollywood brings you Singham – a story of… well, I don’t know the language they are speaking. So, I have no clue what the movie is about.
If that clip made you crap your pants in excitement, be sure to watch the whole film here. *If you do watch the full thing, be sure to check out 13:40 for a wicked tiger slap and 1:47:50 for a rocking duet with our hero and his lady.
Next time you think acting on a big-budget film is nothing but free Starbucks and waiting around for effects shots to be set up, think of Jennifer Lawrence. For her part as Mystique in X-Men: First Class, the future Katniss Everdeen had to stand around practically naked for seven hours while a team of make-up artists painted her blue. Now that’s commitment to the craft! Click through to watch, then stick around for more Buzz Break.
Prison break movies are always fun to watch, whether the escapes are made by Allied POWs or just common criminals. It appeals to the subversive side of human nature to see a convict stick it to the system and run free, especially one who the audience knows doesn’t deserve to be locked up in the first place.
Prison break films are very adaptable and can be written to coincide with many different genres, including thrillers, adventure movies and even comedies (as fans of Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times will know). Here we list the ten best jailbreak and POW escape movies of all time.
10. Papillon
The odd, trippy prison break movie that is Papillon stars Steve McQueen as a petty crook who is exiled to the infamous penal colony on Devil’s Island in French Guiana, where existence is a hell of scorching weather, dangerous animals and hideous disease. When your first day starts with hiding a metal cylinder full of money up your ass, you know you aren’t at summer camp… The movie chronicles the protagonist’s many escape attempts over the course of his 14-year sentence, as McQueen goes from… well… Steve McQueen in 1973 to a used-up, white-haired, broken-toothed old man — a bit like The Shawshank Redemption but with fewer posters of actresses to hide the tunnels behind. McQueen does a great job as the title character and absolutely dominates every scene he appears in, despite the formidable acting talent surrounding him (co-star Dustin Hoffman, for example). The dangerous cliff-jumping stunt performed during Papillon’s final escape attempt is also a milestone in cinema. A classic convict film.
9. Midnight Express
A grim and sometimes ultra-violent movie, Midnight Express tells the true story of US citizen Billy Hayes, a real-life figure who made the huge mistake of being caught smuggling hashish out of Istanbul. The would-be drug dealer ends up incarcerated for five years in a Turkish prison, one that turns out to make HBO’s Oz look like a kid’s playpen. The movie is tensely directed (especially at the beginning when the protagonist is trying to take the drugs past customs), and the twist in which Hayes finally manages to escape through sheer luck (after almost getting into serious trouble with the guard) is brilliantly done. Despite the criticism the movie received for its depiction of the Turkish penal system, if you want a real horror story about what can happen when you carry drugs in a foreign country this is definitely your film.
7. Holes
Based on a novel by Louis Sachar, Holes is the story of a wrongly convicted teenage boy sent to a camp in the desert where children are forced to endlessly dig the titular “holes,” day in and day out. This is one movie guaranteed to make you feel hot and tired just watching it… Unlike most Disney adaptations, Holes manages to keep the grittiness and “magical realism” (read: strangeness) of the original book intact, and it also features a hilariously repulsive performance from Jon Voight as the cowboy counselor, Mr. Sir. About the only bad thing you can say about Holes is that it introduced the world to the acting of Shia LaBeouf, who was fine in this movie but should now just go and get trodden on by a big CGI robot already.
7. The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
The 2000s version of Alexandre Dumas’ classic revenge story, The Count of Monte Cristo upped the swashbuckling action while keeping the Bonaparte era intrigue which made the original such a timeless classic. The plot involves naval officer, Edmond Dantès (the titular Count) being betrayed by his friend, Fernand Mondego, and his imprisonment and eventual escape from the dreaded island prison of Chateau d’If. Although this is a period drama of a prison movie, Dante uses the classic POW method to get out: a tunnel under the wall. The movie was hailed by critics as a refreshing return to un-ironic adventure films, after an endless string of more self-aware movies like 1998’s The Man in the Iron Mask. It’s amazing that new audiences can still be introduced to one of the original prison break stories more than 150 years after it was created.
6. La Grande Illusion
“A film about the war where you don’t see any fighting or spying” (a quote from the trailer) may not sound promising for one of the great masterpieces of French cinema, but this story of class, ethnicity and politics told through the lives of POWs in a WWI German prison is a classic for a reason. The movie was controversial when it was released for its anti-war message and, for the time, shocking content, which included soldiers discussing STDs and prostitutes (although modern viewers are more likely to notice some of the frankly homoerotic scenes between the prisoners). There are especially heartbreaking moments during the French prisoners’ escape as the head of the German camp is forced to choose between his respect for the head officer of the prisoners and his duty to his country. La Grande Illusion also has the distinction of having been considered subversive by both the French and the Germans in WWII.
5. Escape to Victory
Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone in the same movie? A soccer movie, even? It sounds like something Caine would have made during his bad old “throw me money and I’ll appear in anything” days, but Escape to Victory is actually a surprisingly decent film. (Very) loosely based on true events, the movie is about a group of WWII POWs and their plan to play a soccer match against their Nazi captors and escape during the game. Despite the distraction of Stallone’s giant, hammy facial expressions, which seem to fill the entire screen at times, most of the film is well put together. There are two really brilliant scenes: the French crowd singing “La Marseillaise” in defiance at the Germans, and the team refusing take the chance to escape in the hopes of winning the game. It’s just like the British to put soccer over everything else, even winning WWII…
4. Stalag 17
Made just eight years after the end of WWII, this film about American airmen interned in a POW camp is now considered an all-time classic. The plot concerns a group of servicemen attempting to survive while doing time, and the efforts of one of them to help a rich prisoner escape and deal with a “stoolie” (the unfortunate WWII name for a spy) who is determined to thwart their plan to break free. For a fairly funny war movie it boasts some impressive acting, with an Academy Award-winning performance from William Holden. Famously, Holden’s acceptance speech for his award was cut to just two words, “Thank you,” due to time constrains. The frustrated star was forced to take out full-page ads in Hollywood magazines in order to thank all of the people he wasn’t able to during his speech (presumably dozens, knowing Oscars speeches…).
3. Escape from Alcatraz
The granddaddy of prison break movies, Escape from Alcatraz starred Clint Eastwood on top form as grizzled master criminal Frank Morris. Imprisoned on the impenetrable island, Morris has a series of clashes with Patrick McGoohan’s smug warden while, as the title suggests, he attempts to escape from Alcatraz. Eastwood tends to play hard-to-like, anti-heroic characters whose only real redeeming trait is that the people they go up against are worse. As here, Clint’s a bank robber trying to break out of a legitimate prison, this is another situation where we really shouldn’t be on the man’s side, but you just have to respect him for his sheer balls. Who but Dirty Harry could break out of jail with a papier-mâché dummy and a spoon? Awesome.
2. The Shawshank Redemption
The Shawshank Redemption has been described as the best film made in the last few decades, and it’s consistently at the head of IMDBs “top 250 films” list as voted for by the public. It’s mostly a good movie but not quite as good as the hype — no film could be. The bad guys are a bit cartoonish. Morgan Freeman’s voiceovers range from inspiring to annoying, and Tim Robbins’ protagonist, Andy Dufresne, is pretty much a blank slate. Yet it’s definitely 100% worth watching for at least one reason: Dufresne’s escape is one of the best executed and most surprising ending in cinema history. It’s unusual for a twist in that it’s not been thrown in for shock value, but is genuinely meaningful and makes the rest of the movie’s message about hope much, much more powerful in retrospect. See it (if for some reason you haven’t) and be sure to bring some tissues for the manly tears…
1. The Great Escape
Most prison and POW movies are very introverted at heart: they are about people struggling against the system, people struggling against their own weaknesses, people struggling with the loneliness of being a convict… That’s why it’s so refreshing that The Great Escape managed to take a true story of a bunch of POWs tunneling out of a WWII era camp and turn it into a full-blown adventure movie instead (though admittedly one with a depressing ending in which practically all the prisoners are all recaptured or killed). From Steve McQueen jumping the wire in an attempt to escape his motorcycle-mounted guards, to the awesome theme music, to the great culture clash scenes in the prison between the American and British prisoners, the movie is full to bursting with great lines and classic moments. Along with the Indiana Jones series, The Great Escape helped to define what fun movie-watching is meant to be about.
Storm Show’s 2011 ski/ride adrenaline film promises to be its most adventurous undertaking to date. The record books were shattered with over 700 inches of snowfall having blasted the Teton Range of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. As to be expected, big lines go down one after another, guys & girls alike... On display is the deepest of deep that will make your pants soggy, and massive cliff hucking that you can watch safely from your couch.
Highlights include Jeff Leger’s legendary 80 foot swan dives, and Adam Osgood’s 100 foot double-front flips… Also in the running is Derek Depiero’s first un-roped descent of Birdbrain Couloir in the Jackson Hole backcountry, and Travis McAlpine & Darrell Miller’s first descent of the disgustingly exposed Nomad Couloir. Yes, 2011 was one for the record books, and Action Jackson is the ski film that proves it…Epic!
Having a real-life Batmobile in your driveway sounds like a fun idea. Upon closer inspection, however, it's not going to be that exciting. Most often, Batmobile replicas are powered by something like a junkyard-salvaged General Motors 350, featuring an interior reminiscent of a hastily cobbled together 24 Hours of LeMons racer. A man by the name of Casey Putsch decided he wanted a Batmobile to call his own, but he wasn't ready to settle for second-rate.
This particular Putsch is the same man behind Putsch Racing, an outfit that restores, designs and appraises all manner of items automotive. When we said that Casey Putsch wasn't going to settle for a low-rent Batmobile, we meant it. Instead, Putsch has assembled what he says is the only turbine-powered Batmobile in the world.
Under the long hood of Putsch's Batmobile sits a Boeing turboshaft engine plucked from a naval drone helicopter. The power output is rated at 385 horses, which is good for a vehicle that weighs around 2,800 pounds.
Besides the engine upgrade, this Batmobile has an interior that would make Bruce Wayne nod approvingly. That's all you can hope for really, since it's impossible to make Mr. Wayne jealous. Putsch strapped an Apple iPad into the center stack of his super(hero)car, which then acts as his avionics system and also supplies GPS information.
On a recent episode of The History Channel’s Pawn Stars, the boys at the shop had an opportunity to buy a replica of the Michael Keaton “Batman” Batmobile. Upon hearing this news, several Fork Party Editors collapsed and defecated in their pants.
After they woke back up they found a golden glowing letter from the web content gods. It said “Ye are tasked with writing a post about lame things that could be made better with control of the Batmobile.” After passing out one more time the editors woke up, changed out of their jorts and began chiseling this piece out of their brain with icepicks… and beer… lots of beer.
The Laundromat
Nothing is worse than the laundromat. It’s life’s little ball-tap. You walk in and it’s filled to the brim with shady characters and people who look like 1930′s era gangsters on the lamb from the cats in blue. It seems dangerous also. Laundromats always kind of feel like a knife-fight is about to happen. It’s a generally unpleasant place. So could you imagine rollin up and blowing the 4 inch ash off of the cigarette being smoked by the 600lbs man who’s gut is hanging outta his stupid circa 2001 novelty shirt that says “Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?”- with the exhaust from the MOTHERF**KING BATMOBILE?! AWESOME!
Court
So in a drunken stupor you punched a man out on Friday night who you thought said Star Wars sucked. The police show up and they find the meth in your pocket or whatever. These actions can land you in a magical place called court. So on the big day you put your tie on and tuck your shirt in extra neatly. You make sure your shoes are extra shiny… then you use your car starter and fire up the Batmobile. You exit your place of residence, look up into the sky and put your sunglasses on. You slide across the hood of the Batmobile and hop into the hatch from the driver’s side. You do 145 mph all the way to the court house. Then you get there and park it at a meter. Even the judge would say… “Dude that was awesome — you’re free to go.”
The Grocery
Oh darn it. Your girlfriend just realized you are all out of nutmeg. Better make a trip to the supermarket. The supermarket is already kind of awesome. You get to be aggressive over checkout counters. People unleash hilariously awkward yelling and wrestling moves on their horribly behaved children. Hell, there’s even an old lady with a kooky eye thats handin’ out 2 inch wieners crudely pierced on a toothpick that you don’t even trust. What’s not to love? But envision for a second, the sheer joy that would be found in your soul while you intimidate someone backing out of a parking spot… WITH THE FREAKING BATMOBILE RUMBLIN’ ON THEIR BUMPER!
A Relative or Best Friend’s Wedding
Weddings can sometimes be a hassle. There’s lots of people you don’t know. You’ve got incredibly awkward dancing. And who can forget the drunk and bitter extended family? Nothing would blow all that chaos out of the water quite like the exhilarating feeling of making the bride cry because you drove the Batmobile to her most special day. You could then leave with one of the hot bridesmaids sitting shotgun…in the friggin’ Batmobile! VICTORY!
A Relative or Best Friend’s Funeral
For some reason funerals are always Bummerville U.S.A.! Lots of crying and speeches from people who weren’t formally trained to speak in public. There’s breakdowns and reminiscing. Then for some odd reason there is a ton of food prepared by obese elderly women. We here at Fork Party would want one of you to drive the Batmobile to our funerals… out of principal! That’s a true friend.
A Company Picnic
Your boss invited you to the “mandatory, without being mandatory” company picnic. All the people you loathe monday thru friday will now be sharing booze with you and partnering up with you in the potato sack race on your saturday. It is hard to find a more heinous event than a corporate get together. So think of the alpha male effect parking your Batmobile next to your boss’ Benz would have on him. You could show up late everyday for a year!
The County Fair
There isn’t much that the fair doesn’t offer in the way of unusual. You see rednecks of all different creeds, sizes and ride-preference. There are Carnies who make ends meet by slangin’ fake Oxy behind the bumper cars. You will learn the true horrors of poor dental care first hand at the county fair. So picture for a second how sweet it would be to blow back mullets by zippin by in the motherforkin’ Batmobile. Yeah, it doesn’t get any better than that.
So we all learned something very important today. That being of course, the vast amounts of epic badass owning the Batmobile would bring.
You’ve probably all seenASCII font art before, but this is something else entirely. It’s Star Wars characters drawn with only characters from your keyboard.
They were made by an Italian ad firm, though I’m not quite sure what exactly they’re selling. Just how awesome and creative they are?
A Stormtrooper and Yoda are below, and it really is impressive how good these look considering how they’re assembled. I wish there were a few more in the series, but maybe if they catch on the agency will do another run.
Epic is overused. Heavily, heavily overused. The internet has corrupted a perfectly good word, and now it’s used almost as badly as lol. Anything that’s vaguely humorous gets slapped with the label without any appreciation for what it truly is. You know what’s epic? Hundreds of armed and trained men, slaughtering each other ruthlessly on the field of battle. Blood and death up to your knees, under the chaos of war. That is epic, and these 14 scenes all exemplify the word, as the 14 most epic battles in cinema history.
14. Gladiator, the Germania Battle
The opening battle of Gladiator is perhaps the purest distillation of the epic battle scene that you can imagine. It has all the crucial ingredients, leading to an almost Platonic ideal of a war. You have the general, who is a brilliant tactician and a born leader. You have a clear, and easily identifiable enemy. Interesting military equipment. A rousing speech, and most importantly, a memorable line. “At my signal, unleash hell.” And, of course, blood. Lots and lots of blood, cleaving of people, horrible wounds, and everything else. A fine way to begin our list.
13. Last Samurai, the Final Charge
I had…issues…with the Last Samurai. Mostly just because of the incredibly boring trope of the outsider Westerner suddenly arriving out of nowhere, and becoming the best at something everyone else has trained their entire life for. Plus Tom Cruise’s oddly hairless chest. Even unoriginal plotting can’t take away from the immense power that the final battle had, beautiful in its futility. It’s such an absolutely heart-rending way to show the head-on collision of modernism and tradition, and the forced reforms of Meji era japan. Those chainguns, just cutting through the charging warriors, damn. Plus, Ken Watanabe is amazing in everything.
12. The Patriot, The Battle of Camden
I get it, this battle is meant to show the futility of war, especially 18th Century tactics. Everyone just kind of lines up, and takes turns shooting at each other, and someone loses. A crop of young men, barely teenagers, are cruelly snatched away. Blah, blah, blah. Watching this scene, it’s hard to see it as anything but comedic, and let’s face it, Mel Gibson only signed up for this project because he hates the British. This battle makes this list for one reason, and one reason only. A dude gets decapitated by a cannonball. Enough said.
11. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, The Final Battle
Again with the Russel Crowe. This time, we’re dealing with the ferocity of a sea battle during the Napoleonic Wars. The entire film plays as an elaborate cat and mouse game between the British and the French, as the Surprise and the Acheron chase one another. Naval battles are always a great excuse to show insane amounts of violence in a movie theater. After all, you have archaic weapons, more likely to wound than kill; hundreds of people packed into a small space, more likely to get hit by shrapnel; explosive everywhere; add the constant fear of drowning, and you’ve got yourself a perfect recipe for a bloody, brutal, and above all memorable battle scene.
10. Return of the Jedi, Battle for Endor
Okay, ignore the Ewoks, their side of things was stupid, but everything else? Absolutely fucking amazing! The perfect trap laid by the Emperor (and Ackbar’s famous line), the huge battle between the Rebels and the Imperials, the landside attempts to disable the shields around the Death Star, the rallying of the Rebels at the last minute, absolutely everything is pitch perfect. This also marks the first and only time an A-Wing was actually useful in a fight. While Jedi wasn’t the best of the original trilogy (that honor goes to Empire), the Battle of Endor really was the best of the space battles across any of the films.
9. Curse of the Golden Flower, The Final Battle
Chinese film Curse of the Golden Flower arrived late in West’s period of fascination with psuedo-historical Wushu epics that was triggered by Crouching Tiger. Curse of the Golden Flower was a sumptuous story of repression and intrigue in the Imperial Court, set in a semi-mythical Chinese past. It was stunningly beautiful, and absolutely filled with cleavage. One of the final scenes of the film was the bloody rebellion between the second son of the Emperor against his father. Hundreds of elaborately outfitted warriors clash in a bloody battle among a field of Chrysanthemums, using tactics pulled straight from a 13-year old boy’s imagination. Black clad assassins fly through the sky, impromptu stairways are made from spears, and human powered walls crush the rebellion. It’s beautiful, artfully choreographed, and utterly pointless.
8. A Bridge Too Far, the Parachute Drop
Back in the day, before computers were powerful enough to allow for CGI stand-ins in battle scenes, you actually had to get enough people to represent the armies properly. For the famous parachute scene in A Bridge Too Far, real people threw themselves from real military planes, just in the name of verisimilitude. Thousands of soldiers rain down on the enemy troops, doomed to die in an overextended assault on Axis forces occupying the Netherlands. This film also had one of the finest ensemble casts ever, with Dirk Bogarde, James Caan, Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Edward Fox, Anthony Hopkins, Gene Hackman, Hardy Krüger, Laurence Olivier, Robert Redford, and Maximilian Schell.
7. The Lord of the Rings, Helm’s Deep and Pelennor Fields
The two major battles from The Two Towers and Return of the King share the seventh spot, as do a number of other battles from the trilogy. While #8 on this list showed that sometimes people create the most convincing battles, Lord of the Rings showed just what CGI can do, and for something set in the archetype of fantasy, there’s really no other choice. The siege at Helm’s Deep, with its thousands of orcs, shattering themselves against those walls, and then Pelennor Fields, with rampaging ouliphants, the death of the Witch King, and the Dead of Dunharrow. Both define the term epic, and both kept us rapt watching our screens, having us believe that these incredible events might actually be possible.
6. Apocalypse Now, the Helicopter Attack
The rousing strains of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries play as helicopters drop napalm on a small Vietnamese village. Not so much a battle as a massacre, the intensely one sided fight between the VietCong and American troops came to perfectly symbolise American hubris over Vietnam, and the belief that pure strength of arms would be enough. And who can forget that infamous line “I love the smell of napalm in the morning… The smell, you know that gasoline smell… Smells like, victory.” All to secure a beach for a bit of surfing.
5. Braveheart, the Battle of Stirling
Mel Gibson, again fighting the British. One might even think he holds a bit of a grudge. When I was in High School, we had the Army show up one day, and show us a clip from Braveheart, and the famous speech at the Battle of Stirling by William Wallace, as an example of a “great leader”. The ensuing battle is brutal, bloody, and the stuff of cinema legend. A rag tag bunch of filthy Scots take on the well trained English, and through sheer force of will, manage to win. Sure, the historical accuracy may be a bit on the slim side, but if I wanted, that I’d be watching documentaries. Wallace’s speech, and ensuing victory, are magnificently done, even if it is one of the most wildly inaccurate historical films ever conceived.
4. Spartacus, The Final Battle
Look, here’s the basic rule for classical epics. Don’t fuck with the Romans. Sure, they may be decadent and oppressive, but they will fuck you up on the battle field. They’re excellent tacticians, better armed, better trained, and just generally better than you. You can heavily outnumber them, and they will still stomp you into the mud. Even if you lead an army of the righteous, slaves rebelling against their masters, you will die horribly. Even if you win a couple of battles along the way, eventually they’ll get you. I don’t think there’s ever been a movie about battles with Rome in which the main character does not die horribly at the end. You have to hand it to Kubrick, the final battle of Spartacus defined the word epic, with hundreds and hundreds of extras gleefully participating in choreographed destruction.
3. 300
The whole thing, okay? Apart from the parts of the film taking place in Sparta, all of 300 is a bloody tribute to the art of the epic battle scene, with glorious beautiful death raining down on everyone. I think attempting to point out a single scene which is particularly of note would be foolhardy, as the entire flick is glorious.
2. Zulu, Battle of Rorke’s Drift
To modern watchers, Zulu is a problematic film. Noble English defending themselves using better technology and tactics against a massive force of “inferior” black dudes? Yeah, there’s a whole bunch of nasty interpretation going on there. That said, the final battle from Zulu is so riveting and amazing, it’s impossible to ignore its power. The Zulu chants at the beginning, which the Welsh battalion tries to counter with a company song. The massive number of attackers charging a small number of defenders, desperately trying to defend makeshift barricades, and the final rally which leads to victory. Peter Jackson has specifically said that Helm’s Deep was patterned on this classic, and Ridley Scott borrowed the Zulu war chant for Gladiator. That’s how influential this scene was.
1. Saving Private Ryan, Omaha Beach
27 minutes long. Half a freaking hour. That’s how long the opening assault is on Omaha beach. A full 1/6 of Saving Private Ryan is devoted to one of the most harrowing, terrifying, inspiring battles ever put on screen. No other movie has ever captured the gut churning terror and chaos of a beach assault the way Private Ryan did, and the death that came with it. More than any other entry on this list, it also showed that it was possible to have historical accuracy at the same time as memorable cinematography and amazing action, without descending into cartoon villains and anachronistic heroes. The D-Day Invasion depicted in Saving Private Ryan is harsh, brutal, and and amazing piece of cinema. It rightly deserves to be at the top of this list.
Being a man isn’t what it used to be. When my grandfather was born ninety years ago, he was pushed into a world which expected certain things from him because of his gender. He was a man, he had to stand on his own two feet. He would be a provider, a fixer, and when it was called for, a fighter. A man had to be independent. A man had to be strong. A man had to be in charge. A man had hair on his chest and even more hair on his balls. He’d take care of women, knowing that they couldn’t take care of themselves. He’d keep his emotions to himself, because there were things to be done and no time for tears. He’d make a living with his hands, he’d grow calluses on his finger tips. A man’s role was certain, you were born knowing what kind of a person you were supposed to be. But even then, the world was changing.
I wonder what the world would look like now, to my grandfather. Could he understand it? Could he comprehend it? Even before he died a decade ago, my grandfather seemed like a stranger lost in a strange land. He stayed trapped inside a cocoon of his own devising because the world had moved on, and there was simply no way he could move on with it. Most of those changes have been for the better. Men have, after a little prodding, willingly sacrificed their dominant place in society and moved over to give women an equal place next to them. In doing so we’ve gradually modified what it means to be a man, and that’s mostly been for the better too. But inside every guy there’s that caveman waiting to get out, that testosterone fueled badass who wants to take charge and grab hold of the universe with his own two hands. For awhile, movies provided an outlet for that. Stallone and Schwarzenegger built their careers on it in the 80s. But then that too, changed. And maybe that wasn’t always for the better.
Movies are, to those funding them, an investment. You put money in and you hope that, if the people you’ve given the money to use it right, you’ll get even more money back out. At some point, someone in Hollywood figured out that the best way to make the most money was by filming something which catered to the widest range of tastes possible. You can make an action movie, and a lot of men will want to see it. But action movies, more than any other type of movie, cost a lot of money to make. If you’re going to spend that much on a film, then you want to make sure you get as many people as possible buying a ticket. So you take that action movie, add a female character, give her a romantic subplot, and then maybe women will want to see it too. Or if you really want to get the girls battering down the box office, you make your male characters softer, weaker, better looking, better dressers, chiseled chins, smaller muscles, and more relatable to more types of audience members. Make your male lead a pale, frail-looking, well-mannered, tortured vampire. Make your male lead someone even your mother could love. Sensitive is sexy, isn’t it?
These days Hollywood has all but done away with the male-centric action movie. Guys looking for a place to refuel their testosterone tank have nowhere to go, and they probably haven’t even noticed. They haven’t noticed because the explosions and violence are still there, but movies aren’t really made for men anymore, they’re made for everyone. An action movie without romance is unheard of and our action heroes look increasingly like they could at any moment be cast in the next Twilight film. Adrien Brody, yeah that skinny, sensitive guy from The Pianist, just starred in a Predators movie. The Rock spends his days dressed up like the Tooth Fairy and there’s no one else to fill the void. That means this weekend when The Expendables opens, it may well be the last ever Man Movie.
The stars of The Expendables are not pretty, and the movie doesn’t try to clean them up. It tells the story of men who are old, and worn, and wrinkled, and meaty. The film’s heroes are balding and calloused, their faces made of leather and stone. Their idea of fashion sense is wearing Kevlar vests over Hawaiian shirts. The Expendables contains no romantic subplot. The closest it gets to romance is in the decision to help a girl because she’s pretty, and even then it’s only because protecting girls is what real Men do. When one of the Expendables wants to say I love you, he does it by beating up a bunch of other dudes. Expendables is a movie for men. There’s a plot, but they don’t pay much attention to it. There are characters, but more often than not The Expendables is happy to ignore names and simply refer to its major players as “Men”. When Eric Roberts calls Steve Austin “this man” he says it in a way that you know MAN was written on his script in all capital letters.
The Expendables is a manly movie in every sense of the word. It’s a film about Men taking action, Men blowing things up, and Men punching what’s wrong. It’s the kind of movie you just don’t see anymore. The explosions and gunfire are still there in our modern, action-movie world, but the guys are always secretly sensitive and there’s always a girl. He’s socially responsible, maybe he even recycles. I bet he’s a good dancer. Not the Expendables.
Every second of The Expendables howls caveman; it screams muscles, and sweat, and grit. You’ll never see any of the Men in this movie in a Toyota Prius. They ride motorcycles whenever possible. If one of these Men needs drive a four-wheeled vehicle, then that vehicle must be a vintage pickup which growls with unseen power as it prowls down the road. Their guns blaze across the screen with a throaty, manly noise. Every bullet fired is like the roar of a lion, echoing across the savanna. But technology is never used, by anyone, when muscles will do. Why fire off a rocket, when you can hurl missles at your enemies using only the power of your bulging forearm? Characters grunt their lines at the screen, they wear their manhood on their sleeve. If someone gets a tattoo, they get it while sitting on a motorcycle, because while tattoos are manly chairs are for sissies. When the Expendables need to relax, they don’t rent a movie. They drink beer and hurl sharp objects at a wall, because that’s what a Man would do. When one of the Expendables screws up these Men fight it out, these Men may even try to kill each other, and then these Men forget about it, drink up, and move on. Emotion is as irrelevant as pain. They know the code. Men stick together. It’s not a façade, it’s not some act, these are simply Men, and the Expendables behave the way they do because that’s what a Man would do.
Except in the real world, Men don’t exist anymore. We’ve scrubbed them from our society. Those that are left, we mock and ignore. Sensitive is sexy and modern men are probably more like Patrick Dempsey than they are like Sylvester Stallone. I know I am, and I like it that way. But even a weakling nerd like me has a little Stallone inside him somewhere, and I need him. It’s the caveman inside a man that gives him the strength to stand up and do what’s right, when it isn’t easy. It’s the caveman inside that gives a man the endurance get up every morning and go to a job he hates, just to make enough money to put his kid through college. It’s the caveman who propels our soldiers, bravely off to war, defending their country in the face of certain death. Women do those things too and since I’m not one, I won’t pretend to know what it is that pushes them to be better people; but for men, I think a lot of what keeps us going, what keeps pushing us to achieve, is that inner caveman.
I’ve still got a little of that buried somewhere inside me, maybe in part because I’m over thirty, and old enough to remember the glory days of barbarians and badasses in my movies. But where are our sons going to find their inner caveman? How will your boy know what being a Man is all about? He won’t get it by shaving off all his body hair, oiling up, and watching So I Think You Can Dance. The Expendables is not a great movie, maybe it’s not even a good movie, but it’s a MAN movie in all capital letters. For fathers, The Expendables is a rare opportunity to share a little bit of the manly movie magic they shared with their dads, with their own sons.
It’s violent and gory and utterly reprehensible, there’s no denying it. And it’s true that the story’s a mess and the characters are two-dimensional. Everything Cinema Blend’s Katey Rich wrote in her negative review of the film is absolutely true. She’s dead on. Yet I’m not sure I’d want it made any other way. The Expendables should be like this. It must be this way. Cavemen are two-dimensional, black and white, on or off. From that dogged, admittedly dumb, often careless simplicity comes their power. So it is with The Expendables.
You could take your son to Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and let him live in a world of hipster dufus imagination, and that’ll be a lot of fun. But there’s plenty of time for fantasy. This weekend, for one weekend, maybe even for the last weekend ever, it’s the weekend of Men. Don’t let your son grow up without a little bit of The Expendables swinging a club somewhere deep down inside him. He’ll need that inner caveman. The world is changing and that’s a good thing, as long as we hang on to a little piece of whatever it was that made us men to begin with. This may be your last chance to share what that is, with your kid. Leave the women at home and growl your way into a theater with your son. Be Men.
Batman has always been known for all his wonderful gadgets (or toys), but his Batmobile still strikes a chord among fans as one of the coolest and most amazing vehicles that has ever surfaced. With that, it seems that many of those die-hard fans have also made it a personal mission to resurrect the Batmobile in different ways and designs that are extraordinary for fans and others.
So here we gathered the best from all the Batman fans with an awesome collection of 16 Epic Batmobile Remakes that are perfect for Batman fans and also include some extras such as the newest Batpod. There are many different looks that include the different Batmobiles throughout the years.
Batmobile Go-Kart Vehicle
Go-Kart enthusiasts would get a huge kick out of this amazing Batmobile Kart that is created out of a Go-Kart shell. The actual batmobile is not for sale, but the creator does offer the plans for anyone willing to take on such a feat and build their own Go Kart Batmobile.
Batmobile Tumbler Mod
This has to be one of the most amazing Batmobile creations that has ever surfaced. It is a homemade Batmobile Tumbler that is outstanding from the ground up and Bob Dullam really stuck to the look of the Batmobile from Batman Begins and the Dark Knight. Best part yet…it is up to scale and is completely functional.
When Batman’s Batpod showed up on the big screen, every fan’s heart stopped in complete awe and excitement. So when we see a real one was modded and brought to life, it simply makes our Geeky life have meaning.
Batmobile Smart Car
With rising Gas prices, it is no wonder someone has thought that the Batmobile should respect the situation and find ways to cut back. It may not look like the Batmobile we have grown to love, but no one can deny that it is still just as cool. It is a miniature Batmobile Smart Car that has the looks, the shape and the Batman factor which will make fans interested, but it will also save money on Gas and have an easier time finding a parking spot.
Batman Batmobile Superbus
Created by a team of students at UT Delft, Netherlands, this Batmobile Superbus just takes the looks of the Batmobile and streteches it. This Superbus does not include any fancy Batman gadgets and such but sure beats riding the Big yellow bus to school.
Lego Batmobile
So you want to have your own Batmobile but really do not want the expense and other nonsense that would come with such a popular vehicle? Well, your best bet would be to build your very own Lego Batmobile, which is much smaller but then again…it would be easier to carry, cheaper to make and is a great reminder of the Caped Crusader without the baggage.
Lego 1966 Batmobile BoxCar
This is another great Lego Batmobile but in a completely different style. Here we have a Lego 1966 Batmobile BoxCar which is detailed, cute and even presents the awesome Caped Crusader. A beautiful remake!
Batmobile Corvette
Throughout the Batman movies and shows, there have been various Batmobile versions, but this Batmobile Corvette is one of the best…taking after the 1989 Batmobile that was in the Michael Keaton days. It was created by Randy Hecht using custom Fiberglass/marglass and is also street legal. It does mention that many Corvette fans are just appalled by such mistreatment of the Corvette, but I am sure Geeks will disagree, for the Batmobile is an exquisite find.
There have been numerous amounts of Computer Mods created, but this Batmobile Tumbler one is just extraordinary. Not only does it house an actual computer for your daily Web surfing, but it looks exactly like the cool Batmobile Tumbler Batman fans are crazy over.
This specific Batmobile is the actual one from Batman Forever. Unfortunately, similar to the let down of the movie, this Batmobile was auctioned off and comes with fine details that specify that it cannot be driven publically. This means that it could sit in your driveway and collect dust, just like this specific Batman movie probably does.
The second one is an actual homemade Batmobile replica from the same movie and although the finish is awesome, the movie is still a let down.
Lastly, here is another Batman Forever Batmobile that was developed from a Bugatti replica on a ‘77 VW pan and was then added the sculpt and method to make it all 22 feet long. It is a monster, but bad movie or not…the Batmobile still looks awesome.
Here are two cool versions of an oldie Batmobile created out of VW Beetle vehicles. They may not be as sleek as the ones above, but I am certain Batman fans would still love to own one.
This specific Batmobile does not have the cool Batman factor as we would expect, but it provides another solution for die-hard Batman fans who want to mod their regular vehicle. Of course, it is not as flashy, innovative or cool, but it is still a Batmobile and probably would still make a geek just as happy.
Worst Batmobile Remake
This final one is probably the World’s Worst Batmobile Remake! I guess it is better than nothing, but then again…it seems like someone got happy with the paint and glue, without a care for absolutely nothing else that is Batman. For example: cool, sleek, and exciting!
Remember the A-Team teaser from a couple months ago? The one introducing us to the revival of the beloved ’80s-TV mercenaries, adapted to slicker, more contemporary and/or insanely expensive action-film tropes? If so, the new trailer that premiered this morning will help flesh out the dimensions of that nostalgia trip. If not, you’re in for a treat! A bombastic, plotless, oversharing treat, but a delicious one nevertheless.
Of all the explosions and one-liners and appeals upon appeals to the 14-year-old boys in the viewing audience, the new trailer features no cannier move than to emerge a day after The Expendables trailer exposed us to the more grizzled side of mercenary living. Fox clearly will not be outshone by some glorified Sylvester Stallone B-movie, and nor will The A-Team’s smirking ensemble allow the more grizzled genre pros to usurp their birthrights to summer tentpole glory.
That said, it seems like there’s a little too much here — too many set pieces given away, too many ’80s callbacks hinted at… I mean, if you’re going make the symbolic effort of [SPOILER ALERT] destroying B.A. Baracus’s van as if to start the franchise anew, why tell me before you have my money? It’s not a new problem by any means, but come on, Hollywood: Save something for the theater. Because of course we’re going.
The American film industry took a giant leap forward in 1903, with the release of The Great Train Robbery, a thrilling 11-minute movie about a Wild West holdup. The silent picture was the first “heist" film ever made and it has since inspired a legion of imitators who have gone on to tell bigger and better tales of cunning criminal capers and impossibly big scores. We’ve decided to pay tribute to this exhilarating genre by presenting a list of the top 10 most electrifying criminal schemes ever executed on film. Our selections are based upon the size of the score, the bravado of the criminals and the complexity of the job. We’ve also included corresponding movie clips for each of the highlighted films to allow you to watch the thievery unfold.
10
In and out and back again
The Thomas Crown Affair The score: Monet’s San Giorgio Maggiore at dusk
Nearly any thief can steal a priceless piece of art, but it takes a criminal mastermind to return the item to the scene of the crime while everyone is watching. That’s precisely what wealthy socialite Thomas Crown does when he infiltrates a highly secure New York museum with a team of identically dressed accomplices. We won’t ruin the ending for you, but suffice it to say that the ensuing game of cat and mouse is nearly as priceless as the painting he pilfers.
Pub. 03/12/10
9
The sky is falling
The Italian Job The score: Gold bullion
The best scores are the ones that happen in broad daylight. That’s precisely what transpires in The Italian Job when a daring group of thieves use a little cunning and a whole lot of explosives to steal a safe right under the noses of three gun-wielding guards. The ensuing high-speed boat chase through Venice provides a welcome burst of adrenaline to offset the film’s slower moments.
Pub. 03/12/10
8
The bottom line
Entrapment The score: A priceless Chinese mask
Catherine Zeta-Jones proves that technology is no match for acrobatics as she bobs and weaves her way through a series of criss-crossing infrared security beams in order to steal a priceless Chinese mask. Her fabulous flexibility and remarkably sensual movements (illustrated in her famous practice run of the score, shown in the accompanying video) elevate this otherwise pedestrian heist film into a stunning work of art.
Pub. 03/12/10
7
Gotham bank withdrawal
The Dark Knight The score: Millions of dollars in mob money
The only thing more terrifying than clowns are clowns with grappling hooks and semi-automatic weapons. This frightening vision comes to life in the first six minutes of The Dark Knight as The Joker and his crew make an armed withdrawal at a Gotham bank. Although this bloody burglary lacks the elegance of some of the heists on our list, its dramatic execution and the eye-popping size of the score are more than enough to merit its inclusion.
Pub. 03/12/10
6
Armored car robbery
Heat The score: $1.6 million in bearer bonds
Even the most brilliantly conceived robberies don’t always go according to plan. Take Heat, for instance. Neil McCauley’s carefully planned armored car heist turns into a bloodbath when a new recruit murders a guard, thereby requiring McCauley and his men to execute the remaining witnesses. The scene is a harbinger of things to come as the group engages in another deadly shootout toward the film’s explosive conclusion.
Pub. 03/12/10
5
Ex-presidents
Point Break The score: Unspecified amount of money and bank bonds
Anyone can rob a bank while wearing a woolly balaclava, but it takes real chutzpah to hold one up while dressed as Ronald Reagan or Richard Nixon. The so-called “ex-presidents” gang makes it onto our list of the top 10 scores by injecting a bit of colorful bravado into the deadly business of burglarizing banks.
Pub. 03/12/10
4
Customs house invasion
The Score The score: A priceless French scepter
This film represents the first (and last) time Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro appeared in the same film, and watching the two Hollywood heavyweights together is a rare treat that every cinephile should indulge in. Moviegoers will also enjoy watching the film’s central con unfold as De Niro uses cutting-edge technology and good old-fashion cunning to break into Montreal’s heavily guarded customs house.
Pub. 03/12/10
3
Inside job
Inside Man The score: Nazi documentation
When is a bank robbery not a bank robbery? When it’s a brilliant diversion, of course. Master criminal Dalton Russell gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “inside man” when he stages an elaborate bank robbery allowing him to set up residence in the building’s basement completely undetected. The ensuing heist is all the more sweet thanks to the careful planning and remarkable patience that go into its execution.
Pub. 03/12/10
2
Seismic shutdown
Ocean’s 13 The score: $500 million and Willy Bank’s beloved diamond necklaces
In Ocean's 13, 3 minutes and 20 seconds turns into a lifetime for Vegas casino owner Willie Banks when Danny Ocean and his crew momentarily disable his security system by simulating an earthquake. The security breach costs Banks a cool $500 million, making it far and away the biggest heist in our list of the top 10 scores. Sure, it’s a bit far-fetched, but the film is so stylish and fun that you barely even notice.
Pub. 03/12/10
1
The wire game
The Sting The score: Mob boss Lonnegan’s loot
The Sting claims first place on our list of the top 10 scores for having the most elegant scheme. Gondorff (Paul Newman) and Hooker (Robert Redford) manage to swindle Chicago crime boss Doyle Lonnegan when they organize a wire game, an elaborate scam in which a sizable group of con artists create a simulated wire store where the results from horse races are received by telegram and posted on a large board. The results, of course, are determined in advance by the con men, who in turn give their marks a number of surefire betting tips to build up their confidence before bilking them for a large sum of money on a piece of carefully calculated misinformation. Gondorff and Hooker execute the con to perfection and even add an unexpected twist at the end to ensure they’ll never again have to worry about Lonnegan or his goons.
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All you art collectors out there. Here is a chance to get a Giclee copy of some of Ian M Sherwin work. Ian is planning on doing a whole series of Marblehead, Massachusetts paintings. His work is amazing.
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