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Monday, October 27, 2008

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great NFL Cheerleaders

Throughout the summer our friends at Busted Coverage, Uncoached, Don Chavez, and On 205th have been regularly updating us on the comings and goings of NFL cheerleaders. Keeping up with the pretty ladies of pro football got us to thinking about the prerequisites to being an NFL cheerleader, namely a hot body, a cute face, a killer front court, and the use of all limbs.

Oddly enough we can think of several actresses who meet these requirements, all of whom would have made solid NFL cheerleaders in another life. To keep things manageable we’ve limited our list to anyone who has ever headlined a feature film, regardless of how shitty. Here are our favorites.

Shannon Elizabeth. Talk about fitting the mold. Just think, she could have made it as a cheerleader, a Hooters waitress, OR a boat show model. That’s what we call range.

Halle Berry. Die Another Day and Catwoman may as well have been audition tapes.

Jessica Simpson. How ironic is it to think Jessica would have probably joined the Cowboys’ cheerleading squad if the whole being famous thing hadn’t worked out?

Eva Mendes. We are almost certain she did a tour of duty as a Dolphins cheerleader. We’ve got our research team (two homeless guys) digging through old calendars as we speak.

Heather Graham. Circa 1999. She may have missed her true calling.

Carmen Electra. A stretch as an actress, we know. You have the brilliant minds behind Epic Movie and Disaster Movie to thank for her ability to make this list.

Jessica Biel. She has roughly five years of cheerleader shelf life left. If she makes a few more movies like Next she may need them. Keep your fingers crossed.

Denise Richards. Circa 1998. Being married to Charlie Sheen we’re pretty sure she’s already familiar with the wardrobe.

Rosario Dawson. Stich a fleur-de-lis on this outfit and you’ve got yourself a Saints cheerleader.

Rebecca Romijn. Circa 1996. It’s a shame LA didn’t have a pro team in the mid to late nineties, she may have found herself waving pompoms.

Angelina Jolie. Circa 2001. She’s probably too good of an actress to make this list but we really wanted an excuse to post a Lara Croft photo.

And Jessica Alba. We’re counting on her post-pregnancy boobs to help her achieve the front court quota.

We’re sure we’ve missed several. We’re also sure our audience is made up of just the people to point out our deficiencies. Let us have them.