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Monday, October 27, 2008

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great CFB Cheerleaders

Several months back we did a popular feature on twelve actresses who would have made great NFL cheerleaders. That was easy to compile seeing that all that is really required to be a successful NFL cheerleader is a hot body, a cute face, a killer front court, and marginal motor skills. Well, it’s recently been brought to our attention we never did a similar feature for college football cheerleaders, so here we are.

The prerequisites to be a CFB cheerleader are a bit different from the NFL variety. Not only do the pretty ladies need to be cute and petite, but they also have to convincingly handle elementary memorization and pull off the occasional back handspring. And for all that, they get cut a little slack in the front court department. To keep things manageable we’ve limited this list to anyone who has ever headlined a feature film, regardless of how terrible. Here are our favorites:

Sophia Bush. Sophia almost definitely missed her calling. Just how far can six seasons of One Tree Hill get someone anyway? If she’d been on the squad at our alma mater we wouldn’t have been allowed to attend games due to the restraining order.

Rachel McAdams. We don’t have the exact number in front of us, but we’re pretty sure somewhere around 8 out of Rachel’s first 10 roles involved playing a cheerleader of some sort, which is ironic since she’s Canadian and everyone knows Canada is anti pom pom.

Kate Bosworth. Yeah, we’re man enough to admit we’ve seen Blue Crush. And we walked away convinced Kate would dominate a basket toss.

Isla Fisher. Isla has more than enough spirit to go around.

Mila Kunis. Mila has Pac-10 written all over her.

Elizabeth Banks. Zack & Miri probably should have considered going the fool proof cheerleader/locker room route.

Kristen Bell. We’re of the opinion that Kristen was genetically engineered to be the top of a pyramid.

Natalie Portman. Does the Ivy League even sanction cheerleading squads?

Kate Mara. We Are Marshall would have been a whole lot more depressing if not for Kate in uniform.

Anna Faris. House Bunny Anna, yes. Scary Movie Anna, not so much.

Vanessa Hudgens. The ASU squad is currently holding a spot open for Vanessa. Keep your fingers crossed.

And Jessica Alba. We’re pretty much convinced Alba would have been good at anything, outside of making watchable movies of course.

Keep an eye out for our upcoming “Cheerleaders Who Would Have Made Great Actresses” piece, and, based on the popularity of that, our potential “Actors Lame Enough to Be Male Cheerleaders” follow up.


Anonymous October 19, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

Who is in the 2 pictures at the top of the article?

gjblass October 19, 2009 at 2:10 PM  

i am not sure...sorry