WARNER BROS BRINGING PENNYWISE THE CLOWN TO THE BIG SCREEN WITH IT

Hot off the success of Watchmen, Warner Bros has acquired the movie rights to another 1986 novel with a large fanbase: Stephen King's It. Also made into a 1990 ABC mini-series starring John Ritter, Richard Thomas and Tim Curry, It is the story of a group of childhood friends from the 1950s who reunite in the 1980s when one of the members of their "Losers Club" dies, ultimately teaming up to fight a strange monster that lives in their hometown's sewers and takes the form of a creepy clown named Pennywise. For the movie version, the decades are being bumped up a bit, so they will be kids in the 1980s (or maybe even 1990s?) and adults in the 2010s (by the time the movie gets made). Dave Kajganich, writer of the Warner Bros flop The Invasion, is working on the script. Tim Curry did an incredible job being creepy on a John Wayne Gacy scale as Pennywise, so it should be interesting to guess who might take on the role next.

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 2: MYSTERIOUS TRAVELS

New Line Cinema, Walden Media and ContraFilm are reuniting for a sequel to the 3-D hit, Journey to the Center of the Earth. The plan is to adapt a pre-existing script entitled Mysterious Journeys: The Lost Map of Treasure Island by screenwriter Richard Outten (Pet Sematary II) as another adventure for the character played by Brendan Fraser. The concept of Mysterious Journeys centers around an island that was the inspiration for three different classic novels: Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson, Mysterious Island by Jules Verne and Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift (which is also being filmed this year as a movie starring Jack Black). From that, we can gather that the movie might involve pirates, giant insects, and either really tiny people, really big people or talking horses (or all three). Eric Brevig, who made his directorial debut with Journey to the Center of the Earth, has not yet committed to return for this sequel, and neither has Brendan Fraser. Here's hoping Mysterious Travels doesn't also feature a smoke monster.

Fantastic Four is Already Getting Remade?

#1 FANTASTIC FOUR ALREADY GETTING A REMAKE

IESB.net broke the exclusive news this week that 20th Century Fox, which is developing reboots of Marvel's Daredevil and their Planet of the Apes franchise, now also has plans to reboot Fantastic Four completely from scratch. This means none of the same cast will return, and most importantly (I think) neither will director Tim Story, who arguably exaggerated the lighter aspects of the classic Marvel Comics title, so much that it became just plain goofy and basically a kids movie. Both recent movies were hits ($290 million and $330 million), but they were also critically reviled (26% and 35% on the Tomatometer), and are generally unpopular with comics fans. IESB.net says that Fox wants the new version to be "less bubble gum" and more like Iron Man. No writer or director has been hired yet. Although I am very much in favor of Fantastic Four getting a fresh start at the movies (because I've been a lifelong fan and didn't see the comic I love in the movies) it's regrettable that the reboot will apparently not be done in conjunction with Marvel Studios, and that means that the Fantastic Four won't be able to rejoin the rest of the Marvel Universe in any upcoming Marvel productions. As for what I hope the next version of Fantastic Four is like, here are some thoughts: A) we don't need another origin story; B) Doctor Doom can also take a break for a while; and C) the emphasis should be on the quartet having strange adventures around the world, because to me those were always the best stories (i.e. Atlantis, Wakanda, Monster Isle, Attilan and the Inhumans, etc.)

Your cell phone is dirtier than a toilet. Here's help!

Cell phones harbor thriving colonies of bacteria and viruses. Researchers say, for example, that cell phones are major carriers of superbugs in hospitals. Now, a new gadget helps you sterilize your phone!

It's no wonder cell phones are so disgusting. Our hands are dirty -- we shake hands with people who are sick, touch bathroom door knobs and pet the dog -- and our mouths spew whatever disease-causing viruses and bacteria are infecting our bodies. Cell phones are constantly coming into contact with both hands and mouth. When they're not, they tend to be tucked a way in pockets, a nice, warm environment that promotes the growth of microorganisms.

Researchers at Ondokuz Mayis University in Turkey tested the cell phones of 200 doctors and nurses and found that nearly all -- 95 percent -- were tainted with bacteria, with some carrying the MRSA superbug that can sicken and even kill patients and that cannot be defeated with any antibiotic. They concluded that doctors and nurses were infecting patients with their cell phones. In the US, MRSA is the cause of most hospital infections.

There are several things you can do to protect yourself and others from your own cell phone. The easiest is to frequently clean your phone with rubbing alcohol.

You can also use a new product from PureLight, a company that makes UV wants for sterilizing large surfaces. Their new portable wand is designed for cell phones.

For the best protection, you can also use one of the methods above, plus use a Bluetooth headset most of the time, to minimize the mouth and hand contact with the phone.

Bernie's Madoff Jail Cell

Here's where Bernie Madoff sleeps tonight:

Here's where he slept last night:

'Crazy Eddie' Movie In The Works, Directed By Danny DeVito

By MICHAEL FLEMING

Devito More Articles:

Danny DeVito is set to direct "Crazy Eddie," a pic based on the life of consumer electronics king Eddie Antar.

Peter Steinfeld ("21") is penning the script, about the man who launched the successful Crazy Eddie chain in 1971 but wound up serving six years in prison for fraud.

DeVito and Steinfeld have secured Antar's life rights and will produce the film with Isaac Chera and Elliott Azrak, two businessmen who are supplying the development capital. Chera and Azrak grew up around the corner from the first store Antar and his family opened in Brooklyn.

Antar was a pioneer in discount consumer electronics, and Crazy Eddie's grew to 43 stores, fueled by TV ads in which a frenzied pitchman promised prices that were "In-sa-a-a-a-a-ane!" Antar took the company public and briefly became a Wall Street sensation.

He'd been skimming money and falsifying inventory to inflate stock value. Losing control of his company in a hostile takeover, Antar went on the lam after the new owners uncovered his financial shenanigans and the SEC charged him with stock fraud. He fled to Israel -- where he'd deposited millions of dollars -- only to be extradited three years later. He ultimately served a prison term that ended in 1999 and was ordered to pay $150 million in fines.

DeVito, who has either directed or produced biopics on checkered figures such as Jimmy Hoffa and Andy Kaufman, said Antar and his associates will cooperate, and he promises that the film will be an honest look at a story that has parallels to some of the activities that led to the current crisis on Wall Street.

"He started as a guy who loved making deals more than money," DeVito said.

"He lived an outrageously spectacular life and suffered an outrageously spectacular fall," Steinfeld said.

Steinfeld, who developed a relationship with DeVito when he scripted "Be Cool" and "Drowning Mona," just penned a remake of "Slap Shot" that will be directed by Dean Parisot at Warner Bros. DeVito just completed the Mark Steven Johnson-directed "When in Rome," and he will return for a fifth season of the FX series "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

In Italy, a Vending Machine Even Makes the Pizza

Lucio Tonina/SITOS

The Let’s Pizza vending machine at a shopping mall in Trentino, Italy. It can turn flour, water, tomato sauce and fresh ingredients into hot pizza in a few minutes for a price as low as $4.50.

By JOHN TAGLIABUE

Published: March 13, 2009

ROVERETO, Italy — Is Europe bringing back the automat? Claudio Torghele hopes so.

Over the last decade, Mr. Torghele, 56, an entrepreneur in this northern Italian city who first made money selling pasta in California, has developed a vending machine that cooks pizza. The machine does not just slip a frozen pizza into a microwave. It actually whips up flour, water, tomato sauce and fresh ingredients to produce a piping hot pizza in about three minutes.

The machine, which Mr. Torghele calls Let’s Pizza, is only the spearhead of a trend. Restaurants reminiscent of the old Horn & Hardart chain in the United States, which are fully automatic, are also showing up around the Continent.

Unlike the old automats (the last Horn & Hardart closed in 1991), which were staffed with workers who refilled the machines with creamed spinach and baked beans as fast as customers pulled them out, these restaurants consist entirely of vending machines.

In Milan, a two-hour drive west of Rovereto, a franchise chain called Brekky has opened the first three of what is planned to be a large chain of restaurants in which customers can buy cold dishes like salads and sandwiches, and warm dishes like pasta, from vending machines.

North of the Alps, the automat never really died out. In the Netherlands, Febo, a chain started in 1941 by a Dutch baker, now has about 60 restaurants. In France, bright green and yellow Yatoo Partoo machines — the name loosely translates as “You can get everything, everywhere” — sell milk, juice, snacks and sandwiches 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The European vending machine industry, which has grown significantly and now has annual sales of about 26 billion euros, or $33 billion, hopes the trend will catch on.

Much recent growth came with the placing of vending machines in factories and offices, where employees took coffee breaks or lunch from machines. But as recession bit into Europe and factories and offices closed, that market has contracted.

At the same time, Europeans are looking for less expensive ways to eat out, and the automat is far less expensive than a white-tablecloth restaurant.

“These are developments that we are watching,” said Luciano Iannuzzi, chief executive of Argenta in Carpi, Italy, a large vending operator with about 120,000 machines.

The idea for a pizza robot came to Mr. Torghele after he worked in California in the mid-1990s creating a fresh pasta manufacturer. “At food courts I saw a trend toward vending machines,” he said at his office in this mountain town. “In fast food, I saw pizza everywhere.”

With backing from a Dutch investment fund, his own capital and money from friends, he set to work. A plan to simply miniaturize industrial technology for producing frozen pizza failed, but by 2003 Mr. Torghele had produced a machine ready to be tested in Chicago and shown at a trade fair in Orlando, Fla.

That same year, with the help of Unilever, the British-Dutch food giant, he test-marketed 20 machines in Germany. “We had a bicycle,” he said. “Now we had to pedal.”

The machine Mr. Torghele and his engineers produced is outfitted with little windows so the customer can watch the pizza being made. As in the Charlie Chaplin film “Modern Times” (in miniature and without Chaplin) wheels turn and gears grind. The customer presses a button to choose one of four varieties — margherita (plain cheese and tomato sauce), bacon, ham or fresh greens. A plastic container dumps flour into a drum resembling a tiny washing machine; a squirt of water follows, and the drum goes into a spin cycle, forming a blob of dough that is then pressed flat to form a 12-inch disk.

Tomato paste is squirted onto the dough and cheese is added before it is lifted into a small infrared oven. The baked pizza then slips onto a cardboard tray and out into the customer’s waiting hands. Mr. Torghele says the pizza will cost as little $4.50, depending on the variety.

It is not surprising that the new drive to offer fresh-made food is coming from Italy. Italians may be legendary for long lunches of pasta and wine, but they also lead Europe in vending machines, with more than 614,000 installed, compared with 593,000 in France and 562,000 in Britain, according to the European Vending Association in Brussels.

Much of Italy’s strength in vending comes from coffee. An Italian coffee vending machine may offer up to 18 different varieties, including espresso, cappuccino, ristretto, lungo and macchiato.

But with coffee markets increasingly saturated, machine manufacturers are casting about for new products to push, like books, DVDs, scarves and handkerchiefs, even model cars and trains.

Operators are also increasingly offering fresh produce, like apples, and other healthy food at schools and fitness centers.

“Vending hasn’t arrived at the end of the road,” said Mr. Iannuzzi, 52, of Argenta. “It’s mature, but it’s growing.”

Argenta reflects the opportunities that vending offered to investors. In 2005, Argenta was snapped up by Advent International, a British equity fund, which turned around and sold it in late 2007 to an Italian fund, Cognetas. In that time, Argenta had doubled its annual revenue, to $260 million, partly through acquisitions and partly through growth.

Now, with the economic crisis spreading across Europe, the industry faces a different landscape. On the one hand, as factories close, potential vending machine sites disappear. On the other hand, as consumers find themselves with less cash, the lower-priced items in vending machines become attractive.

Where does this leave Mr. Torghele and his pizza machine? Initially, he thought the United States would be his primary market, but he learned that market would be hard to penetrate. Instead, when his machine goes into regular production this summer, he will be focusing on Italy and its neighbors. But vending machine prices there average about $2,600, and his machine will sell for $32,000.

Still, experts in the business are not discouraging. “You have to have a location; you have to understand where to go with that machine,” Mr. Iannuzzi said. “But there is a future for that.”

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First Look At Family Guy's Star Trek Hostages

By Meredith Woerner

Two weeks from now, the cast of Star Trek TNG will reunite in cartoon form. Just about everyone from the cast of TNG is appearing on an upcoming Family Guy episode — take a look!

In March 29th's episode, Peter and family head to a Trek convention, where they each get to meet a castmember from Star Trek: TNG — and I cannot wait to see what Peter will say about the disgusting relationship that was Troi and Riker. The episode is called "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven," and according to Fox:

Stewie blows a fuse when he doesn't get a chance to ask his favorite ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation' cast members any questions," reads the logline. "He devises a plan, builds a transporter and beams the entire cast to his bedroom so they can spend a fun-filled day together in Quahog.

Sounds perfect.

To see a much larger image of the crew click below.

• 

---

[Via Trek Movie]

100:1 Guy-Girl Ratio at a Phish Concert (PIC)

Phish Hampton: The Dudes in the Front Row

Photo by J.Bryce. Used with permission.

Learn about Phish Summer Tour 2009 on Jamtopia.

Man, I thought this picture of an Umphrey's Aragon crowd was funny, but the Phish Hampton picture above takes the cake. For some inexplicable reason, there's about 4,000 dudes and only 40 chicks 46 chicks* on the entire floor at the Phish Hampton show on March 6th — basically a 100:1 ratio of guys to girls.

We pretend to like the dudes in the front row.
Trey Anastasio

I identified every floor mistress I could find with a little red arrow, but feel free to click the image above for the high-res pic and look for yourself. It's entertaining and sad all at once.

* Thanks to the amateur Columbos who found the other 6 chicks.

Update (March 16, 2009): Well incredibly this made the front page of Digg so welcome Diggnation to Jamtopia. Notably, one eagle-eyed Digger has taken the time to identify a handful of additional ladies in the picture. Thanks Gypzee. I'll post an update it later tonight. Props also to cryptographic genius kamerononfire who noticed a secret message hidden in the picture.

Hugh Hefner Selling $28M Mansion

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is unloading the Holmby Hills mansion adjacent to the Playboy Mansion for $27,995,000. The mansion has been home to his estranged wife Kimberly and their two teenage sons since the late 1990s.

The two-story, 7,300-square-foot (700 square meters) English manor-style personal residence was built in 1929 and purchased by Hefner in 1998.

It has five bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a library and commons for staff. Some of the walls are hand-painted, and there is a hand-carved staircase.

The home sits on 2.3 acres (one hectare), borders the Los Angeles Country Club and has a pool.

The two homes share a fence and the boys, heading off to college, could easily walk between their parents' respective houses.

The Hefners married in 1989 and despite appearances otherwise, never divorced.

More pictures of the home here

Here is a Google map from above the two homes. The Playboy Mansion's backyard appears to have been tented at the time it was taken:

Michael Jackson sells out all 50 U.K. gigs

LONDON, March 13 (UPI) -- Organizers of pop star Michael Jackson's shows at London's O2 Arena, set to begin in July, say all 50 scheduled concert dates are sold out.

The BBC said more than 1 million tickets to Jackson's "This Is It" London concert series have been sold.

The 50-year-old U.S. recording artist, who last toured 12 years ago, initially announced plans for 10 London gigs, but more were added due to the overwhelming response from fans.

"We never thought '50 shows' and frankly based on the queues on Ticketmaster, plus the 300,000 registrants we still haven't issued codes to (for online ticket buyers,) we could spend two years here," AEG Live's Randy Phillips told BBC Radio 1's "Newsbeat" program.

"Mike asked me how long he would be in the United Kingdom for and I told him, probably long enough to get a British passport," Phillips added. "Michael's already pretty much put together a list of the dancers he wants. Michael's very engaged now."

The BBC said some tickets to the Jackson shows are being re-sold on eBay for thousands of dollars apiece.

The International Space Station Needs Laser Turrets

By Jesus Diaz

OK, let's cut the crap here, NASA: After today's near-evacuation, it's clear that you need weapons on the International Space Station. And don't forget to put web controls so we all can play.

Seriously now: This is seriously fraked up. The ISS is almost as big as a Corellian corvette and it's up there defenseless, floating peacefully, sitting like a dinosaur-sized duck, waiting for one of the 18,000 pieces of tracked space debris to crack it open and take it down in a fiery ball of junk.

Sure, they have a escape spaceship for astronauts. In case things go bad—like they almost did today—they can jump in there and fly away before the worst happens. However, after all the money and effort put in the only human post in space, do we want to send everything to hell for a piece of orbiting crap? Wouldn't it be better to install defense mechanisms against space debris—or, ah, hmmm, alien ships!—to preserve the ISS?

Technically, there are already weapon systems that may be altered to perform this task, but this is not an easy task. We know it is not as easy as firing a laser and taking down the incoming chunk of metal with a Star Wars explosion.

There's a lot of things to be taken into account. First, you will need to detect the threat and fire from a very long distance, so the resulting effect doesn't cause any harm to the ISS itself. Then, the method to take down the object will change depending on its nature. Is it a big satellite or just a big chunk of metal from a previous collision? Does the incoming object have explosive elements inside? If the object is too big and can't be obliterated in a single shot, perhaps it would be better to have some kind of rocket that may approach the object and change its orbit by exploding near it? Perhaps some kind of emergency tug that can attach to the object and take it down?

We don't know. Whatever NASA and its international partner can come up with, they need to do it as soon as possible. Things are getting complicated up there, and this doesn't conflict with the international protocols against the militarization of space—which, in any case, are being constantly violated by the US, Russia, and China.

This will be a defense mechanism against space threats, and that's exactly what the ISS needs. It is just too valuable to be left there with no protection. NASA, it's time to get some pew pew action going on up there.

Gang of 40 Squatters Invade $4.9 Million Home

By Daily Mail Reporter

Dozens of squatters have taken over a £3million mansion – and are threatening to prosecute the owners if they try to remove them.

A gang of 40 artists climbed through an open window and are living rent free in the Grade II listed building in Bristol, playing music and huddling around electric heaters.

The squatters claim it is a criminal offence to remove them and they are doing the owners a favour by keeping the building warm and dry.

A gang of 40 squatters have taken over listed Mortimer House in Bristol

Squatting is legal if entry to an empty property is not forced and there is no criminal damage. But the squatters can be removed if the owners get a court order.

Owner Jason Birakos was visiting the four-storey Mortimer House in the suburb of Clifton, when he spotted posters on the door and was told by the squatters that they wouldn't leave.

One notice said: ‘We live in this property, it is our home and we intend to stay here. The section 6 is a legal document making it an offence - illegal - for you to try and enter by force and anyway we'd much rather talk to you.’

One squatter, Miriam said: ‘We have occupied this property because we want to highlight issues of homelessness.

'Buildings like this get damp damage and we keep them warm - it is like having your own live-in security.

'We have agreed to leave on Monday morning. We have swept the floor and tidied up and we will leave it tidier than we found it.'

Mr Birakos, who represents AGM City Space Investments Limited, has vowed to take legal action if they are not out by Monday.

He said: ‘They claim they entered through an open window but I’m absolutely positive the whole property was secure and windows boarded up for insurance purposes.

‘The whole situation is extremely frustrating. My hands are tied right now but if they’re there on Monday morning I’ll seek legal advice and get them out.’

‘It’s a very intricate building with some marvellous features and I’m worried there will be damage caused by their presence.'

The building used to be a hospital and is due to be converted into a luxury £7million apartment block.

[A squatter gives a defiant V sign while staying at the Park Lane pad in January]

Squatters delayed an affordable housing scheme by taking over a home in the St Paul's area of Bristol in November.

In January squatters took over an empty £22.5million mansion in London’s Park Lane. They were evicted five days later after an order was granted to the owners.

Man Builds Home Version of $60 Million Flight Simulator

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Matthew Sheil with his homebrew 747-400 flight simulator.

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Matthew Sheil can fly to 27,000 airports without leaving his Sydney warehouse.

Sydneysider Matthew Sheil has built what could easily be one of the most elaborate big boy's toys in the world, and his efforts have earned him a Guinness world record.

Sheil is the top gun in the surreal world of flight simulator enthusiasts, where virtual pilots join virtual airlines, fly virtual routes and are assisted by virtual air traffic controllers.

For most, a joystick and Microsoft's Flight Simulator PC software is sufficient, but, over the past 10 years, Sheil has built what Guinness describes as the "world's most expensive home flight simulator".

A homebrew version of the $60 million simulators used to train pilots, Sheil's contraption is almost identical to the cockpit of a 747-400.

Thanks to 45 different software programs running on 14 different computers, the simulator allows Sheil to fly to and from 27,000 different airports around the world with breathtaking realism.

By day, Sheil runs a trucking parts company but at night he takes to the skies with other enthusiasts from around the globe. The simulator is stored at his warehouse in Chipping Norton.

It is able to mimic real-world weather conditions in any country with startling accuracy, and the hydraulics system means Sheil can feel every bump.

"When you taxi out on the runway you feel it bumping on the cracks in the pavement, you feel it when the wheels touch down," he said.

While only a handful of people in the world have a simulator that's anywhere near as good as Sheil's, thanks to Microsoft's Flight Simulator, anyone with a PC, joystick and an internet connection can fly with him from the comfort of their bedrooms.

Terry Scanlan, founder of the virtual flying association VATPAC, says there are 5000 members in Australia.

"We've got real pilots that fly for Qantas that are on our network and we've also got air traffic controllers that do this as a hobby as well - one of the air traffic controllers that works in Melbourne is in charge of our training," he said.

Scanlan said although air traffic control sounds boring it's actually fun and challenging. Last night he was tracking 20 or 30 aircraft movements.

"The challenge - as it is in the real world - is to keep planes from flying into each other and you do that by the use of the simulated radar that we have and we can actually see the targets and following real-world procedures we keep the aircraft separated," he said.

In Sheil's simulator, computer screens replace the windows and if he is flying in the virtual world behind a person in Melbourne, and they are using a Qantas 767, "we actually see a Qantas 767 out the window - the software puts it in there for us - and he sees us".

Moreover, if Sheil flies through Russia, he is greeted by a volunteer Russian air traffic controller. Cars can be seen on the road when he comes in to land and people wave at him from the terminals.

Sheil says it's sometimes easy to forget that it's a simulation.

No one involved in virtual flying make any money from it. In fact, all of the money Sheil earns by renting out his simulator for training is donated to the Royal Flying Doctor Service (RFDS).

The simulator cost him $300,000 to build - a far cry from the $60 million price tag on the professional simulators - but many of the parts were donated to him because of his charity work.

Every year, Sheil and scores of other simulator enthusiasts from countries including Britain, Scotland, USA and Austria, participate in an event called Worldflight (video here) to raise money for the RFDS.

Participants go to their nearest flight simulator - Sheil hosts about 15 people, some from overseas - and take part in a round-the-world-flight, taking legs in shifts for an entire week.

"They're here for the whole week and they'll be rostered on at certain times of the day to fly," he said.

"It's all done in real-world conditions - Qantas sponsors us and they provide airline food for a week."

Sheil is a veteran real-world pilot and owns a Beechcraft Baron B58. He said he preferred flying a real plane but enjoyed the simulator because there were no limitations.

"The [real] plane I fly you take off and you point it in the direction of Melbourne and you press a button and away it goes until you come into land, whereas a simulator you can do whatever you want - if you want to fly upside down, fly upside down," he said.

"If we hit a mountain or the ground the simulator just freezes in its current state and everything goes red - and then we just hit reset."

The Top Seven Awesome Things You Didn't Know About Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal has been a cultural icon representing everything squinty and badass about action films for around 20 years. He exploded onto the scene in 1988, ponytail intact, and has never looked back. But it’s easy to get cocky about Seagal trivia; a lot of people think they know everything there is to know about this mysterious man of aikido chops and energy drinks. The truth of the matter goes much deeper, so here are seven facts you need to know to consider yourself a master of Steven Seagal.

Source: Paul Harris/Getty Images

By Nathan Bloch

The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.

7. Steven Seagal speaks fluent Japanese

Source: Nathan Shanahan/Getty Images

It’s pretty impressive that the man spent ten years in Japan and became a 7^th dan black belt aikido master, and then came to America to teach overprivileged Hollywood insiders like Michael Ovitz the craft of kickin’ butt.

On top of all that, the man speaks fluent Japanese. Some have suggested that Seagal isn’t the real deal, that he’s just a fat, bloated, cowardly sack of crap who runs like a girl and is incapable of doing any of his own stunts or even telling the truth on a regular basis. To those apostates I would reply: Sayonara, pussies. Seagal has your number – and yes, he can count that high.

In Japanese, too.

6. Jean-Claude Van Damme challenged Steven Seagal to a duel

Source: Evan Agostini/Getty Images

Okay, so he didn’t challenge Seagal to a duel, exactly…no knives or rapiers or guns would be involved. But he most definitely did challenge him to a fight. I believe his exact words were: “I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. If somebody's going to speak bad about me, I will walk away. But if a guy like Steven Seagal slaps me once, I will slap him twice as hard. Life is full of violence.” Wow, thems ain’t lovin’ words, thems be fightin’ words.

Would this be the all time best showdown ever in the history of multicellular life on planet earth? Perhaps. Few real or fictional fights can compare. A few that would be in the running: Batman vs. Superman, Alien vs. Predator, Abraham Lincoln vs. Barack Obama, or Mike Tyson vs. a younger, even crazier Mike Tyson. Otherwise JCVD vs. Steven Seagal takes the cake, hands down.

An interesting side note to this fact is that after Tyson had his butt handed to him on a balsa wood platter by Lennox Lewis, Seagal manned up and did what had to be done: he challenged Lewis to a boxing match, even promising to follow boxing’s rules and leave his lethal weapons (his right and left legs) out of the fight. Lewis is still contemplating the challenge. It’s this blogger’s opinion that Lewis is waiting for Seagal to turn 70 before taking him up on his offer.

5. A mystical dog saved Steven Seagal’s dojo in Japan

Source: TAO CHUAN YEH/Getty Images

How much this is truth and how much this has now become Steven Seagal lore is hard to say, but it’s important as part of the creation myth of Seagal’s greatness. Among the great origin stories – the Popol Vuh, the Koran, the Bible – Seagal’s has some of the best stories, full of the richest metaphors.

Legend (Seagal) has it that while living in Japan and training in aikido he adopted a stray white dog. A few days later the dog began barking at him and brought his attention to the fact that his dojo was on fire. Seagal got help and successfully extinguished the fire, but the dog was nowhere to be found. He never saw this mystical white dog again.

The lesson of this story is that magical things involving mystical animals are no big thang to Steven Seagal, and if that dog hadn’t warned him about the fire then another, way more mystical, even whiter dog (or wolf or bear or tiger) would have warned him.

It’s really hard to burn down Steven Seagal’s dojo, so don’t even try.

4. Steven Seagal was a 17^th century monk in his past life

Source: John Heller/Getty Images

This, too, is a very difficult fact to verify. Seagal has explained his beliefs regarding his past life: “My old Buddhist teachers have identified the person I was in a past life. I was a 17th-century monk called Chungdrag Dorje. I believe this is true, but I don't dwell on it.”

And that’s the kind of modesty you come to expect from Steven Seagal. Here’s a guy who’s been told, point blank: You were a big friggin’ deal 400 years ago, a really holy son of a bitch. Anybody else would blow it out of proportion and write a memoir. Not Steven Seagal. Guy just takes it in stride and tells reporters every now and then – and never dwells on it. I found out I used to whistle when I was a baby and I still haven’t shut up about that.

Some of you cynics out there have probably already written some snarky comments about Seagal’s past life, but before you hit the post button you should read on. Turns out Seagal’s spiritual mentor, or instructor, or whatever – Penor Rinpoche – is the person responsible for discovering the secrets of Seagal’s personal history. He said, “When I first met [Steven Seagal], I felt he had the special qualities of a tulku within him,” but Seagal “has not undergone the lengthy process of study and practice necessary to fully realize what I view as his potential for helping others.”

The take home message here is that Steven Seagal was a big friggin’ deal 400 years ago. And he’s not exactly chopped liver now, either, even if he’s not the most helpful person on the face of the planet according to Pinot whoever. What were you in your past life? A squirrel?

3. Steven Seagal was poisoned in 1994 by a mysterious opponent

Source: Warner Bros./Getty Images

Seagal has never determined just who exactly it was that poisoned him back in ’94, but it’s pretty clear at this point that whoever this nemesis is, he’s smart enough to stay hidden.

We all know by now that this unnamed foe conquered neither Steven Seagal’s health, spirit, or acting ability, as all are to this day thriving and well. But things could’ve turned out much different had Seagal not wisely sought the medical advice of a Brazilian witch doctor. This doctor promptly expelled all demonic spirits from Seagal’s liver and kidneys and left him stronger in the places he’d been broken – though his ponytail never regained the thickness and shine it had before the poisoning. It was a small price to pay to keep Seagal in this world.

The moral of this story is: Do not secretly try to kill Steven Seagal, because it won’t work. But if you do try, don’t use poison, because Steven Seagal will have a spell cast on his kidneys. To be a secret nemesis of Seagal is to be a man engaged in a futile pursuit.

2. Steven Seagal broke Sean Connery’s wrist

Source: AFP/Getty Images

Seagal was employed to do the fight choreography for 1983’s Never Say Never Again, and was put in charge of personally training Sean Connery. While working with him he managed to break the star’s wrist, unbeknownst to Connery until years later. Which is a lesson right there: Steven Seagal can break you without you even knowing it. You might walk away thinking everything’s fine and dandy, but your bones know better.

The fact of the matter is that Seagal has had troubled relations with many of the actors he’s worked with. Julianna Margulies, while working with him on Out for Justice, described him as “the biggest jackass.” And at 6 feet 4 inches, she’s not joking, either – whatever Seagal is, he’s definitely the biggest. The rapper DMX and Exit Wounds co-star said of Seagal, “Steven Seagal is a f***ing s***head. With f***ing spray-on hair.”

Another story about Seagal, stunts, and a coworker involves the legendary stuntman Gene LeBell. Seagal was on set and made the claim that nobody could ever choke him out. LeBell took him up on his offer and the two had a little wrestling match. LeBell had him in a choke hold and Seagal couldn’t get out of it, going so far as hitting him in the crotch to escape. Eventually Seagal lost consciousness, urinated himself, and later blacklisted LeBell from getting hired again, resulting in a protracted lawsuit.

Who was the real winner in this scenario? Clearly, it was Seagal, not only for allowing himself to be beaten and humiliated, but also for pretending that he hadn't allowed himself to be beat and humiliated on purpose. Genius.

Clearly Seagal tends to inspire envy in those he works with, which is something we can’t really hold against him. But more important than what those say about him is what the man says about himself. Striking a philosophical tone, Seagal said of himself, “I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.”

I haven’t read any books or poems by Seagal, but I think we can all safely say: Mission accomplished, sir. Mission accomplished.

1. Steven Seagal had a tuxedo tailor-made to conceal two firearms

Source: Time Life Pictures/Getty Images

I think this fact alone really says everything about the man, the myth, and the legend that is Steven Seagal. Most people, when they leave work, clock out, go home and relax. Not Steven Seagal. Seagal is on call all the time, which is why he needs to make sure when he’s out partying at black tie social events he’s showing up fully loaded. What’s the point of being a one-man murder machine if you aren’t packing at least two handguns?

The fact of the matter is, if we actually know that Seagal packs heat in hidden compartments in a tailor made tuxedo, what other weapons is he holding that we don’t even know about? Throwing stars in his cuffs? Knives in his sleeves? A collapsible rocket launcher in his pants?

The man is a walking weapon, but he’s not going to just show up at some charity function like it’s all s**** and giggles. Anyone who’s been the go-to guy for the CIA his entire adult life knows that when the poop goes down you gotta be ready to shoot everything in sight. The guns, knives, and bombs he conceals on his person are like an extension of the aphorism his life represents: Healthy living is remorseless killing.

The message here is pretty simple. When you invite Steven Seagal over for dinner, don’t ask him to take his shoes off, because he might decapitate you with a battle axe in his sock. The fact that Seagal is by all appearances a slow, overweight, narcissistic fraud incapable of hurting anything other than his own reputation simply means he’s expertly manipulated you into putting down your guard.

Always respect Steven Seagal. The guy is a big friggin’ deal.

Ride the world's 'steepest' rollercoaster..ARGHHHHH!!

Ride the world's 'steepest' rollercoaster with Stephen Robb

By Stephen Robb BBC News

After more than a century of striving to propel screaming riders ever faster, higher, steeper and longer, many roller coasters now hurtle to the limits of human endurance. So where is there left for the tracks to go?

The new attraction at Thorpe Park in Surrey, Saw - The Ride, claims to offer the world's steepest freefall drop - a beyond-vertical 100-degree descent back under the ride's 100ft (30m) peak.

It takes about three seconds.

Fasten your seatbelts

An even steeper 112-degree descent is due to be unveiled in July on a new ride - Mumbo Jumbo - at Flamingo Land in North Yorkshire.

Roller coaster one-upmanship is something of a tradition in the amusement park industry, with rides sometimes designed seemingly with headlines as much in mind as effective frights and thrills.

Coasters now stand hundreds of feet tall, race at speeds nearing 130mph, and turn the rider upside down with multiple inversions. Predictably, the US boasts most of the world's roller coaster records.

"In America there are so many parks, there are always these coaster wars going on," says Andy Hine, founder and chairman of the Roller Coaster Club of Great Britain (RCCGB).

But he adds: "When you get into these coaster wars, you don't always end up with a good ride."

"A roller coaster represents a really well choreographed sequence of unusual stimuli," says Brendan Walker, director of Thrill Laboratory and a visiting senior research fellow at the University of Nottingham.

The farther a roller coaster can push its dual extremes of fear and pleasure, the more thrilling the ride will be, he argues.

"Thrill as an experience is actually defined as a large, rapid increase in pleasure and arousal together," he says.

"If you can manage to pull somebody towards displeasure through fear, through danger, and then provide a pleasurable release, the margin of change is larger."

Shake, rattle

Most roller coaster fanatics prefer wooden rides, despite them tending to be smaller and slower than steel ones, partly because of the more anxious experience often involved.

ANDY HINE'S COASTER TIPS Sit at the back of the train to whip over hills and enjoy more 'airtime' Extend your arms to stretch trunk and enhance physical sensations "Keep your eyes open no matter how scared", because the imagination only creates worse Trains go fastest just after rain and at the end of the day For shorter queues, start visit at the back of the amusement park, move round it anti-clockwise, and ride during lunchtime

The swaying and creaking frame, the deafening rattle of the wheels on the track, and the archaic appearance can suggest that the ride - and consequently the riders too - may not be around that long.

"A wooden roller coaster has a lot more shake, rattle and roll about it," Mr Hine says.

With an estimated 35,000 rides on more than 2,000 of the world's roller coasters behind him, Mr Hine's favourite attraction is the wooden Phoenix, in Pennsylvania, US, standing at an unimposing 78ft (24m) and with a top speed of about 45mph.

Mr Hine claims that the most popular sensation offered by roller coasters is the weightlessness over a hill, when negative G-forces lift a rider out of their seat, and that this is more frequently experienced on wooden rides.

"They don't build them high, they don't build them fast. They have to compete in another way - they go for the fun factor," he says.

"They give you more 'airtime', which is an enthusiast's favourite part of the ride."

Not for no reason, Airtime is the name of the RCCGB magazine.

Adult fun

On their arrival around the turn of the 19th century, roller coasters held iconic status in a rapidly changing world, argues architectural historian Dr Josie Kane.

"Suddenly you get amusement parks that are permanent. People go by train or by car. They travel quite long distances to these sites. They are technologically interesting in a way fairgrounds weren't," she says.

The mind is as deep and as broad as you want to play with Brendan Walker, Thrill Laboratory

"Roller coasters seemed to symbolise this massive, dramatic, radical change that people understood was happening with mechanised travel, industrialisation and technological advancement. They seemed to encapsulate that.

"They still do," she adds. "When people talk about the roller coaster of modern life, it's a metaphor for the fast pace, ups and downs and unexpected turns of living in a modern world."

A release from that metaphorical roller coaster is, of course, a fundamental part of the appeal of the real thing.

Height restrictions exclude most pre-teens from extreme coasters like Saw - The Ride, and attractions will insist children are accompanied by adults or offer warnings like: "Caution: May be a bit scary for the very young."

Mr Walker calls amusement parks "playgrounds for adults", where it is "socially acceptable to go and lose your inhibitions, and become as engaged as you want to, and scream".

"It's a bit of escapism," says Mr Hine. "When you go to a theme park you can leave all your worries at the front gate."

Downsize?

Saw - The Ride is a tie-in with the brutal horror films of the same name; from the moment people join the queue for the ride, grisly props of severed body parts and alarming sound effects aim to build tension and fear.

The bigger they are...

This combination of psychological and physical elements could hint at roller coasters' future.

"You can only go upside down so many times, you can only go 100mph so many times before it becomes boring," says Mr Hine.

"I think the days of really big rides are coming to an end."

Mr Walker expects theatrical elements to become increasingly significant in roller coaster design.

"We are on the borders of what the body can sustain," he says.

"Engineering could now do more to the body, but the body is a limiting factor. But the mind is as deep and as broad as you want to play with."

Having bounced the body around until it can take no more, roller coasters may start messing with the mind.

The next generation of rides could be mental.

'Socialize' it? Oregon may grow, tax and sell medical marijuana

Stephen C. Webster
Published: Thursday March 12, 2009

Submitted legislation would impose $98-per-ounce tax on cannabis

In most states, the issue of medical marijuana is not on any legislative docket.

In Oregon however, a state which already allows medical marijuana, socializing the weed is being pitched as a bipartisan cause célèbre.

Maybe socializing is the wrong word.

"House Bill 3247 would direct the state to establish and operate a marijuana production facility," reported Oregon's KGW-TV. "The state would control potency and pharmacy distribution."

Okay, so maybe it isn't.

If the legislation, which is currently in committee review, becomes law, the state would take control of Oregon's booming cannabis industry, bringing growing and sales under the public domain.

Oregon's current medical cannabis program allows care providers and patients to grow their own supply, but both Republicans and Democrats in the state feel the system is not working. Their solution is to bankroll the bud on the public dime and charge a weighty tax -- $98 per ounce -- every time an approved patient makes a purchase.

"Many patients have no assurance that their marijuana is not laced with pesticides or other toxic chemicals," Rep. Jim Thompson (R-Dallas), told The Oregonian. "If passed into law, this legislation will implement safe standards to dispense the drug through a tightly-controlled system."

"Rep. Ron Maurer, R-Grants Pass, and Rep. Chris Harker, D-Beaverton, are also sponsors of the bill," the paper reported. "Now that's what we call bipartisanship."

"Radical? For sure," said Oregon Live's Janie Har. "Even California, a state where dope dispensaries run rampant, doesn't have government workers growing pot."

"Private growers have been accused of illegally selling pot to non-cardholders, and other grow sites have been targeted by burglars and robbers," reported Oregon station KATU.

"There are growing concerns that private grow sites are being misused for illegal marijuana sales, threatening the safety and well-being of legitimate participants in the program," Rep. Chris Harker, (D-Beaverton), told the station. "(The bill) takes medical marijuana off the streets and into a safer and more secure environment."

In 2004, Oregon voters rejected a similar measure which would have created state-run cannabis distribution facilities. According to the state's Department of Human Services, about 21,000 have been approved for the medical cannabis program.

I Would Bend Over Backwards to Marry Her

Even though it seems the bending would be completely unnecessary on my part.

Kevin Smith's In-Depth Review of 'Watchmen'

by: David Chen

In this very special episode of the /Filmcast, David Chen, Peter Sciretta, Devindra Hardawar and Adam Quigley are joined by writer/actor/director Kevin Smith to discuss Zack Snyder’s Watchmen. In this epic, 1 hour and 45-minute long discussion, the five of them delve into the faithfulness of the film adaptation, the effectiveness of the film’s soundtrack, the controversy surrounding the film’s ending, the sexuality of Rorschach, and the resemblance between Zack Snyder and Jesus.

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