You're a wild type. A rebel. The kind of person who likes life a little spicier. The kind of person who wants a flash of Tabasco™ lighting up your shot of Southern Comfort™. Like a fling between liquor and pepper sauce, you're a radical -- you probably even listen to that dubstep music.
Er, sorry, fans of bowel-shuddering wobble, but your favorite sound has just become a hipness signifier for the desperately uncool. Showing up in songs by Britney Spears and Maroon 5 probably told us dubstep was on its way here (along with brostep's ubiquity and Skrillex on the cover of SPIN, among many other signposts). But at least Skrillex looks a little scary, and -- real talk -- "Hold It Against Me" isn't so bad. Much worse, at least if you're dismayed by the distance dubstep has come from its gritty south London roots, is the gutbomb of subterranean rumble now bringing a Southern Comfort TV spot to its climax. Witness:
The track is an instrumental version of Crush Effect's "Burn it Down," featuring Vokab Company (here's the original), but does it really matter? Capitalist America found one of the darkest, most uncompromising movements in recent music, got it drunk on sweetened booze and watery hot sauce in a New Orleans bar, and is now fucking it senselessly for as much cool juice as possible. The worst part is that it's brilliant -- SoCo was a preferred slurp of the rubgy-shirt-and-golf-visor set where we went to school, and aren't those same dudes right now torturing their dorm-mates with Rusko?
Dubstep purists, we know you are dismayed, but deal with it. The best underground movements are only hot stars being inevitably pulled into the black hole of commercial usefulness at the center of the musical galaxy. But it probably didn't help that Burial titled one of his tracks "Southern Comfort."