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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Charlie Sheen Has Angered A Society of Warlocks

article written by: Andy Green

So, just when you think your brain couldn’t possible force in any more glorious Charlie Sheen winning, the internet goddess shines upon those of us who really don’t have much to do and from her tantalizing nether-regions squeezes out a golden game-changing egg filled with awesome like this.Charlie Sheen’s comparison of himself to the warlock community has set off a fiery seed within these harbinger’s of might and magic. Nay, shall they tolerate the insolence of someone who does not understand what it is to control the cosmos that goes around saying things that make “REAL” warlocks look silly!

A group of obviously unemployed mystics of the craft from Salem, Massachusetts performed a ceremony in which they “intervened” in Charlie’s use of the term “Warlock.”

Well, little do they know..that Charlie Sheen is not only a real warlock… he is one of the mightiest warlocks in the galaxy. Fueled by enough cocaine tiger’s blood to obliterate three solar systems.

Charlie Sheen continues his centuries long march across the sands of time to fulfill the curse placed upon his head by some mightier warlock…probably Gary Busey. This curse that sentenced Charlie to an insatiable zombie-like desire to bang as many prostitutes as possible while on the search for the ultimate state of mind.

So Salem warlocks/virgins, in the words of Iron Maiden — RUN TO THE HILLS… RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! You have tried to impose your will on the face of the almighty Sheen… and he proclaims with an echo through the mountains and a crash of lightning through the sky — “IT’S ON!”