New fart-absorbing linens will save your marriage

By Peter Rugg

From: http://blogs.pitch.com

He just farted. But she'll never know....

​Apparently frustrated by the limited selection of fart-related products at Spencer's, a new company has created a blanket to absorb your spouse's gas and save your marriage.

Called the "Better Marriage Blanket," the special cloth is supposed to filter the odorous chemicals coming out of your butt, leaving the bed smelling fresh, and whoever is next to you blissfully unaware.

Starting at $29.95 the blanket comes in twin, queen, and king size, and in your choice of beige or white. It's being marketed by Overland Park's own Evans Media Group.

Based on the media response, it's poised to become the next Snuggie.
"The product has tested off the charts. When we put this up on YouTube, it got 1,300,000 views in six days. That's more than the Snuggie got." says Paul Evans, president of Evans Media Group. "It's been picked up by Graham Norton on the BBC, it's been picked up by the Today Show, and it was on Howard Stern yesterday."

​The Better Marriage Blanket still isn't available in stores, but considering the interest it seems likely you'll be able to find one in the as-seen-on-TV section of most major retailers soon.

The blanket's Web site calls it a "real solution to a very real problem," plaguing marriages today. It also recommends the blanket as the perfect gift for weddings and anniversaries. It also promises that the product contains the "same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons."

Footballer given yellow card 'for breaking wind' during penalty shot

By: Matthew Taylor

Referee books Chorlton Villa player for distracting rival with 'ungentlemanly conduct' at key moment in match

The drive to bring good manners back to football has reached new heights after a referee issued a yellow card to a player for "breaking wind" as a penalty was being taken.

The official deemed the act "ungentlemanly conduct" and booked the player responsible. However Chorlton Villa, who conceded a goal on the second take, went on to win the match 6-4 against local rivals International Manchester FC at Turn Moss in Stretford, Manchester, last Sunday.

Ian Treadwell, manager of Chorlton Villa for the past eight years, said his team had learnt lessons from the game in which three players were dismissed and two were booked.

"The other player had the penalty saved because it was a bad penalty it was nothing to do with any noise. Not one of their team remonstrated with the referee when the first penalty was taken.

"They were as shocked as we were as to why. We are waiting for the Football Association to contact us after they have received the report."

Treadwell added that his players' behaviour was "normally exemplary".

"We are not a dirty team and we like to play football. While I won't condone the actions of the players it is an emotive game and some of the players were sent off for entering into conversation with the referee.

"This has come at a bad time in the season as we don't have sponsor and we are looking for a new sponsor for next season."

Pauline Riley, secretary and treasurer of International Manchester FC, said: "Both teams are very friendly. There's no animosity. It was just hilarious."

Eat, Fart All You Want at SoCal Baseball GameLake Elsinore Storm understands dangers of all-you-can-eat promotions

By OLSEN EBRIGHT

Getty Images

You can finally pass gas without clearing out your section.

It's finally safe to pull your friend's finger at a ballgame.

The Lake Elsinore Storm, the Class A California League San Diego Padres affiliate, is teaming up with Subtle Butt to conceal fans' farting. "You can probably deduce that all-you-can-eat ballpark food might lead to substantial gas emissions, which is where corporate sponsor, Subtle Butt, enters the picture," Storm officials said in a news release. Although it should be obvious from its name, Subtle Butt is a disposable cotton shield tucked into your undies to conceal the odor of flatulence. Not everyone will be able to toot toot for the home team. Only the first 250 fans at the April 14 game will be able to get in on the Subtle Butt promotion. If you miss the game, don't worry though. You can always spring for Subtle Butt ($9.95) on its web site.