Why I Do Not Date

The 10 Types Of Bad Girls & Why You Fall For Them

From: http://www.askmen.com/

Which type of bad girl do you go for - and why? Find out the difference between the Sex Siren and the Addict before it's too late.

By Carole Lieberman, Ms. Heidi

Why She Plays The Bad Girl

“Just as little girls are forewarned that they’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before they find their prince, society forewarns little boys that they’ll need to slay a lot of dragons before they’ll win the heart of their true princess. These men grow up believing they are not entitled to a princess unless they accomplish some death-defying feat equivalent to slaying a dragon, such as making a ton of money, driving a fancy car, living in a mansion, displaying trophies attesting to their prowess in some sport or being able to flash business cards with an impressive title after their name.”

So begins my new book, Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, a self-help relationship book written to empower men and women to find the love they deserve. In today’s times, true love has become more elusive than ever. Instead, men and women -- fearful of being rejected and abandoned -- end up hurting each other and perpetuating the pattern of “bad” relationships. Bad Girls are on the rise, taking advantage of men’s insecurities to trap them by making them feel like the biggest stud on the planet.

My book continues: “A bad girl is a woman whose heart has been hardened by men who have hurt, abused or abandoned her in her past…. To protect herself, she has taken her heart off her sleeve and locked it away, having given up hope of ever meeting a charming prince who will kiss her and make her feel lovable…. She transforms her pain, fear and anger into a single-minded crusade to get ‘something’… leaving men’s broken hearts in her wake.”

Depending on which of the Dozen Dangerous Damsels she is, that “something” can include money, drugs, sex, protection, an affair, a man to hang in there without a commitment, a husband, someone else’s husband, a lifeline, a toy boy, a yes-man, or revenge. What makes each type of Bad Girl tick and why men are attracted to her have unconscious roots in childhood. Here are 10 examples of these damsels.

The Gold-digger (like Anna Nicole Smith and Oksana Grigorieva) wants a sugar daddy to pamper her because she feels entitled to take from a man what her father couldn’t or wouldn’t give her.

The Addict (like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Brooke Mueller) not only wants her substance of choice, but also an enabler to help her fill the inner void left over from lack of nurturance as a child.

The Sex Siren wants to be idolized for her sexual powers and uses sex as a weapon to turn men into lapdogs. Marilyn Monroe was sexually abused as a little girl and later used her sensuality as a survival strategy to hide the pain.

The Sexual Withholder wants to avoid having sex or to have sex only under conditions that she imposes because growing up, her femininity was wounded. As a preteen, Brooke Shields played a nude prostitute in reel life, which later caused conflict in real life about her sexuality.

The Husband Hunter & Trapper (like Jessica Simpson and Nadya Suleman) wants the security of being taken care of and the status of being a “married lady.” Since she doesn’t feel love for herself, she resorts to setting traps to catch a husband.

The Husband Stealer (like Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and Rielle Hunter) wants to prove that her beauty and charm are irresistible, even after a man has pledged his heart to another.

The Ultimate Damsel in Distress (like Blanche du Bois in Streetcar Named Desire and Susan Mayer in Desperate Housewives) wants to be rescued from fire-breathing dragons, which today means anything from loneliness to a low-credit score.

The Cougar (like Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon and Linda Bollea) wants a boy toy to play with, to help her turn back the clock so that she still feels desired and desirable and still has power over men.

The Ball-buster (like Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin) wants a man to prove he loves her by perpetually scrambling to meet her insatiable demands and surrendering to her so she can feel as though she has control over her world.

The Bad Girl Scorned (like Alex Forrest/Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and Monica Lewinsky) wants her man to cancel his plans to break up with her. Failing this, she wants to destroy his life by stalking him or extracting revenge.

To uncover the secrets Bad Girls use to make otherwise smart and successful men fall head over heels for them, I interviewed over 100 men who shared intimate details of their Bad Girl experiences. Their stories forewarn male readers and help them heal their wounds by seeing themselves in these similar predicaments. By understanding what makes each of these women tick, a man can crack the Bad Girl code and discover why he gets swept up in the heartbreaking drama, leaving good girls on the shelf who are ready to love him for who he truly is -- not how many dragons he has slain. Happy hunting!



Carole Lieberman, M.D., is a Beverly Hills psychiatrist and three-time Emmy Award winner. You’ll recognize her from her countless TV appearances -- from Oprah to O’Reilly. Bad Girls (Cogito Media Group) is available wherever books are sold. Watch the trailers on http://www.badgirlsbook.com.

Completely Honest First Date

Tags: Atom.com,Atom Originals,Atom Blog,Upload Videos

10 first date rules for guys

This is some very good advice for us single/dating men!!


By Susannah Breslin, The Frisky

Guys should act confident, smile and listen on a first date.

(The Frisky) -- Ah, first dates. So nerve-wracking. If only you knew exactly what was going to happen, then you could plan out everything in advance. But first dates are kind of like playing the lottery. You've got to be in it to win it, but sometimes you end up empty-handed. If you're a woman, you know these sorts of situations don't always go so smoothly.

If you're a guy, here are 10 tips that can make the first date easier on all of us.

Take charge. We do not want to decide where to go. We will never tell you this, but it is true. Ask us what kind of place and/or food we like; then, pick a place like that. Do not leave it up to us to choose. You are the man. Act like one.

Smile. When we arrive, smile. Maybe you are a tough guy. Maybe you are nervous. Maybe you are paralyzed. Either way, smile. Women are strange, exotic, intuitive creatures, and we respond well to positive reinforcement. Do not glower.

The Frisky: Marry my poor boyfriend?

Mind your body language. If your legs are crossed and your hand is over your mouth, we will unconsciously think you are hiding something. If you are sprawled out all over with your legs spread wide and your hands behind your head, we will think you are a slob or generally loose. Sit up straight, lean in closer, and keep your hands where we can see them.

Ask questions. This seems obvious, but it's surprising how many men don't do this. You know what women like? Attention. Also, kittens, flowers, and cupcakes. Nothing else. If you seem curious about the woman sitting across from you, she will like it. For sure.

Listen. You can't just ask a bunch of questions, and then not listen to the answers. They call this a "date," but, really, for women, it's more like a "test." If you e-mailed or talked on the phone beforehand, remember what the hell she told you about herself. If you forget, we will feel angry and want to leave. Then you will be sorry.

Use flattery, appropriately. If at some point during our meeting, you tell us we are "beautiful," "attractive," or "pretty," we will like you better than if you didn't. It's. Just. That. Simple.

Act confident. We really do not care if you are secretly neurotic, deeply insecure, or mildly nuts. We are interested in how you portray yourself. Act confident, interested, engaged, self-assured, ambitious, and happy. We like that. Thanks.

The Frisky: Tired of waiting for men

No pawing allowed. If you're going to score with us at some point, we will let you know. Trust. Occasional physical contact is OK -- a hand to the small of the back, a touch of the thigh, a brief holding of the arm while making a point. Do not grab anywhere in the red light zones. If we want your hands there, we will put them there.

Please pay. Feminism, shmeminism. Take care of the bill without comment. That is what we want. Wave off any offer to go dutch. We lied. We don't want to pay half.

Say goodnight. Don't meander off into the night. Do something. What -- that is up to you: a handshake, a hug, a kiss. Do it right, and you might get a second date

The Frisky: 20 ways to feel more confident about your relationship

TM & © 2009 TMV, Inc. | All Rights Reserved

7 things in your apartment that will scare a woman away

by Jenni Maier

More from Jenni Maier

Follow Jenni Maier on Twitter

Share

The second a woman walks into your apartment after a date (or drunken bar make-out), you can usually assume you’ll at least be getting to second base. However, just because she’s taking off her shoes and slurring all her words doesn’t mean that anything is for sure happening. If you have any of the following items in your apartment, it’s a safe bet she’ll walk right back out that door.

1 Broken furniture

You’re an adult now and your apartment should reflect that. There’s a problem if you’re still using your college couch with duct-tape patches as a realistic seating option. Throw out the bean-bag chair, take down the ceiling tapestry, and recycle the empty beer can collection you’ve been storing pyramid-style over the fridge.

2 Exotic pets

It’s the rare woman that will walk into an apartment and swoon over your naked mole rat. And no one wants to hook-up while a 12-foot boa constrictor munches on mice in his cage. Now is the time to decide if you want to raise an alligator in your bathtub or you want to see a girl naked before you die.

3 Locked doors

Movies have made it clear that there is never anything good behind a locked door. The options run the gamut from ailing grandmother to dead hookers to a collection of toe-nail clippings. Try and keep her from imagining the worst by refraining from tackling her and yelling “I told you never to ever go near that door!”

4 Dorm room posters

Posters that were cliche in college are now just embarrassing. Whether it’s the John Belushi college poster or the Bob Marley smoking weed poster, it’s absolutely unacceptable. Tear them down and replace them with a still life of fruit and a classic framed Playboy spread.

5 Moldy food

If the general rule in your fridge is to keep food a year beyond the expiration date, there’s a problem. Unless your fridge is stocked with blue cheese, there’s no reason to keep moldy and rotten food. And if your fridge is stocked to the brim with blue cheese, you’re probably more in need of the article “7 reasons you’re morbidly obese.”

6 Stains

Excessive drink stains, rust stains, and blood stains all tend to be a major turn-off when you’re trying to create a romantic atmosphere. Either rip out the carpeting before you bring ladies home or insist on only using candles. The candle light gives you the added advantage of looking far more handsome than you will ever look under fluorescent lights.

7 A huge mess

If you’re the kinda guy that considers your floor the trashcan and your trashcan a toilet, than you might have problems getting girls to stay at your place. While some girls may look at the roach infestation as an indoor sneak peak at nature, others will run out looking for the largest container of hand sanitizer. If the thought of cleaning up the mess gives you hives, do yourself a favor, and at least flush the toilet.

1938 Dating Guide For Single Women

From: http://pbh3.tumblr.com/

Apparently, the only keys to successful dating in the 1930’s for ladies were don’t talk too much, wear a bra, and don’t pass out in the middle of your date because you’re drunk.

High School Kid Uses YouTube to Land Prom Date With Maxim Model

In a move sure to inspire hundreds of copycats, 17-year-old Dakota Ridge High School senior Conner Cordova used a series of YouTube videos to get UFC Octagon Girl and Maxim model Arianny Celeste to go to the prom with him.

The Colorado teen took shamelessness to new heights to win his dream girl, including getting UFC fighters to assist him, dancing like a fool in Las Vegas and wearing a fake mustache.

Arianny's reply (which she posted a few weeks later): She'll go to prom, as long as Cordova has a date for her friend. Unsurprisingly, Cordova didn't seem to have any problems finding someone to fit the bill.

Keep reading to watch the video that reminds us that where love is concerned, desperation is no hindrance.

Guide to Dating Out of Your League

coedmagazine.com

By Michael Dance

The holy grail of dating is to actually find a girl who’s hot but is still willing to go out with you. And as you’ve already figured out, that’s really hard. But even if you’re not as attractive or as suave as that friend who has so much sex you want to punch him, even if you “have no game,” there are a few ways to tip the scales in your favor. These aren’t magic bullets. They’re practical, actionable things that you can do to help you snag that gorgeous girl who it turns out has low enough self esteem to actually go for you.

1. Actually Ask Girls Out on Dates

Look, you can’t date out of your league if you don’t have the balls to actually ask a girl out on a date. Sure, you might be able to get lucky at a party with a drunk girl, but as you’ve already experienced, it’s harder to do that consistently than you fantasized about in high school. So many guys whine inwardly about not being a chick-magnet and forget it’s because they don’t actually put themselves out there and talk to any girls.

If you want to date a girl who’s out of your league, you have to man up and make a move. Just talk to her. If you already know her, ask her if she wants to go out to dinner; if you don’t, ask for her number. And I hate to say it, but the Swingers rule is true: don’t call her right away. Don’t be Jon Favreau.

The key is to be perceptive. The problem for most guys who are unlucky with girls is not that they’re bad looking, it’s that they’re oblivious. Girls make it very obvious when they don’t like what you’re doing (and for the record, pick-up lines and transparent attempts to impress her never work). If she’s interested, she won’t be looking around the room for her girlfriends to save her. She won’t be responding to your questions in polite two-word answers. In fact, she won’t have to respond to too many of your questions, because she’ll be asking you questions, too.

If you’re not getting the signs, move on. Rejection sucks at first, but if you actually follow this advice and go talk to a lot of girls, two things happen: one, rejection will stop sucking so much, and two, your ratio of rejections/non-rejections will very slowly begin to balance out. I promise you: the world won’t run out of hot girls. Especially in college towns.

2. Don’t Talk About Yourself. At All.

“When I was in seventh grade, I was really into Magic: The Gathering.”

“Yeah, I love movies! I even went to the midnight opening of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Sat in the front row.”

“While I was masturbating this morning I was thinking about my mom…”

Okay, so all of those are pretty extreme examples of what not to say to a girl. (Or anyone.) The other so-obvious-it’s-a-movie-cliché no-no? Talking about an ex-girlfriend. I’m going to be straight with you here: if you even have the urge to talk about your ex-girlfriend, you’re not ready to get out there yet, and you’re doomed to fail.

But the “don’t talk about yourself” rule extends beyond just the obvious. I really mean don’t talk about yourself at all. You know why? You’re not interesting. You work in the scheduling department of a non-profit? You taught yourself web design? Your football team made sectionals in high school? Your professor is just super, super lame? Don’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcare.

Depending on exactly how “out of your league” the girl is, she’s probably not interesting either. Unless she’s Mary-Louise Parker’s illegitimate daughter who got the hot genes from her mom and currently works as a spy for the CIA, chances are she’s just some random bitchy princess you want to sleep with, in which case — pat yourself on the back — she’s even less interesting than you. If you ever want her to go down on you, just shut up and listen.

3. But At the Same Time, Don’t Be a Pussy.

There’s shutting up and listening to her stories, and then there’s letting her whine to you about this guy who’s mean to her and she’s so glad she has a really, really great friend like you. If you’ve gotten to the latter point, you’re beyond saving.

It’s not a secret anymore that in general, girls are attracted to guys who don’t treat them well. And it makes perfect sense: she’s really hot and has lived a life of everyone, especially guys like you, tripping over themselves to please her. The one guy who does things differently catches her attention.

But there’s two things wrong with that rule. First, you can only really pull it off if you’re good-looking. If you’re a hot jerk, you’re a badass; if you’re an average-looking jerk, you’re a tool. It’s not fair, but such is life.

The other problem is that most of you who need to read articles like this one are too nice. You literally cannot be a jerk to a girl. Your parents taught you manners, thank you very much, and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

There’s not. The solution? Just be assertive. That means, simply, that you should come across like a man who knows what he wants. When you ask her out, give her a specific time, place, and activity. Never say “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” If she asks your opinion on something, give it to her. Etc.

If she does specifically ask you about yourself, you’re permitted to tell her that you have a steady job or are well on your way down a lucrative career path. No, she’s not seriously considering you as a mate yet, but if you think there’s no difference between “I’m studying to be a lawyer” and “I’m an English major,” you’re wrong.

No dating, thanks, just sex

Sunday Star Times

Fairfax

ON THE TOWN: Young Kiwi women have an average of 20 sexual partners.

Relevant offers

Dating culture is dead - instead, young New Zealand women are regularly getting drunk and cruising around in packs looking for men to have sex with.

That's one of the findings of a TVNZ Sunday investigation into the sexual behaviour of New Zealand women. The programme makers did the story after Kiwi women last year topped the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey as the world's most promiscuous.

They are reported to have an average of 20 sexual partners, double that of their Australian and British counterparts and almost three times the global average of seven.

TVNZ Sunday correspondent Janet McIntyre said there was anecdotal evidence from the five women on the show that the Durex survey findings were valid.

"There's a new kind of mating ritual sex is the point of entry into the relationship."

If the first-up sex wasn't any good women weren't prepared to waste their time progressing the relationship.

"There's no dating culture any more." In candid interviews about their sexual experiences some of the women who are all in their twenties felt empowered by having sex and wanted to celebrate and enjoy it.

McIntyre said all the women who had experienced one-night stands had been affected by alcohol, a term described by at least one expert in a report as "getting pissed and hooking up".

Men are also feeling the impact from the new sexual tactics being employed by women.

The Sunday Star-Times' Being a Bloke survey last year found that 29% of the 5000 men surveyed felt they had been pressured into having sex or had had sex unwillingly.

So You Want to Hit on the Bartender?

Hitting on a female bartender presents unique challenges. Maggie suggests you ask yourself a few questions before you do.

By Maggie Savarino Dutton

1) What is the cold, hard probability that this woman finds you attractive? Assess your hotness now. I was a very friendly bartender, but you cannot mistake "professional jawing" for flirting. Female bartenders flirt. It's how we pay rent. Don't mistake it for liking you just because there's no pole and we're fully clothed.

2) Are you fully prepared to step in a giant pile of awkward if she says no? We flirt, but there is an unwritten rule that we can flirt, because you're not supposed to call us on it. If this is your regular bar, you are committing a social offense so egregious I almost want to smack you myself. Of course (deadpan), there's always the chance that you're meant for each other. Please see question #1.

3) What's your plan? You have to have a plan. "We should go out sometime" is not a plan. Do the two of you share an interest? Maybe an author or certain music? Bring an appropriate but small gift. How does she react? Positively or politely? (Take a friend for an honest assessment.) Take another baby step from there if you dare.

4) Only ask her out if it's to do something. Dinner's no good. (She works nights, duh.) A bike ride? Kayaking? She has days off; chances are she's got a daytime hobby, so latch on to that. Something that has a clear end time works best, but nothing that could lead to a nightcap. Remember, she witnesses 1:30 a.m. hookups all the time. Put her in that situation at your peril. Whatever you do, don't be eager. She sees through you like glass. It will be like putting the moves on Bruce Lee. So don't try, just be.

The female bartender is perhaps the most jaded, cold, walled-off, and unapproachable member of the female species. Remember, she spends her evenings listening to men bullshit women. She gets hit on by the douche with the popped collar while his girlfriend's in the bathroom. She mentally counts the number of sentences it takes a guy to work sex into the conversation, because they always do. In her mind, men are predictable, ridiculous animals who can rarely be trusted, or worth her time.

You still wanna date a female bartender? Well, you better be a pretty exceptional guy.

Good luck, and duck, you sucker.

Some websites to check out:
http://www.hotbartendersla.com/girlbartenders.html
http://www.smokinghotwaitress.com/
http://hotbartenders.blogspot.com/