The crowded backdrops of Star Wars movies aren’t just populated by Frank Oz puppets, interns, and robots in Rick Baker makeup: There are genuine stars (and famous directors) running around there! We’ve pinpointed nine folks who made cameos in Star Wars films, and I’m willing to bet you couldn’t catch most of these players upon first viewing. Sofia Coppola is practically hiding.
1. Keira Knightley Movie: The Phantom Menace Role: Sabe, the decoy queen Hired thanks to her resemblance to Natalie Portman, future Oscar nominee Knightley played Amidala’s doppelganger decoy and bodyguard. It’s the kind of fronting that could drive a woman mad. Talk aboutA Dangerous Method.
2. Rose Byrne Movie: Attack of the Clones Role: Dormé Long before she sneered and scoffed at Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids, Damages star Rose Byrne wasn’t so cocky as Padmé Amidala’s handmaiden Dormé. That expressionless mug served her well in Patty Hewes’s firm.
3. Joel Edgerton Movie: Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith Role: Owen Lars As Anakin Skywalker’s stepbrother Owen, Edgerton eventually takes custody of Luke Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith. He’s killed by stormtroopers in A New Hope, but it’s clear that Owen here has the fire of an Animal Kingdom/Warrior alum. Joel Edgerton is the brother of Ewan McGregor’s stunt double Nash Edgerton, and coincidentally, Owen Lars is named as Obi-Wan Kenobi’s brother in the novelization of Return of the Jedi.
4. Marton Csokas Movie: Attack of the Clones Role: Poggle the Lesser Looks like Celebron from The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King has a sexy past with other fantastical franchises. In Attack of the Clones, Csokas voices Poggle the Lesser, the separatist Archduke of Geonosis who is gunned down by Darth Vader on Mustafar. Wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing happened to him in The Debt.
5. Keisha Castle-Hughes Movie: Revenge of the Sith Role: Queen Apailana of Naboo Soon after the august New Zealand actress scored an Oscar nomination for her unforgettable work in Whale Rider, she played a forgettable queen in Revenge of the Sith’s funeral scene. Looking kind of Thai for a Kiwi!
6. Sofia Coppola Movie: The Phantom Menace Role: Saché The oldest of Amidala’s five handmaidens, Saché donned a red-orange robe and stared off like a downtrodden protagonist in a Sofia Coppola movie.
7. John Ratzenberger Movie: The Empire Strikes Back Role: Major Bren Derlin A few years prior to landing Cheers, the Pixar mainstay bundled up to play the deck officer Bren Derlin in The Empire Strikes Back. Even when he’s starring in a sci-fi classic, you just want to hand him a stein.
8. Joe Johnston Movie: Star Wars Role: Stormtrooper In an additional insert scene shot for the original Star Wars, the Captain America: The First Avenger director (and Oscar-winner for Best Visual Effects on Raiders of the Lost Ark) stands out on the Death Star surface looking over at the captured Millennium Falcon. Still a fetching costume to this day.
9. George Lucas Movie: Revenge of the Sith Role: Baron Papanoida The blue-skinned Baron Papanoida, who lingers outside Palpatine’s private box at the Galaxies Opera House, is your austere auteur, Mr. George Lucas! He’s glowering like Orson Welles in The Muppet Movie, but I’m sure he’s having a fine time.
In this weekend’s surprisingly not-near-as-bad-as-it-could-have-been release, No Strings Attached, Natalie Portman plays a doctor who’s too busy for a proper relationship, and instead creates a pact with Ashton Kutcher that develops into a “sex-only” one. How did Portman transform herself from child star to the odds-on favorite to take home Oscar gold (note: not for No Strings Attached) next month? You can always trace a direct line through a handful of important roles to illustrate what led to an actor’s current success, and with Portman, that line has been on a steady uphill climb sine her debut in Léon. So let’s look at eight performances — including something called “World Patrol Kids” — that trace the evolution of one Natalie Hershlag.
World Patrol Kids (1992)
Yes, in one of her first filmed performances, Portman dances around as a member of the World Patrol Kids who — for better or worse — try to educate the masses on the benefits of recycling. She’s doesn’t quite have down the dancing skills that she displayed in Black Swan, but could totally have been an extra in the video for Debbie Gibson’s “Electric Youth.”
Portman, in her first film role, plays a young girl who comes home to discover that a corrupt DEA agent has murdered her entire family. Seeking solace at a neighbor’s apartment (who also happens to be a hitman), Portman learns how to exact revenge and, in the process, falls in love with the hitman. It should be noted that Portman was 12 when she filmed this role and the hitman, Jean Reno, was 45. From an early age, Portman was never one to avoid controversial roles. Speaking of…
Beautiful Girls (1996)
In Ted Demme’s high school reunion dramedy, Willie (Timothy Hutton) — who is having a hard time figuring out what his relationship means — finds solace in the company of Portman’s character, Marty, who is 13. When filming, Hutton was only 35 — so not near as creepy of a relationship that we saw in Léon? No, still very creepy. This also marks the last time Rosie O’Donnell appeared in a film that could be considered watchable (for those who will say “It’s her only watchable film,” allow me to remind you of A League of Their Own, which I’ll defend until the day that I die.)
Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
The tables, as they say, have turned. Now it’s Portman who finds herself the cradle robber, falling in love with a Jedi Knight five years her junior (in reality, Hayden Christensen is two months older than Portman). Of the three Star Wars prequels, this is probably the worst — which is saying something — but, in Portman’s case, it did give her the most to do. She basically spends the first film sitting around dressed in strange head ornaments until near the end; in the third, it would appear that her instructions were to “sit around and look pregnant.” At least in the second film she gets to see some action from start to finish. Regardless, it’s a testament to Portman that she isn’t identified by her role in Star Wars, a label which pretty much every other actor (including Harrison Ford) has found hard to avoid. If nothing else, Portman holds the distinction of being nominated twice for Worst Screen Couple with two different actors: Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen.
Garden State (2004)
OK, there are a lot of people that hate Garden State. And, yes, most of the people that do hate Garden State do so for their deep-seated (and sometimes understandable) loathing of Zach Braff. But what Garden State did for Portman was make her such an indie darling, that her roles in the Star Wars prequels (including the yet to be released Revenge of the Sith) became an afterthought. After Star Wars, it was almost a cry of, “Hey, this actress can show emotion! We all forgot!” Also, for better or worse, Portman can be held 100 percent accountable for turning The Shins into a mainstream band, causing all Shins fans at the time to declare them “over.”
Closer (2004)
To date — and we have less than a week to say this — Closer is Portman’s only Oscar nomination. Here, she plays a stripper with a somewhat mysterious past involved in a relationship with an obituaries writer played by Jude Law (since this was 2004, it was safe to assume that the co-star in every film was Jude Law). Due to an aversion to nude scenes at the time, Portman never appears nude in this film, even though she portrays a stripper (some nude scenes were cut, perhaps due to her then work in Star Wars?). An aversion that she no longer has considering less clothed scenes in Black Swan and, more notably, the prequel to The Darjeeling Limited, Hotel Chevalier.
Saturday Night Live 2006
Has one SNL Digital Short done more to change the image of an actor? Though filmed in jest during Portman’s promotional tour for V for Vendetta, Portman message was clear: She’s no longer putting up with your sh*t. “All the kids looking up to me can suck my d*ck.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember Mark Hamill having a similar message in 1984 — but, perhaps he should have. As Chris Parnell found out, future interviewers of Portman, don’t ask her stupid questions.
At this point, what else can be said about Portman’s role in Black Swan? In a week, Portman will be introduced as “two-time Academy Award nominee,” and in a little over a month she will be an Oscar winner. (Unless something really crazy happens and/or Annette Bening pulls a Tonya Harding.) Also, it should be noted, Ashton Kutcher is in no way associated with Black Swan.
It’s not uncommon for stars to change their names before making it big. Whether to avoid confusion (one comedian’s birth name was Albert Einstein) or to add that special star quality (another famous heartthrob upgraded from Archie Leach), swapping out given names is a time-honored Hollywood tradition. Read on to see if you know which well-known stars have given the term “name dropping” a whole new meaning.
Albert Brooks (Birth name: Albert Einstein)
Through his first year of college, actor Albert Brooks was known by his birth name, Albert Einstein (no relation). To avoid confusion with the famous scientist, the actor chose Brooks, a family name, when he began his stand-up comedy career. The name switch was an obvious move for him: When asked why he did it, he replied: “Do I even have to answer?” Photo by Retna.
Ben Kingsley (Birth name: Krishna Bhanji)
The Academy Award winner was born in England as Krishna Pandit Bhanji—Krishna is the name of a Hindu god and Bhanji is a Muslim surname. He started his acting career in the theater, but when he decided to make the move to film, he changed his name because he, along with his father, believed a British name would help him succeed. He chose his father’s nickname, Ben, and a last name inspired by his grandfather’s nickname, King Clove. Of the name change, Kingsley has said: “The irony is that I changed my name from Krishna Bhanji to Ben Kingsley in order to play Mohandas Gandhi!” Photo by Retna.
Cary Grant (Birth name: Archibald Alexander Leach)
Hollywood legend Cary Grant was once known by a far less recognizable name—Archibald Alexander Leach. In order to escape his working-class English upbringing, Grant ran away from home and joined a troupe of comedians and acrobats. His travels with the troupe eventually led him to Hollywood, where he was offered a contract from Paramount under one condition: that he change his name to Cary Lockwood. After some negotiations, he settled on Cary Grant. Photo by Getty Images.
Charlie Sheen (Birth name: Carlos Irwin Estévez)
Like father, like son. Actor Charlie Sheen, born Carlos Irwin Estévez, decided to take dad Martin Sheen’s surname instead. But Martin Sheen was actually born Ramón Antonio Gerard Estévez, and adopted the name Sheen from his favorite Catholic archbishop, Fulton J. Sheen, in order to improve his chances at an acting career. It looks like it worked for both generations. Photo by Retna.
Demi Moore (Birth name: Demetria Guynes)
Despite the fact that Demi Moore no longer goes by her birth name, Demetria (her last name is from first husband Freddy Moore), she clearly has an affinity for unusual monikers: She named her three daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah. And it seems that name-swapping runs in the family: In 2007, Moore’s daughter Tallulah Willis (then 13 years old) legally changed her name to Lula Willis. Photo by Retna.
Elton John (Birth name: Reginald Kenneth Dwight)
The iconic singer, born Reginald Kenneth Dwight, changed his name to pursue fame. His choice was inspired by singer Long John Baldry and sax player Elton Dean. The star never felt at ease with his birth name—he’s even said that hearing it made him cringe—because he thought it didn’t have enough star power. “If you're going to make a record, Reg Dwight is not going to make it," he’s said. Photo by Retna.
Judy Garland (Birth name: Frances Ethel Gumm)
Judy Garland, born Frances Gumm, and her sisters used to tour the vaudeville circuit as “The Gumm Sisters.” But when the name was met with laughter at a performance, they were encouraged to choose a new moniker. The reason behind the choice of Garland remains a mystery, but there are plenty of theories. Two such explanations: that it was a tribute to the character Lily Garland from the film Twentieth Century, and that the trio had been told they were prettier than “a garland of flowers.” The star chose Judy as her first name based on a popular song. Photo by Getty Images.
Michael Keaton (Birth name: Michael Douglas)
Actor Michael Keaton was actually named Michael Douglas, but when he moved to Los Angeles and started auditioning for TV roles, he had to change his name to avoid confusion with the more well-known star. He chose Keaton for a surname because he’d read an article about actress Diane Keaton and thought her name sounded good. Years later, Michael called Diane and thanked her for her name, but the two have more in common than he realized: Diane Keaton was actually born Diane Hall. Photo by Retna.
Miley Ray Cyrus (Birth name: Destiny Hope Cyrus)
At age 15, Destiny Hope Cyrus legally changed her name to her childhood nickname, Miley. Her friends and family used to call her “Smiley” which eventually changed to “Miley.” As a tribute to her dad, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley adopted “Ray” as her middle name. Photo by Retna.
Whoopi Goldberg (Birth name: Caryn Johnson)
We have to agree: Caryn Johnson just isn’t as catchy as Whoopi Goldberg. The actress decided to give up her birth name when she started acting, and instead chose to go by her nickname, “Whoopee Cushion” (we’ll let you imagine how she got that name). Her mother convinced her to change her last name to something more conventional, and suggested Goldberg. Photo by Retna.
Mickey Rooney (Birth name: Joe Yule, Jr.)
Actor Mickey Rooney, born Joe Yule, Jr., got his big break when he was a child actor—he scored the part of Mickey McGuire in a show based on a comic book series. His mother wanted to legally change his name to Mickey McGuire to beef up the publicity for the show, but the comic’s creator wasn’t wild about the plan, so they went with Mickey Rooney instead. Photo by WireImage.
Shirley MacLaine (Birth name: Shirley Beaty)
Because she changed her name, it’s not common knowledge that actress Shirley MacLaine is actor Warren Beatty’s big sister (he added the extra “t” himself). During her early acting career she was auditioning for a role and the producer kept mispronouncing her name, so she opted to change it from Beaty to MacLaine. But she kept her first name, which was inspired by Shirley Temple. Photo by Getty Images.
Anne Rice (Birth name: Howard Allen O’Brien)
Author Anne Rice didn’t have fame in mind when she changed her name from Howard. According to Rice, her mother had named her after her father, but when a nun asked Rice what her name was on the first day of school, she told her it was “Anne.” Her mother, knowing how self-conscious Rice was about her given name, let it go, and she’s been known as Anne ever since. Clearly a fan of playing the name game, Rice has also published novels under the pen names Anne Rampling and A.N. Roquelaure. Photo by Retna.
Bono (Birth name: Paul Hewson)
Thanks to his vocal skills, the lead singer of U2 was given the nickname Bono Vox—which means “good voice” in Latin—by a friend. He dropped the Vox and became known as Bono by everyone, including close friends and family. Photo by AFP/Getty Images.
Elvis Costello (Birth name: Declan MacManus)
Musician Elvis Costello, born Declan MacManus, has gone through plenty of monikers. During early performances he adopted the name DP Costello, a tribute to his father, who performed as Day Costello (Costello was his great-grandmother’s maiden name). A few years later, Costello’s manager decided to change his first name to Elvis, after the legendary musician. About 10 years after that, he decided to go back to his original name, adding Aloysius as a middle name. Finally, he adopted the alias Napoleon Dynamite for his 1986 album, Blood and Chocolate. Photo by Getty Images.
Both George Clooney and Jeff Bridges acted like the Best Actor Oscar they were battling for last Sunday wasn’t a big deal. Bridges tried to appear stoic, but ended up looking smug. So undude. Meanwhile, Clooney acted like he was just there to drink and party. That strategy backfired. By night’s end he resembled a bitter, shitfaced ex-girlfriend. For once, that’s not a good look for you, George. Here’s an out-of-context parody of the night visual evidence that the award was indeed a ginormous effin’ deal for both actors (GIFs via a great Oscars wrap-up at FourFour).
Bridges struggles to act humble…
Clooney does the “whateva” eye roll/clap…
Bridges REALLY struggles to act humble not laugh maniacally…
Clooney: “Well, get your ass up there, Jeff.”
Bridges: “Far out! Eat that you wannabe Cary Grant!”
Oscar-nominated actors are the most dignified members of our species. They play the serious roles that inspire us and hold a special place of reverence in our culture.
But not in Japan. In a country where demoralization is the national pastime, our revered actors, Academy Award nominees and winners both, sell their own dignity for a paycheck because they assume we Americans will never see it.
But thanks to the Internet, we can celebrate their shame any time we want.
#8.
Sean Connery - Biogurt
Sean takes a leisurely drive in the country with his nightmare rabbit puppet friend on route to his country house, which happens to be an enormous carton of yogurt.
It makes sense that they went with Connery, since the product he's pitching here is called "Biogurt," a word that when we say it sounds like the noise you might make if someone asked you what you ate, and you tried to say the word yogurt while at the same time vomiting all over your shoes. Really, their only option was to get the only man who can make any word sound like the world's manliest lion purring in post-coital bliss. Or they could have renamed the product.
As an aside, Connery once worked on a movie with Lana Turner. Her boyfriend, famed tough guy gangster Johnny Stompanato, believed they were having an affair. Johnny stormed onto the set and pointed a gun at Connery, only to have Connery take the gun from Stompanato and twist his wrist until he relented.
Now watch this ad again, and appreciate what a multi-faceted man Sean Connery is.
#7.
Brad Pitt - Edwin Jeans
In America, when we want to sell a product with ass, we just point the camera at the ass. Apparently, the Japanese need to be told to look at said ass.
Here, Brad's giving a marketing lesson to this group of Japanese pedestrians. "Brad Pitt's ass in Edwin Jeans. Do you like?" Brad asks, employing an Italian accent, because half-assed Italian accents are the international language.
"Look at ass!" Brad demands. "Look at famous ass in jeans! Buy jeans!!!"
"Oh," speaks up one Japanese spectator, "you want us to buy that brand of jeans. Fine, perhaps you could tell me about their superior durability."
"Ass in Jeans!" Brad insists.
"Hmm," says another bystander, "are you saying we should buy these jeans because they are a great value, priced well below their competitors?"
"ASS JEANS!"
"He's rubbing his ass," says another. "He must be telling us these jeans are really comfortable too."
"Mamma Mia! ASSSSSSSSSSJEANSSSSSSSSSS!"
The Japanese bystanders all smile, believing this screaming man is dangerous.
#6.
Nicolas Cage- Sankyo
Nicolas Cage does not have an agent.
We're not going to blame the Japanese for the oddity of this ad. We believe this is all Nic Cage; just Cage being Cage. We imagine it went something like this:
Cage: Alright guys, I got this whole thing worked out. We start with me as a cowboy.
Japanese Ad Exec: Excuse me? I am honored you have agreed to endorse our product, but do you even know what product we're selling?
Cage: Hush, you're interrupting my process. So anyway, I'm a cowboy decked out in silk. A real frilly, silky cowboy with the rootin' tootins and all that stuff. Then I come upon some aliens.
Japanese Ad Exec: Aliens?
Cage: Aliens made of balls. And at first I'm all like, "What in tarnation?!" We're gonna fight, right? Intergalactic war. No! Instead we dance. They shake their balls and do their alien shuffle dance and I'm all like, "giddy up!"
Japanese Ad Exec: I'm afraid I don't-
Cage: I know what you're sayin', "Hey, Nicky Cage, all this silky cowboy and alien balls and dancin' sounds real faggy. But that's when we hit 'em with the switcharoo. I totally butch it up at the end by head butting the head ball alien guy, right in the ball!
Japanese Ad Exec: Uh, thank you for your creative input, but we only have one day to shoot and don't have any of those things.
Cage: No worries, I already filmed it.
Japanese Ad Exec: You what?
Cage: (galloping away on a stick horse) Yahoo! Giddy up! Whaoooo!
#5.
Dennis Hopper - Tsumura
Dennis loves rubber duckies and forgot he's not in a David Lynch movie.
We defy anyone to figure out what Dennis is selling in this ad. We think the only thing he's selling is crazy, in which case this is the most perfect alignment of celebrity endorser and product ever. Dennis Hopper guzzles crazy like a Hummer guzzles gasoline; like Amy Winehouse guzzles... well, gasoline.
Dennis tells a fellow, "I want to show you something." (NOTE: If Dennis Hopper ever asks to show you something, do not follow him to a second location). What does Dennis have to reveal? A rubber duckie and a bizarre bath time practice of getting hopped up on inhalants and mercilessly screaming at the duck.
Then he asks the fellow what his favorite beer is. The man answers "Pabst Blue Ribbon" and Dennis just looks at his feet.
#4.
Harrison Ford - Kirin Beer
When you have created two of cinema's most enduring characters in Indiana Jones and Han Solo, what do you do next? If you're Harrison Ford, you brush up on your mime work.
Harrison's just kicking it in a towel with a sweaty Japanese guy, as he is wont to do anytime he's got a free moment. Harrison wonders aloud, and in Japanese, if he could have a Kirin Japanese Lager.
Through the magic of pantomime, his swarthy sauna mate creates a fresh, cold beer out of thin air. So convinced is he with this piece of theatrical wizardry, Harrison reaches out with a "glass" to take part in the imaginary beer.
But even dream beer cannot compete with the superior flavor of Kirin Beer, so the two dash out to replenish their dehydrated selves with refreshing alcohol. Yeah, it's pretty disheartening to see Han Solo pimp beer, but we think it's safe to say we'd rather Harrison did a million more Kirin beer commercials than the last Indiana Jones movie.
#3.
John Travolta - Tokyo Drink
In Japan, John Travolta is a master of karate, jazzercise and headbands.
Travolta belongs to an athletic club made entirely of light where all five members workout rhythmically to the same song over and over about a guy contemplating date rape. When Travolta turns and says the name of the product he is either doing history's twitchiest version of "the snake" dance move, or being attacked from below like the girl at the beginning of Jaws.
We didn't think it was possible, but this commercial is more 80s than the actual 80s.
#2.
Paul Neman - Maxwell Blendy Coffee
Fuck up somebody's birthday? Paul Newman will put his hand over his mouth like he is an audeince member at the Def Comedy Jam. Fear not, he will be struck by an idea so ingenious that it overpowers his entire body. Sadly, his idea turns out to be to drink Japanese instant "Blendy" coffee and repeatedly point at you.
Oh Paul. Poor dearly departed Paul. Did you ever think all those years of building a towering, sterling reputation would be undone by something called a "YouTube?" What's with all the pointing? Is it a cocky Shooter McGavin point? If so, it seems unwarranted. Or is it a threatening Hulk Hogan point, meant to convey that some ass-kicking is going to take place later?
Also, who the hell is he pointing at? Is it shot from the point of view of one of the dinner guests, or is Paul just pointing at some camera that only he can see? Either way, everyone else at the party must be fucking terrified. They could have taken the product pitch out of this ad and presented it as a piece of experimental cinema at Cannes. Film scholars would still be debating these questions today.
#1.
Sylvester Stallone - Ito Ham/Bayern Sausage
Two-time Oscar nominee Sylvester Stallone (what, you forgot Rocky?) materializes in a thick of flowers to invade an innocent family's home and demand pork.
This ad is actually based on an old Japanese proverb:
"One day a man made of beef jerky dressed in white linen will rise from the fields of cornflowers. You will accept him into your house. He will bring a gift. The gift will be ham. You will not refuse his ham gift. He will force you and your family to watch him eat the ham. Do not speak directly to him or your soul will be sucked away to the Land of Wind and Tears. Should you successfully appease this spirit, he will leave a handful of teeth on your bathroom sink." Yeah, Japanese proverbs suck.
But Japanese ham companies would be silly to pay a known star like Sly all that money and not cash in on his famous personas. And really, who better to sell ham than Rambo and Rocky?
When Rambo came back from the war, he brought the war with him. The war for delicious ham! Rambo murders many foreign people. Then he runs down a beach and dreams of ham. In the second half of the spot we catch up with Rocky who, as everybody knows, beats the snot out of people. Now Rocky implores us to enjoy that snot on succulent Ito Ham.
But if you thought Sylvester is a one trick ham pony, you severely underestimate Sly's range. He can sell sausage too.
When Sly goes golfing, he thinks of nothing but waterfalls of sausage. That sound of forking sausage will officially haunt our dreams indefinitely.
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All you art collectors out there. Here is a chance to get a Giclee copy of some of Ian M Sherwin work. Ian is planning on doing a whole series of Marblehead, Massachusetts paintings. His work is amazing.
1. Keira Knightley
2. Rose Byrne
3. Joel Edgerton
4. Marton Csokas
5. Keisha Castle-Hughes
6. Sofia Coppola
7. John Ratzenberger
8. Joe Johnston
9. George Lucas
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