JAPANESE TEAM SIGNS 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL

We suspect that this is the closest that reader George came to masturbating to a pure sports story, and I’m not saying that’s bad. Different strokes for different folks, ya know? But baseball in Japan just got a lot sexier, and by “sexier,” I mean statutorily rape-alicious. From Yahoo! News:

Eri Yoshida was drafted for a new independent league that will launch in April, drawing attention for a side-armed knuckler that her future manager Yoshihiro Nakata said was a marvel.

“I never dreamed of getting drafted,” Yoshida told reporters Monday, a day after she was selected to play for the Kobe 9 Cruise. [...]

Yoshida, 155 centimetres (five feet) tall and weighing 52 kilograms (114 pounds), says she wants to follow in the footsteps of the great Boston Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield.

Yeah, but Tim Wakefield never had his underwear sold in a vending machine. If this league survives, Eri will be the first girl to play baseball alongside men in Japan. And, after that first game, she’ll be the first professional athlete to survive a 15-player subway gang-bang. Get me on the first plane to Japan. I’ve got some knuckleballin’ moose knuckle to puncture.