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Showing posts with label Candy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Candy. Show all posts

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Art and Science of S’mores

Does anyone know where the idea for the s’more came from? How about how it got its name? Did you know that there is an official 3-step process to making them? And where DID all those parts come from, anyway? I bet you want to know. I did. Yes, It’s all here, the classic ingredients, the history, the tips on mallow roasting and fire managing, and even–yes–an explanation of the Russian Matryoshka Mallow doll technique. You too, can be a master of the mallow and czar of sweet, sticky, melty campfire crackers. REI shares its tips and tricks of this delectable, historic treat.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It's National S’mores Day: 16 decadent s'mores recipes & cocktails Continue reading on Examiner.com It's National S’mores Day: 16 decadent s'mores re

From: http://www.examiner.com/

Celebrate National S'mores Day with 16 decadent s'mores recipes & cocktails.
Celebrate National S'mores Day with 16 decadent s'mores recipes & cocktails.
Credits: James Rubio

No matter how you look at it, August 10th is a great day! Not only is today Lazy Day, but it is also National S’mores Day! Just imagine yourself relaxing in the hammock, sipping on a Lazy Day cocktail and munching on one or two decadent s’mores – crisp graham crackers filled with gooey marshmallows and rich chocolate.

While the origins of this annual holiday are unknown, s’mores were probably “invented” by the Campfire Girls decades ago. Gobbled up by both young and old alike, s’mores are tasty treats frequently made at campfires.

Don’t know how to make ‘em? You’re in luck: Whether you use an open fire, toaster oven or microwave, Kraft shows you just how it’s done with these simple step-by-step s'mores directions. If you have a camping trip coming up, have the kids practice making s’mores with this fun game by Hershey’s.

Advertisement

Hershey's S'mores Photo Contest

In honor of National S’mores Day, Hershey’s is asking folks to share their favorite s’mores memories by uploading your favorite s’mores-themed photo and sharing with friends. S’mores-themed prizes include a camera, photo printing gift card, outdoor fire pit, roasting skewers and more. But hurry – the contest ends today.

Give Me S’more S’mores Recipes!

  • Campfire S’mores Recipe – You’ll need graham crackers, chocolate bars and large marshmallows for this simple recipe. Don’t forget skewers or long sticks and a fire!
  • Golden Grahams S’mores – This recipe, from Betty Crocker, calls for Golden Graham cereal, mini marshmallows, chocolate chips, light corn syrup, butter and vanilla.
  • Sure Fire, No Fire S’mores – Paula Deen shares her top-rated recipe that calls for graham crackers, mini marshmallows and Hershey’s Milk Chocolate bars. No fire needed for this one – you’ll need your oven broiler.
  • S’mores Cookies – Fair warning - this recipe looks amazing!
  • Chocolate and Peanut Butter S’mores Recipe – You’ll need peanut butter, thin chocolate wafers and marshmallows.
  • S’more Turtles – You’ll need caramel, honey grahams, chocolate candy kisses, marshmallows and pecans for this recipe from Kraft.
  • Strawberry and Chocolate S’mores – Just add strawberry slices to graham crackers, dark chocolate and roasted marshmallows and you are good to go!
  • S’more Brownies – You’ll need graham crackers, unsweetened chocolate, sugar, eggs, vanilla, flour, mini marshmallows and semi-sweet chocolate chunks for this recipe from Kraft Foods.
  • S'more Brownies – This homemade recipe, from the Food Network, looks fabulous.
  • Cookie S’mores Recipe – The folks at Hershey’s shows you how it's done with this simple downloadable recipe.
  • S'mores Cheesecake Squares – ‘Nuff said!
  • Caramel-Drizzled S’mores – You’ll need peanut butter cookies, bittersweet chocolate, caramel sauce and marshmallows for this one.
  • S’more Cupcakes – This made-from-scratch recipe looks divine and doesn’t require a campfire!
  • S’mores in a Jar Recipe – This recipe is a great gift idea! You’ll need 16-ounce Mason jars, graham crackers, butter, flour, cocoa powder, brown sugar, vanilla extract, milk, heavy cream, baking soda, egg and marshmallows.
  • S'mores Martini - You'll need Toasted Marshmallow Syrup, chocolate vodka and chocolate sauce for this adult drink.
  • Smokin’ S’mores Cocktail – Wow – this adults-only recipe is smokin' HOT! You’ll need Teddy Grahams, Bacardi vanilla, butterscotch schnapps, Bailey’s Irish Cream and Bacardi 151, mini marshmallows, toothpicks, matches and chocolate shot glasses.

Happy National S’mores Day! Enjoy!


Friday, April 22, 2011

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Easter Candy

by chrisilluminati
from http://egotvonline.com/

Candy is probably the only bright spot of Easter. Getting dressed up sucks. Church is a bore. The food is passable. It’s all about the candy; jelly beans, Peeps, fudge and anything that will send a person into a sugar coma.

Here are ten facts you probably didn’t know about Easter candy. Dazzle the family this holiday will all your Easter knowledge because there will be nothing else to do.

  • The first chocolate eggs were made in Europe in the early 19th century and remain among the most popular treats associated with Easter.

  • 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are made for Easter each year.

  • 16 billion jelly beans are made for Easter.

Ronald Reagan eating jelly beans

  • In the old days pretzels were associated with Easter because the twists of the pretzel were thought to resemble arms crossing in prayer.

  • Easter is the second top-selling confectionery holiday behind only Halloween.

  • On October 15, 1999, the world’s largest jar of jelly beans was unveiled. It weighed 6,050 pounds

  • 76 percent of people eat the ears on chocolate bunnies first.

  • According to the Guinness Book of World Records the largest Easter egg ever made was just over 25-ft high and made of chocolate and marshmallow. The egg weighed 8,968 lbs. and was supported by an internal steel frame.

  • The exact origins of the jelly bean are lost in time, and only a part of its history is known. Most experts believe the jelly center is a descendent of a Mid-Eastern confection known as Turkish Delight that dates back to Biblical times.

  • Kids prefer red jelly beans and 75% are willing to do extra chores for more Easter candy.

Source

Thursday, October 28, 2010

World's Largest Gummy Worm Prompts the Expected Jokes



Here's a promo video, which shows all the amazing things you can do with a three-pound gummy worm (though one NSFW!!! possibility is omitted) and makes the expected jokes about the size of a certain part of the male anatomy and how women will react to something that big.**




The worm costs $27.95 and comes in five different dual-flavor combinations, though all five are currently out of stock. Will Gut Check be ordering one for product testing? Oh, yes. There will be gummy worm.

* - That is, proclaimed by the company, not by the worm itself, which presumably can't proclaim anything.

** - To its credit, the gummy worm does appear to be ribbed for her pleasure.

Friday, August 20, 2010

How Jelly Belly Invents Flavors

From: http://www.theatlantic.com/

Greenwood_JellyB_8-13_post.jpg

House of Sims/flickr


In an echoing, high-ceilinged chamber in Northern California, there spin row upon row of what look like small cement mixers. The gleaming metal drums churn for hours on end while white-uniformed technicians pour in sugar, corn starch, color, and certain other, more miraculous concoctions. Out of one drum comes a whiff of red apple, conjuring a fall afternoon spent picking fruit; from another comes the buttered-popcorn scent of an evening at the movies. Out of drum after drum, all down the room, come smells evoking everything from apple pie to piña coladas to freshly mown grass.

Here, at the Jelly Belly candy factory, memories are reincarnated as jelly beans.

Flavor and scent are beloved for their ability to bring back memories long buried in the sensory deluge, a point made by Proust with his madeleine decades before modern science let us peer into the physiology of flavor. The flavor designers at the Jelly Belly Candy Company make it their business to speak this sensory language, and, through a process alternately technical and zany, to suss out exactly what it is that makes those tastes—and by extension, those memories—jump.

"In the flavor industry, we sometimes say one plus one equals three," reflects Lee: mix pear with orange, for example, and what you get is peach.
All Jelly Belly flavors, from toasted marshmallow to cappuccino—there are around 100 on the market at any given point—grow from ideas submitted by company employees, members of the public, retailers, and others, but the execution depends on a four-person team of food scientists, led by head of research and development Ambrose Lee and aided by the company's marketing and executive teams.

The development process begins with a very specific idea. The taste must be instantly recognizable, says Lisa Brasher, a fifth-generation member of the founding family and executive vice chairman of the board. "When you say 'pickle,' do you mean sweet or dill? When you say 'potato chip,' do you mean regular or barbecue? Those are very important questions for us."

Thus, the food scientists and marketers taste-test extensively to find what sort of pickle is most pickle-y, whether Bartlett or D'Anjou screams "pear" loudest, and which specific combination of spices, dairy notes, and pumpkin puree sends you straight back to your grandma's pie. When they began development of the chili mango bean, Elise Bernstein, a food scientist, says, they descended on a local Trader Joe's and spirited bag after bag of the chili-covered fruit to their labs for tasting.

Sourcing inspirational ingredients is a matter of utmost importance in the design of a flavor. In its quest to know the taste of a pomegranate inside and out, the group taste-tested juices and fruit from different regions, climates, and providers. "Pomegranates from different areas taste different. Even the bottles they use [for juice] affect the flavor," Lee says.

Once the team decides exactly which version to mimic, the scientists retreat to their labs. They work to determine what mixture of juices, purees, and any of a huge variety of compounds can best call to mind their target. Sometimes they work backward from a sample of, say, pomegranate juice, which they run through a gas chromatograph and mass spectrometer, a pair of instruments that heat up the fluid and vaporize the juice's molecules one by one. The temperatures at which the molecules break down help the scientists determine what kinds of compounds are in the juice and guide them in constructing a faithful flavor.


MORE ON CANDY:
Corby Kummer: "Reinventing Old Candies"
Jessie Cacciola: "Chocolate Orgasms"
Alex Whitmore: "Searching for Cacao"

With the precision of chemists, they mix batches with slightly different amounts of each component, adding compounds like aldehydes for a fresh green flavor, or esters for a fruity note. Sometimes the effects are not what they expect. "In the flavor industry, we sometimes say one plus one equals three," reflects Lee: mix pear with orange, for example, and what you get is peach. In addition, special compounds must be deployed to make flavors meld with the properties of their "vehicle," as the vessel for the flavor is known. Jelly Belly even has a secret ingredient that suppresses the sweetness of the bean so that savory flavors, like buttered popcorn, can show through.

The most promising permutations are incorporated into small batches of beans for taste-testing. At tasting parties, with the bean in one hand and the real deal in the other, food scientists, marketers, and executives silently rate the fidelity of the flavor. They hold up signs with numbers, and if the overall rating is not an 8, 9, or 10, the flavor doesn't pass on to the next stage of development, Brasher says. The new cocktail flavors were particularly fun to test, she says: "One of the guys in marketing who used to be a bartender made us up some pomegranate cosmos and peach bellinis and mojitos. We tasted the bean versions and tasted the real thing, and tasted the beans—and tasted the real thing again." (The three new flavors were released in June in sleek black boxes announcing, "It's five o'clock somewhere." None contains alcohol.)

Sometimes a flavor must be recalled: Grandma's Pumpkin Pie flavor, for instance, is back in development, because it turns out that nobody's grandma makes pumpkin pie in exactly the same way. Occasionally, the scientists' success overtakes them, as when an experimental four-cheese pizza bean managed to empty a whole mixing room with its noxious smell. But even disasters can redeem themselves: with the release of the company's Beanboozled novelty line, cheese pizza, with a few tweaks, became barf. "They sell like hotcakes," Brasher says.

JBmosaic_inset.jpg

b0jangles/flickr

Even with all his technical skill, Lee acknowledges, he sometimes finds that human taste buds are the most sensitive detectors of flavor: "They can pick up it when something is missing," he says. Intuition and creativity are also integral to his work. The buttered toast flavor was languishing in the lab, with something lacking from that delicious burnt taste, until Lee, on instinct, added a dab of caramel. Even the buttered popcorn flavor (loved by many, hated by many), was the result of his tinkering in the lab with corn, butter, and salt flavors, just to see what he could come up with. It is now one of Jelly Belly's top three flavors.

To those in the business of building flavors, memories of tastes and scents can be especially poignant. Brasher, who grew up eating pomegranates on a family farm, sent early pomegranate beans back to the kitchen because they lacked the distinctive tartness. And she recalls the way the air tastes when it's full of sugar from wandering the factory floor as a small child, watching row upon row of candy corn kernels ride up conveyor belts to be shipped.

For Bernstein, that special memory is of a certain spice cookie she ate as a child when her family lived in Germany: "Whenever I taste those, I go back to that time, when I was eleven or twelve. Cloves, nutmeg, cardamom, ginger ... the amounts of them, the way they're mixed, there's nothing else like it."

Lee, who once made a raw garlic bean by mistake, is ever the maverick: cloves still remind him of youthful dentist office visits. "[When] we were developing a pumpkin spice flavor and added cloves, that rang the dentist office bell for me," he laughs. "I hate that flavor."

It just brings back too many memories.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

What the M’s stand for in “M&Ms”

From: http://www.todayifoundout.com/

M&M

Today I found out what the M’s stand for in “M&Ms”.

In 1941, Forrest Mars Sr., of the Mars candy company, struck a deal with Bruce Murrie, son of famed Hershey president William Murrie, to develop a hard shelled candy with chocolate at the center. Mars needed Hershey’s chocolate because he anticipated there would be a chocolate shortage in the pending war, which turned out to be correct.

As such, the deal gave Murrie a 20% stake in the newly developed M&M; this stake was later bought out by Mars when chocolate rationing ended at the end of the war, in 1948.

The name thus stood for “Mars & Murrie” the co-creators of the candy.

Bonus Factoids:

  • The “M&M” was modeled after a candy Forrest Mars, Sr. encountered while in Spain during the 1930s. During the Spanish civil war there, he observed soldiers eating chocolate pellets with a hard shell of tempered chocolate. This prevented the candies from melting, which was essential when included in soldiers rations as they were.
  • During WWII, production of M&Ms skyrocketed due to the fact that they were sold to the military and included as part of United States’ soldiers rations.
  • The original M&M colors were: red, yellow, brown, green, and violet.
  • M&Ms were served in cardboard tubes when they debuted.
  • The “M” printed on the M&Ms was originally printed black. This was changed to white in 1954.
  • William Murrie, father of Bruce Murrie, was originally hired by Milton Hershey in 1896 as a salesman. In his first week on the job, he managed to over sell the plant’s production capacity. This so impressed owner Milton Hershey, that he tabbed Murrie to be the future President of Hershey; this later happened in 1908, a position he held until retiring in 1947.
  • When William Murrie first took over running Hershey, the annual sales of the company was $600,000. Upon his retirement in 1947, he had grown the company to now have a gross annual sale amount of 120 million dollars; which means, over the span of those 39 years he increased the annual sales rate an average of around 50% per year.
  • In the 1920’s, Murrie tried to convince Hershey that they should produce a chocolate bar with peanuts. Hershey didn’t like the idea, but let him go ahead as long as the bar wasn’t under the Hershey brand name. And so, in 1925, the “Chocolate Sales Corporation”, a fictitious company Murrie came up with, debuted the “Mr. Goodbar”, which was wildly successful.
  • Forrest Mars Sr. not only helped invent the M&M, but also famously invented the Mars bar, which was a “malted milkshake in a candy bar”; he also launched the Uncle Ben’s line of food product.
  • At the time of his death at age 95 in 1999, Forrest Mars, Sr. had grown his father’s company to the point where he now had amassed a fortune for himself of over 4 billion dollars. At that time, he ranked 30th on the list of richest Americans, with his sons Forrest Jr and John ranking 29th and 31st. He left the company to his children who still exclusively own it today (it is not a publicly traded company).

Sources:

Friday, November 20, 2009

12 Delicious Movie Theatre Munchies


POSTED BY Thomas Anderson

Sitting there in the dark of the movie theatre, you feel your stomach grumbling, your taste buds begin to salivate, as the blood and guts or sex and comedy on the screen let your psyche know that it is time, time for that age old tradition that has been part of the movie theatre experience for generations: over-priced concessions food. Forget popping a bag of popcorn at home to smuggle past the usher with the watchful eye when you can just buy a big ol’ tub of artificially flavored, slightly stale buttered popcorn from the same stand, and only for eight dollars!

We here at Screen Junkies know your predilection for high prices and fast living. That’s why we’ve assembled this extensive guide and rated the “food” you can get from most movie theatre concession counters so you won’t have to spend any more dreaded time “thinking” than absolutely necessary.

Food for Lack-of-Thought

6. Pizza

Pros: Very tasty; if overcooked can function well as a Frisbee to toss at an obnoxious movie watcher, hopefully slicing their head off.

Cons: Over priced; costs too much; not enough food; waaaay too much money; did I mention it’s over-priced?

It’s not delivery, or Digiorno, it’s a mini-pizza that theatres everywhere have managed to convince you is worth a good six or seven bucks (maybe more) and is absolutely necessary to munch on in that dark room, even though it’s less than half as small as any “Small” pizza from one of the major chains and the crust occupies more than half of the pizza. Even though the pizza generally tends to be pretty tasty, it’s over in a about three bites, assuring that you’ll wade back out to the stand to purchase some more.

5. Pretzel/Cinnabon Pretzel

Pros: A Cinnabon pretzel actually tastes like a Cinnabon; cardboard regular pretzel can be carried as a concealed weapon.

Cons: When you’re paying $4.50 for a pretzel you expect more care to go into it than clicking one button on a microwave.

What’s more tasty than one of those soft, doughy pretzels that you see rotating in that pretzel display, the ones that practically melt in your mouth with goodness? Why, a frozen pretzel microwaved about a minute and tossed into a tray where its carboardy goodness will fill your mouth with happy! The folks over at Cinnabon also decided that a pretzel by itself was way too healthy for the movies, so they added the Cinnabon pretzel a few years back to squeeze away all the potential health with cinnamon and fat-drenched icing. The price tends to range from moderately ridiculous to extremely ludicrous, so it’s up to you which you go with. (Hint: The Cinnabon pretzel, no question.)

4. Nachos

Pros: A lot of overly salted chips usually come with each order…

Cons: …unfortunately the amount of cheese they give you is usually only enough to suffice for about ten of the fifty chips.

The pretzel’s healthiness got you down? Not to worry, six or seven dollar nachos are right around the corner, delicious corn chips that have sat in the warmer all day and are who-knows-how-many-days old set for your pleasure, with a nice little cup of what looks like melted Velveeta (mmmm!), but which in actuality tastes purely synthetic. (Okay maybe there is no difference.) If you’re lucky the concessionist might even dribble the delicious goop all over your chips, which soften like they’ve been touched by yellow battery acid. Maybe I’m being too harsh here – the combination of the “cheese” and the chips actually cancels out the old artificial taste of both, so for a few seconds during each chip, you actually feel like you’re eating something substantial! Incredible!

3. Hot Dogs

Pros: One of the few items at the concession stand that essentially remains unchanged from its natural gross and delicious unhealthiness.

Cons: One of the few items at the concession stand that essentially remains unchanged from its natural gross and delicious unhealthiness.

Ah-ha! The classic American staple – ground up innards and all the leftover meat rolled into a delicious dong-shaped object that you can insert in your mouth and totally not feel gay about. Theatre hot dogs are probably some of the cheaper foods, and generally they’re pretty good, but it all depends on the theatre. Most theatres cook their hot dogs on these roller-warmers that give them a nice glossy grease-shine, just enough to compliment the healthy (eek!) bun. But there are some theatres that’ll just keep frozen hot dogs in the back and pop ‘em in the microwave for each order. So not only are you paying four or five bucks for a hot dog, you’re getting the added bonus of waiting in anticipation to see if it’ll explode in the microwave! Ah, the theater.

2. Soda/Pop

Pros: You could take a quick bath in your coke if you’re feeling dirty during the movie; if you spill it you’ll probably have enough time to snatch it back up as they take approximately ten minutes to empty.

Cons: If you actually drink the whole thing you’ll probably end up spending more time in the restroom than the actual movie theatre (and that’s not counting the free refills).

For the record, it is called pop, not soda, and I will bitch slap anyone who disagrees with me, but had to put soda in there for political correctness, you understand. When theatres first implemented soda (I mean pop), they took a look at 7-11’s model of creating cups you could do a cannonball in, and laughed heartily at the total lack of vision. Their small tends to be around 32 ounces. To give you an idea, that’s a Nalgene bottle size. Their large is enough to stick a small space station in. But on the plus side, you do get lot more for your money, and you’ll be set for the next month as far pop goes.

1. Popcorn

Pros: Bite sized so you feel like you're eating less; an empty bucket makes a great party hat. A full bucket makes a great place to hide your…hot dog.

Cons: You may have a heart attack on your way out of the theatre; you may have a heart attack on your way to the car; you may have a heart attack on the highway...

Is there really any other item that can stand up to popcorn's towering dominance over any other kind of movie food? Though movie popcorn is essentially styrofoam covered in thick layers of coronary-enhancing butter flavoring, it's the most food for the best price, and most movie joints nowadays give you free refills on some sizes. So you can leave your movie in the middle for more of this artery-clogging goodness. And to top if off, did you know that eating a lot of popcorn over a very long amount of time causes the tiny shells of the seed to rip up your intestines? Hell, get a second refill. You deserve it.

Fine and Dandy Candy

6. M&M’s

Pros: They melt in your mouth, not in the hand you’re trying to feel your girlfriend up with.

Cons: Overpriced for not very much food (like the entire theatre concessions industry).

M&M’s as movie theatre candy don’t entirely fit the bill, for one because a four dollar box of ‘em contains less than a 99 cent king size pouch you can pick up at any convenience store. It doesn’t stop them from being top sellers, as like most candies, they’re bite-size and easy to pop into your mouth without taking your eyes off the glorious display of depraved violence on the screen in front of you.

5. Raisinets

Pros: If you really really want to, I guess you could fool yourself into thinking you’re healthy while you’re eating CHOCOLATE-COVERED RAISINS

Cons: Their shape and texture make them look like mini owl turds; they may melt in your hand (hey, these ain’t M&M’s).

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Raisins have been a healthy little snack for ages, but this being America and the movies, health must be gut-checked at the door and dragged, kicking and screaming, far away where it can be dunked in chocolate and made much tastier and over-priced. And so we have….Raisinets. Little globules of health hidden away beneath a crunchy layer of milky chocolaty goodness that (thank GOD!) overwhelms whatever taste of the dreaded “fruit” there is left.

4. Cookie Dough Bites


Pros: Brings back memories; different shaped and sized pellets make for a surprise every time!

Cons: They only taste slightly like what they’re called; they also look like mini owl turds.

Couldn’t get enough of that raw egg salmonella-laced batter that you used to scarf down at home because it’s much tastier than the actual baked product? Well, concessions stands everywhere have heard your pleas and hence we have Cookie Dough Bites, little chocolate-covered pellets made to taste like that good old batter but which in actuality end up just tasting like little balls of grainy chocolate. Various incarnations of this stuff have been added over the years, like Dark Chocolate, Mint Chocolate (for that special minty fresh chocolate breath), and Peanut Butter Chocolate (hey Reeses did it why not us?). There’s even less food in these than there is in M&M’s, but that nostalgia just keeps winning us over, I guess, and so Cookie Dough Bites are here to stay.

3. Junior Mints


Pros: In the words of Cosmo Kramer, “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint, it’s delicious. It’s very refreshing.”

Cons: You feel sick after eating a whole box.

Who knows why they call them Junior Mints. Maybe the seniors thought they were too cool for the name. (Rim shot!) These little mint balls covered in dark chocolate are some of the tastiest treats to be found at the concession stand, and unlike most of the rest of the candies there’s actually a decent amount of mints to be found in each box. Of course if you’re any kind of decent concessions eater they won’t last you past the previews, but that’s beside the point.

2. Milk Duds

Pros: Nice weight displacement so they’re convenient in case a movie food fight breaks out in the theater; chocolate and caramel, a match made in heaven

Cons: The caramel attaches itself to your teeth like dried cement.

Ah-ha, we come to the eons-old Milk Duds, the movie candy that seems specifically designed for causing cavities. It’s basically just a ball of caramel wrapped in chocolate. It’s not advised that you chew a Milk Dud, as its texture will cling to your teeth like the dickens and dentists have been known to use them to remove teeth without anesthesia. Lately it seems the boxes are smaller than they used to be, because clearly ushers were tired of cleaning up all the teeth littering the floor of the theatres, but there’s still a decent amount in each box, and they take longer to eat than other items on this list.

1. Sour Patch Kids/Watermelon/Connectors

Pros: Being chewy makes ‘em last longer; one of the few candies that have different flavors throughout the whole box

Cons: None of the flavors taste like what they actually are. If you have open sores in your mouth it stings though. Not saying I have open sores in my mouth…

It’s clear why the Sour Patch Kids have topped movie concessions sales for years. When you can’t go and strangle that little screaming baby that his idiotic mother brought to Saw VI (who knew little babies would find blood and guts literally flying everywhere traumatizing???), there’s nothing more satisfying than biting into a sour little gummy candy and picturing that you’re biting off the kid’s head. (HA! Let’s seem him scream WITHOUT a head!) They’ve added variations on the formula over the years, like the Watermelon candies, because there’s nothing consumers like more than candies that taste nothing like the food they’re named after, and eating an entire bag of them. Although, Sour Patch’s popularity may just have to do with the fact that they’re fruit-flavored, so you can pretend like you’re eating healthier. Ah, America. Land of the Fat, Home of the Self-Deluded. But self-delusion is what movies are for, though, right? God bless America.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

M&M's Valentine's Day "Cupid's Mix" Is 10% Lighter Than Regular M&M Packs

Do you want to lose weight for Valentine's Day? Then M&M's special Valentine's Day Cupid's Mix is just for you! Since they're 10% lighter than M&M's usual holiday pack, they'll help you lose money too. More proof that M&M's Cupid traded in his arrow for the Grocery Shrink Ray after the jump...

Tipster Lee writes:

I probably buy too many M&Ms. I often buy the medium-sized bags when they're on sale (for $1.99 or less per bag). Perhaps I could get them cheaper if I bought larger bags from Costco, but it's more convenient if I buy them from one of the numerous drugstores I frequent in my neighborhood.

For quite a while now the medium-sized bags have been 14 oz. Yesterday I picked up a few bags of the Valentine Day theme M&Ms and I immediately knew that something was amiss. The bags seemed lighter. Indeed, the weight was listed as 12.60oz, which happens to be exactly 10% less than 14oz.

I suppose they could claim that only the Valentine M&Ms are like this, but previous "special" themes have always been 14oz (i.e. the Halloween and Autumn Mix bags shown below.) And at the store I was at, both the regular Medium bags (which are still 14oz) and the vday bags had the same "regular" price of $3.79, making people believe that they are basically the same amount of product. I believe that they're testing the shrink ray waters and will eventually shrink the standard Medium-sized bags (and possibly also the Small and Larger bags).

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Nine of the best candies of all time

Now that Halloween's over, it's time to empty out your goodie bag!Everyone’s got the candy of their generation, their neighborhood, and their tastes. What sugary delights sent young minds to greats heights when you were a kid? Well, let’s share. Here are some highlights from fourth grade:

Sizzles and pops

9. Lotsa Fizz. Also known by its more convenient nickname ‘Fizz’, these candies masqueraded as a regular ol’ hard candy, the kind you might find in a doctor’s office or a crystal dish in your grandma’s front foyer. Other than the snake-like packaging, linking individually-wrapped pieces together, there appeared to be nothing special about them. However, once you crunched into them, they released a tingly, carbonated bubble-liquid that sizzled and frothed on the tongue. A real advancement in the candy surprise effect. Good for a year or so

8. Massive, fist-sized Jawbreakers aka Dinosour Eggs. The big question here was who could fit these in all the way? Occasionally, a local big mouth would manage to squeeze it up in there, and then proceed to nearly suffocate while trying to simultaneously breathe and speed-suck the jawbreaker down to a smaller size with drool flying everywhere. It wasn’t pretty. You were actually watching them OD right in front of you. Of course, others would simply leave the giant jawbreaker on their night table and have a few licks before bedtime, spending a year or so patiently turning the smooth sphere it into a faded, rubbed-out rainbow of dried spit and sugar. Whatever you think about these things, they definitely came out on top of the Total Candy Minutes Per Dollar ranking.

7. Pez. Was it just me, or did Pez have a kind of weird taste? Don’t get me wrong — the dispenser alone was enough for some great memories, despite some questionable versions over the years.

Sour balls

6. Tear Jerkers aka Sour Balls. At the time, Tear Jerkers were a futuristic advancement in Artificial Souring Technology. They caused a massive sugar high epidemic at my grade school, with kids running over to the variety store at lunch to grab a new bag, daring each other to eat two or three at a time. The gum that remained after the sour powder was gone was always a wet, syrupy disappointment, and usually ended up in the trash to make more room in your mouth. But that sour powder packed a punch and it often left the insides of your cheeks all inflammed and torn up for the rest of the week. And of course, there was always the big question: who has the guts to eat the leftover patch of sour powder in the corner of the bag?

Don't break the stick!

5. Fun Dip aka Lik-M-Aid. Fun Dip was an entirely new way to eat your candy: Lick an edible candy stick and then use your own spit as glue to collect all the sugar-powder below. Well, it was a great long-lasting treat, as long as your stick didn’t come broken when you bought it. If that happened, you had to dive in with your wet finger instead. But you had to be careful, because it was that mark of the stained, purple finger that gave away why you weren’t hungry at dinner time. A lot of people would finish off by eating the actual stick itself for good measure which is sort of like eating your fork after finishing your pie.

4. Hot and Cold Nerds. Nerds was always a decent backup selection — it filled up the candy bag but was rarely the first pick. Sure, that little box of tiny, hard, asteroid-shaped candy offered two flavors in one box, but there was nothing too special about picking up Watermelon and Grape or Strawberry and Lemon. That is, until Nerds came out with the temperature-themed Hot and Cold Nerds box in the late 80s. Sure, maybe it was just bright, red cinnamon and bright, blue wintergreen, but it sure was fun alternatingly burning and freezing sensations in your mouth. Of course, there were always two kinds of Nerds kids — the slow, tantric, shake-it-in-your-hands-and-savor-it kids, and the minute men who instead preferred the all-in-one-go, head-tilt, box-shake manouver.

3. Bizarre Forms of Gum. Remember the glory days where gum came in so many different forms? There was baseball card gum, shattering and cutting the inside of your mouth like glass when you bit into it. There was Big League Chew, the shredded chewing tobacco gum. And of course there were Bubble Jugs, Bubble Tape, and even Bubble Gum Squeeze Tubes, which you pushed into your mouth like toothpaste, though with the exact opposite effect.

2. Pixy Stix. I always admired the straight-shooting style of Pixy Stix. Unlike the other candies, they didn’t dress up and pretend to be anything besides sugar. They were the real deal, straight up, just sugar in a straw. You want something gummy, sticky, sour, or chewy? Try the other guys. Now, if you want plain sugar, you’ve come to the right place. Available in regular size and occasionaly a Super Jumbo Straw version. Just be careful you don’t get dry-throat and gag on it when your brother pours a strawful down your throat.

Good luck kicking the habit

1. Popeye Cigarettes. These ones were the real deal, before they took off the red tip at the end and rebranded them as ‘Popeye’s Candy Sticks.’ Yes, after a dark, moody stint with the patch, Popeye managed to finally kick the habit. But good thing, or he probably wouldn’t be with us today.

Yes, finding and chowing down on some of the candies you grew up with is like sucking on sugary memories. Because how did it feel walking out of your local corner store with a wide smile pasted across your face, an empty wallet, and an armful full of candy?

I think we all know the answer to that.

AWESOME!

Gateway drug to shotgunning a beer

Friday, October 31, 2008

5 Candies You Hated Getting Every Halloween

Every Halloween the youngsters' thoughts turn to candy. And minor acts of vandalism. But mostly candy.

But there was always a downside to trick or treating, and not just the juvenile diabetes that kicked in a few years later. We're talking about the barely edible candies that got handed out every year, products that thrived at Halloween because it was the one time when the person who bought it wouldn't have to actually eat it.

We're talking about...

#5.
Wax Candy

The Main Offenders:

Wax Lips, Wax Fangs

The Good:

Everyone remembers wax lips, and to a lesser extent, wax fangs. They were bright red, shiny and, technically, edible. Like a poor man's collagen, these oily enhancers were the closest many children would ever come to a somewhat presentable face.

The Bad:

It's admirable that the manufacturers didn't attempt to disguise the product with a misleading name or fancy packaging. They came right out and told you, "That's a candle in your mouth, dipshit."

Not to mention the fact that to keep the lips and fangs attached to your face, you were required to bite down (ever so gently) on an extra piece of wax protruding from the inside of the "lips," making speech unintelligible on top of everything else.

Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:

This was pretty safe by itself, if you didn't mind shitting a turd-shaped candle the next day. Of course if you were smart enough to abstain from actually eating it, you and your friends probably still wound up passing it from mouth to mouth, spreading colds and maybe even a case of Measles. Or herpes, depending on the crowd you ran with.

We must also consider the danger of being physically attacked by someone else due to the candy. Since it prominently displays itself in the dead-center of your face at all times, you couldn't really hide the fact that you were eating something retarded. Like, say, a mouth-shaped candle.

On the plus side, the wax candy doubles as a mouth guard, which you most likely needed.

#4.
Candy Jewelry

The Main Offenders:

Candy necklaces, Ring Pops

The Good:

It's tasty! It's fashionable! It will gain you the respect of your peers, catch the eye of that boy you've been after, and give you a delicious reprieve from the sheer torture that is your adolescence. It's the best of both worlds!

The Bad:

The whole edible clothing/accessory thing is really better in theory than practice. Like those novelty edible panties, you don't put them back on after they're partially eaten.

Not so with the candy necklace, which the little girl (or effeminate boy, we suppose) was sure to put in their mouth, then around their neck, then around their wrist, then on their friend's wrist, then in their friend's mouth. It'd be disgusting even if the candy didn't taste like chalk.


Disease-ridden shit machine.

The Ring Pop is no better, the whole point is to suck on the thing while it's still on your finger. Soon you wound up wearing a sticky glove of red saliva.

Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:

Take all of the disease concerns we had about the wax candy and double it, since you've basically got a kid sporting a ring of loogies around his or her neck. Also, Ring Pops always scratched the shit out your finger.

#3.
Tobacco-Themed Candy

The Main Offenders:

Candy Cigarettes, Bubble Gum Cigars, Big League Chew

The Good:

Look at you, all grown up! Pretending to use tobacco and emulate the beautiful people like Marilyn Monroe, Pierce Brosnan, and Popeye.

The world has long since pussied-out on the whole "candy carcinogen" thing, but many of us still have fond memories of these from our childhoods. Until we started smoking for real at the age of 12.

The Bad:

Yes you think you look cool, but in reality you're just another poser, kid. That may sound harsh, but if you really thought chewing on the end of a bubble gum cigar would earn you the respect of your friends and strike fear into the hearts of your enemies a la Tony Soprano, you were in for one of those brutal lessons about growing up.


And it kind of looks like a dick.

Not to mention that once again the candy makers, confident that the fun shape would carry sales, didn't bother to inject any kind of flavor into any of these. We said the candy necklaces tasted like chalk? We're not completely sure that candy cigarettes weren't actual sticks of chalk.

Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:

Big League Chew and gum cigars were just shaped bubble gum, no harm there. But as for the candy cigarettes ... you know you tried to light that shit.



#2.
Excessively Chewy Candy

The Main Offenders:

Now and Laters, Good n Fruity, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Salt Water Taffy

The Good:

Chewy candy has only one up-side: it lasts a long time.

The Bad:

It lasts a long fucking time! There's a limit to how long candy should be in your mouth, and that's four minutes. With the exception of chewing gum, no candy should force its flavor upon the user a moment longer.

Plus this stuff can glue your teeth together with the strength of some kind of dental adhesive. The whole tedious, laborious task was way more work than eating a piece of candy should require. Maybe that would be fine if it was the only candy you had and you needed to stretch out the experience. But during the post-Halloween binge, it only delayed the eating of more candy.

Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:

Attempt to find someone who's ever managed consume a Now and Later in less than 20 minutes. You won't, because they choked and died.


Why do people keep buying this?

The upside is if some bully tried to take your candy, you could always bet him $10 that he couldn't eat one of your Now and Laters in less than 20 minutes.

#1.
All Novelty Pseudo-Candy

The Main Offenders:

Candy Buttons on Paper Tape, Fun Dip, Pixy Stix

The Good:

"Novelty" candy is known as such because it's cute and original... for a limited time. Its novelty packaging and novelty consumption methods make it, well, a novelty. And some kids are really, really easily amused.

The Bad:

The amusement however doesn't make this shitty candy taste any better. The "novelty" of this candy wears off about 10 seconds after you pull it out of your little plastic pumpkin. The disappointment, however lasts a lifetime. So does the shame that comes from eating the a row of candy buttons directly off the paper, feeding it into your mouth like your head was a fax machine.

Likelihood of Being Physically Injured by the Candy:

Every candy buttons customer has felt the sting of paper cuts on the corners of their lips. They should have a warning label about that but they know we wouldn't listen. Also, which of us didn't at least once try to snort some Pixy Stix or the powder part of Fun Dip?

Okay, maybe not all of us. Oh, also, don't make our mistake and look up "Fun Dip" on Urban Dictionary.

Trust us. Don't.