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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The 60 Greatest Contributions 'South Park' Has Made To The English Language

by Emma Jones

There are some things in life that school, parents or The Discovery Channel just can't teach us. Sure, if you're ever on "Jeopardy!" then it may be useful to know the capital of Kyrgyzstan or the author of "War and Peace," but for everything else, there can only be one reliable authoritah: "South Park."

Over the last 14 years, "South Park" has bridged the educational gap and raised awareness of some of the more taboo but important issues in society. Now in its 15th season (it premieres tomorrow!), the show has not only broadened our minds, but also our vocabulary. Just take a look at some of the words "South Park" has added to our vocabulary...

Artard: Complete moron, absolute idiot.

Authoritah: Authority that must be respected.

Baking Brownies
: Farting; more specifically, the occasional wet fart that leaves a brown stain on underwear.

Boneration: Alternative word for male erection.

Bono: A man who, no matter how many good things he does, comes acress as a huge piece of crap. This is because he actually is crap.

Bunshole: An alternative word to a**hole, invented by Mr. Mackey.

Buttfor: For pooping; i.e., "What's a Buttfor?"

Cancer Kazoo: An electrolarynx, akin to a megaphone, only it is held to a hole in the throat after the larynx is removed due to disease.

Cheesing: Getting high off cat pee.

Chinpokomon: Japanese toy franchise. All must be collected.

Couric: A unit of measure for fecal matter. One Katie Couric is equal to approximately two and a half pounds of excrement.

Crunchy/Crunchy Groove: A super sweet dig or song.

Day Walkers: Not fully Ginger (see Gingers). Characterized by red hair, but do not have freckles or light skin pigment.

Durkadur! (or similar): Southern "hick" word that is expressed with showing/supporting a certain subject.

Fag: Obnoxious Harley riders

Fingerbang: To masturbate a woman with a finger.

Fish Sticks: Of which liking means you are a gay fish. Enjoyed by Kanye West.

Flippity-floppity-hotchy-mama: A woman who nobody can take her place, no way they can match her face, no. She got it goin' on in a way so clear, you just wanna buy her a beer.

Fudge Dragon: A turd.

Gaylord: A super gay person (or, literally, a lord of the gays).

Gingers: Characterized by pale skin, red hair and freckles.

Goobacks: Humans from the year 3045 that time travel to seek work.

Green Apple Splatters: Acute diarrhea of an explosive nature.

Hot Carl: The sexual act of crapping on your partner's face.

Imaginationland: The land where all the beings created by human imagination reside. Accessible only by singing "The Imagination Song."

Jackovasaurus: A rare prehistoric humanoid duck.

Jewbilee: A Boy Scout-esque camp for Jewish boys.

Krocsyldiphithic: Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality. Krocsyldiphithic is a hard word to spell.

Left the Oven On: Left something unfinished.

Let the Twins Out: Expose the female breasts.

Lestastic: Something fantastic to lesbians.

Lid: An ounce (typically, of marijuana).

Little Man in the Boat: Clitoris.

Limey: Limejuicer--a British sailor. So called because lime juice was used to treat scurvy among the sailors.

Manbearpig: A scary monster that is half man, half bear and half pig.

Marklar: An alien race. Also used a substitute for a noun in Marklar language.

Meecrob: Something that is worse than poo. Generally referring to food.

Melvin: A worthless member of society; someone who spends most of their time whining, pitying themselves and sucking at life.

Molestering: Accusation of which is a good way of getting rid of parents for a while.

Mud Monkey: A dookie in the urinal.

Muff Cabbage: Female genitalia. Believed to derive from Jersey Shore's "muff garbage."

Mung: The stuff that comes out when you push down on a pregnant woman's stomach.

Negroplasty: Surgery to make yourself black.

Poonanner: Female genitalia.

Poontang: See Poonanner. Can also be used as a derogatory name for a female.

Red Rocket: A canine erection usually obtained through milking.

Ritalout/Rittleout: Ritalin antidote.

Roshambo: Method of dispute resolution. You kick each other in the nuts until only one person remains standing; that person wins.

Sand in Your Vagina: To have your panties in a bunch, be pissy, hold a grudge.

Science Damn It!: An interjection used to express anger, annoyance, disgust or dismay. More acceptable than "God Damn It!" within a secular crowd.

Scissoring: A sexual position practised between two women.

Skylarkings: Flights of fancy, tomfooleries, foolish behavior.

Smoosh Smoosh!: Sex as desired by the creature Snooki.

Smug: A destructive cloud formed from smugness.

Snuke: A nuclear device hidden within a vagina.

Sock Bath: To rub somebody down (who is dry) with bars of soap, before "drying" them off with multiple socks.

Succubus: A woman sent from Hell to suck the life out of a man. Plural: Succubi.

Super Best Friends: A superhero organization composed of the leading figures of all the world's leading religions.

Tits!: A positive exclamation for great, groovy, cool, rad, etc.

Torsonic Polarity Symdrome: A genetic condition that causes humans to be born with a set of buttocks over their facial organs.

Visitors: Extraterrestrials. Those who make frequent visits to this planet for some reason or another.

Weak: A negative exclamation for bogus, unfortunate, too bad etc. Opposite of "Tits!"