Zazzle Shop

Screen printing

Friday, March 26, 2010

11 Old School WWF Wrestlers With the Worst Side Jobs


Over the weekend, I found myself browsing deep in the annals of Hulu, and there, I came upon a channel called WWE Classics. It's got a few hundred clips of old matches... many of which are from the late '80s and early '90s, when pro wrestling was my bona fide obsession.

Back then, the WWE was the WWF. (I know the World Wildlife Fund somehow strong armed them into changing the initials... but that still ranks up there as one of the stupidest name changes in history. Right next to Football Bowl Subdivision, Chad Ochocinco, and Two Guys and a Girl with no pizza place.)

Over the same weekend, in a completely unrelated event, I also found my way onto the Bureau of Labor Statistics website, looking at salary data for hundreds of jobs. That's what I do on my weekends. Watch old wrestling clips and look at data. It's a modern miracle I have a girlfriend.

I decided to combine those two web stumblings into one list and do an homage to the WWF of my formative years. In that era, WWF overlord Vince McMahon had a penchant for giving wrestlers gimmicks where they had other side jobs outside of wrestling. He's outgrown that now... it took about two decades too long, but he finally realized that fans aren't more likely to cheer, boo, or buy tickets to see someone just because he's billed as a wrestlin' plumber.

Here are the 11 old school WWF wrestlers who have the lowest-paying side jobs, based on the most recent data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

  1. Koko B. Ware - nonfarm animal caretaker ($21,500/year) - Koko wrestled in the era before black guys finally broke through the WWF's upper card glass ceiling. (Even now, when they do, it's a tenuous situation at best. Wrestling is right up there with scone baking as a mostly honkified business.)

    Koko's gimmick was The Birdman... he would bring his parrot, Frankie, to the ring with him. I chose him as the representative for the nonfarm animal caretaker because Jake "The Snake" Roberts was eventually less defined by his snake wrangling and more by his psychological warfare (and debilitating alcohol and drug addiction). Plus, if Jake was a real caretaker, he would've found a way to stop the Earthquake from repeatedly crushing his snake Damien with butt splashes.

  2. Hillbilly Jim, Henry O. Godwinn and Phinneas I. Godwinn - farmworkers, farm and ranch animals ($22,920) - Hillbilly Jim was popular in the mid '80s. He was brought back in the mid '90s to try to make the fans like two obese wrestlers whose names acronymed down to HOG and PIG. Clever acronyms were never Vince McMahon's strong suit. (Besides HOG, PIG and the aforementioned WWE, he also had the XFL -- where the X stood for NOTHING, not Xtreme.)

  3. Paul Bearer - funeral attendant ($23,270) - The Undertaker actually makes a much better living from his side job, more than $58,000. Paul Bearer's lower-level position isn't quite as lucrative. Although he does hold in his hands an all-powerful urn, so that might let him charge rates a little bit above the mean.

  4. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake - barber ($26,610) - I always understood that, because he was a barber, he had the tattered clothes. I could even kinda justify the brightly-colored fishnet gloves. But I could never quite figure out the purpose behind the bowtie. Maybe, since this side job is so low paying, he had to take an additional side job as a Chippendale? Or a bowtie model? Token for the Nation of Islam?

  5. "The Model" Rick Martel - models ($30,160) - The average model pulls in $30,000 -- but I assume that's for, like, posing with a bottle of Castrol at an auto industry trade show. Once Rick Martel debuted his fragrance Arrogance he had to be making BANK. Just like other famous fragrance makers like Coco Chanel or Christian Dior or Frederick Coolwater.

  6. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese - refuse and recyclable material collectors ($32,790) - I would say this was one of Vince McMahon's worst gimmick ideas ever -- I mean, how successful can a wrestling garbageman ever be? -- but the gimmick was actually Droese's idea. What I can blame on McMahon: Having the ring announcer say that Droese hailed from "Mount Trashmore, Florida."

    Unless that's an homage to Mount Splashmore from "The Simpsons" (which I am almost positive it's not), the concept of Mount Trashmore makes Parts Unknown seem grounded in reality.

    [Edited 3/23 at 10:15 AM: Turns out there actually is a landfill in Florida that's referred to as Mount Trashmore. Kind of invalidates that rant. Oh well.]

  7. The Bodydonnas: Skip and Sunny - fitness trainers and aerobics instructors ($34,310) - Many wrestlers have found heel success by coming out and insulting the general fitness level of the crowd. Ravishing Rick Rude was so good at it that we looked forward to it; as a boy, I remember going nuts when I was at the Richfield Coliseum and he called us all "fat, out-of-shape, Cleveland couch potatoes."

    The Bodydonnas tried that but, without having even one-two-thousandth the charisma of Rick Rude, any reaction was nothing more than a Pavlovian trigger based on hearing the name of the city. Skip was definitely more suited for his low-paying side job than for wrestling... at least the theatrical elements of wrestling.

    Sunny, at least, ushered in the WWF's era of fake-breasted blonds... an era that, from what I can tell, has exploded today to the point where it's actually impossible to keep track of all the fake-breasted blond women the WWE has on the payroll.

  8. Coach - coaches and scouts ($35,580) - This guy was Mr. Perfect's manager for a while in the early '90s. He would blow his whistle for almost the entire match. It's not as annoying as it sounds -- it was actually far, far, far more annoying.

  9. Tugboat - sailors ($35,880) - It was never clear if this guy was on a tugboat or if, because of his size, we were to believe that he might actually BE a tugboat. I'm going with option A because of the cringe-inducing lil' sailor's hat he's got on.

  10. Doink the Clown - entertainers and performers, misc ($35,820) - During my wrestling phase, I often found myself in the position of defending pro wrestling to the traditional dissenters. Things like "evil clowns who wrestle" made my position exponentially more difficult to defend.

  11. Big Boss Man - corrections officers and jailers ($41,340) - With that fairly reasonable side salary he shouldn't be on this list. And he wouldn't be if the Bureau of Labor Statistics tracked the annual salary of vikings... if Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart was actually an iron worker... or if I'd decided to count Val Venis under the occupation "pipelayer."


Unknown November 8, 2015 at 9:53 PM  

beats by dr dre
michael kors outlet store
ralph lauren sale
uggs outlet
nike shoes
air jordan 11 free shipping
uggs outlet
michael kors handbags wholesale
black friday
oakland raiders
nba jerseys wholesale
ysl outlet online
oakley sunglasses cheap
coach outlet online
nike free
cheap oakley sunglasses
air jordan shoes
ugg outlet store
links of london uk
moncler coats
ugg boots on sale
ugg boots
bottega veneta outlet online
marc jacobs outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
rolex watches,swiss watch,replica watches,rolex watches for sale,replica watches uk,rolex watches replica,rolex watches for sales
hollister shirts
michael kors outlet sale
lacoste polo
ugg clearance
instyler ionic styler,instyler,instyler ionic styler pro
lebron 12

chenlina February 24, 2016 at 3:03 AM  

hollister shirts
true religion jeans
christian louboutin outlet
true religion jeans outlet
cheap ugg boots
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton handbags
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
louis vuitton outlet stores
canada goose outlet
coach factory outlet online
louis vuitton outlet
abercrombie & fitch
giuseppe zanotti
swarovski outlet
louis vuitton handbags
fitflops sale clearance
cheap jerseys
louis vuitton outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
air force 1
ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
kobe 10
oakley sunglasses
gucci outlet
cheap jordans
mihchael kors outlet online
lebron shoes
burberry outlet
mont blanc legend
ray bans
the north face
oakley sunglasses
polo ralph lauren
jordan concords
louis vuitton handbags
ray ban sunglasses
louis vuitton

Unknown September 8, 2016 at 5:56 AM  

coach outlet
ugg outlet
cheap uggs
adidas nmd runner
michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses sale
ed hardy clothing
burberry outlet
tory burch outlet
swarovski crystal
oakley sunglasses wholesale
coach outlet online
hollister clothing store
ugg boots sale
longchamp bag
herve leger outlet
abercrombie outlet
canada goose sale
cazal sunglasses
michael kors outlet online
mcm outlet
mulberry outlet
longchamp solde
ugg boots sale
christian louboutin outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
mulberry handbags
michael kors handbags
jordan pas cher
lululemon outlet
michael kors handbags clearance
canada goose outlet
louis vuitton outlet
adidas wings

Unknown June 27, 2017 at 4:15 AM  

air max
lacoste online shop
yeezy boost 350
stephen curry shoes
yeezy boost
nike dunks
michael kors outlet online
ferragamo belts
michael kors outlet online
pandora jewelry

Unknown June 29, 2017 at 4:02 AM  

vans shoes
true religion jeans
mcm bags
michael kors taschen
ralph lauren shirts
hermes outlet
le coq sportif
air jordan shoes
vans store
christian louboutin sale

spencermeyer July 22, 2017 at 4:02 AM  

There is no shifting of the rest surface area, and definitely no warm loss where the interface Check This Out would certainly have been.The Best Blenders For Smoothies of June - 2017 As well as keep in mind.

nancycongdon September 4, 2017 at 2:17 AM  

collection of functions that will leave you gasping for air. official source The device is made up of lead-free brass building best kitchen faucet - jen reviews that executes along with it examines years of use. Kitchen Faucet 2017 This unit makes use of the classic solitary bar design, Best Kitchen Faucet offering you easy as well as complete control of water flow.

Unknown April 13, 2018 at 11:22 PM  

canada goose jackets
polo pas cher
polo ralph lauren shirts
canada goose jackets
oakley sunglasses wholesale
true religion jeans
polo ralph lauren
adidas store
nike air max 2017
ugg boots on sale

jjjjjjjjjjjjj April 25, 2018 at 9:37 PM  

jordan 4
cheap oakley sunglasses
crazy explosive
nike air force 1
nike air huarache
yeezy shoes
golden goose
hogan outlet online

Coqicoqi February 16, 2019 at 9:59 PM  

Pandora Charms Outlet
Jordan 4
Yeezy boost
Pandora Jewelry
Jordan 4
Kyrie Irving Shoes
Red Bottom Shoes
Air Max 270
Pandora Jewelry Official Site

Bilibili March 23, 2019 at 6:22 AM  

Red Bottom Shoes
Pandora Official Site
Pandora Jewelry Outlet
Pandora Charms
Yeezy boost 350 v2
Jordan 4
Nike Air Max 270
Jordans 11
Pandora Jewelry
Pandora Jewelry

yanmaneee April 6, 2019 at 11:04 PM  

air max 95
yeezy boost
michael kors outlet
yeezy boost 350
nike air force 1
fila shoes
yeezy boost 350
lebron 16 shoes
curry 6