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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Whale Penis Leather Option Dumped by Russian Luxury Armored Car Company

by Michael Graham Richard, Ottawa, Canada

Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond photo
Photo: Dartz

A New Kind of Penis Car For Billionaire Oligarchs with No Taste
Some companies specialize in excess. Nobody really needs a Rolls Royce, but some people feel a need for exclusivity. Other companies go ever further and attempt excessive excess, like Dartz with its Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armoured car (price tag: £1 million, or $1.65 million). It comes with tons of bling, such as ridiculously hyper-expensive vodka in a flask made out of pure gold, gold-plated windows, pure tungsten exhausts, and diamond-encrusted white gold speed gauges. Totally ridiculous, but I guess if you're some billionaire oligarch with no taste, it can work. Dartz seems to have gone a bit too far with the seats, though: They wanted to make them from whale penis leather (apparently it's very soft), and this drew protest from many environmental groups.

whale what

I suppose it's more about the principle than anything else. How many of these monstrosities will Dartz really make? Still, one is too many if a whale has to die just so rich people can sit on marginally softer seats.

After getting lots of angry emails from Greenpeace, the WWF, and PETA's Pamela Anderson, the company decided to drop the whale penis leather seats option. Their press release is quite something (and seems very unprofessional for a company that wants you to pay an insane amount of cash for its products).

Be sure not to miss the shout out to whales at the end

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. [...] All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON' (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that's why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: "Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don't Earth fall down to Ocean!

Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond photo
Photo: Daily Mail

Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond photo
Photo: Daily Mail

In the end, Dartz is probably happy about all this. It's great publicity for their product, and they won't have to find a supplier that carries whale penises.

Trivia: This is the same company that built armored vehicles for Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, and Tsar Nicolas.

Via Wired, Daily Mail


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