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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Top Five Caffeinated Things That Actually Shouldn't Be

In a perfect world you could reach for something as accessible as your lip balm and still feel the sweet, sweet rush of the bitter, white crystalline xanthine alkaloid, otherwise known as caffeine.

Well, you may not be asleep right now, but that perfect world is closer than you think, because caffeinated lip balm is a product that actually exists as strange as that may seem. Other unlikely caffeinated contenders:

5. Sunflower seeds


So you're in the dugout. And it's the bottom of the ninth and zzzzzz ... Not a problem if you've got these bad boys.

4. Cookies


You're familiar with pot brownies no? Well welcome to caffeinated cookies. Pass them out at your next meeting and laugh as people become more and more, eh hem, alert.

3. The "Wake-Up" Bloody Mary


We discovered this at our neighborhood brunch place and found out it came from something called the "Pure Genius Caffeinated Bloody Mary Mix." Mixing uppers with downers doesn't sound too genius to us.

2. Lip-balm

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Almost as weird a phenomenon as bacon-flavored lip balm. We're wondering: Is it you looking for the "pick-me-up" or the person you're locking lips with? See also caffeinated breathspray.

1. Water

If you're already drinking coffee like it's water, why not drink water, like it's well, water.


Go ahead, indulge; sleep is for the weak.