Whale-Sized Marshmallows Deployed to Thwart Japanese Whalers

Written by Jerry James Stone

Just Born — the makers of Marshmallow Peeps — says they’ll be producing whale-shaped, and whale-sized, Marshmallow Peeps in an effort to end Japanese whaling.

The Peep-maker said the joint effort is between Darryl Hannah, The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society and Greenpeace, and that they are uniting under the moniker PEEP: People for Everything and Everyone on the Planet.

PEEP will be using the marshmallow whale Peeps as decoys, hopefully tricking Japanese whalers into harpooning those instead of cute and cuddly whales. If successful, PEEP will look into other decoy opportunities. Baby seal Peeps are under strong consideration, especially with Canada’s seal hunt underway.

PEEP is Darryl Hannah’s brainchild.

Each Easter, Hannah and fellow gal-pal Drew Barrymore get together for a ritual Spring Cleaning. The tradition involves naming and nuking [microwaving] Marshmallow Peeps until they explode. The Peeps usually don names of prominent conservatives and members of the GOP. Last year when the Rush Limbaugh Peep kept getting bigger and fatter, and just wouldn’t die…Hannah had an idea.

The former mermaid had this to say, “Last Easter, after the Rush Limbaugh Peep broke Drew’s microwave, we joked…what if we covertly replaced prominent members of the GOP with Marshmallow Peeps. Like a McCain McPeep? So we actually tried making a few, but it just didn’t work out.”

“At first we tried making a Karl Rove Peep, but the mold kept turning out like that Emperor guy from Star Wars [the originals, not those crappy sequels],” she laughed. “The GOPeeps just weren’t working, it was really hard to get them right, and someone kept eating the Sarah Palin one!”

She said it was her work on Splash that gave her the idea of whale Peeps.

One obstacle, and the reason it took a year to develop the whale-sized Peeps, is that Peeps aren’t veggie friendly. “We wanted Greenpeace on our side.” Hannah said. “The last thing you wanna do is piss off a bunch of vegans from Greenpeace,” she warned.

Captain Paul Watson, founder of the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, said, “We will start deploying the whale Peeps when the ship leaves port next.” This is expected to happen sometime in June.

The whale Peeps will come in three flavors: pink, yellow and krill.

Source: Just Born, Inc.