Shave the Date: No Bush Left Behind

By Kristen Chase

My fellow Americans. Regardless of how you voted this past Tuesday, the timely exit of President Bush should be something we can all agree on.

And for such a momentous occasion, a celebration is in order.

So to commemorate our new found freedom from the last eight years, the Mominatrix is encouraging you to unite together and “Shave the Date” -- Inauguration Day, January 20, 2009, when we will leave no bush behind.

We, the people with pubic hair, should come together and celebrate this historic election. Show your love for your country, and as you watch our new president take his oath and feel your satin undies against your smooth nether region, you can take pride in knowing you've rid your world of bush once and for all.

Now before you run off hog wild and stockpile bottles of Nair, here are a few helpful hints to consider as you prepare to rid yourself from the shackles of your pubes.

1. Shaving can be a convenient option for moms, but it will require more attention than you might be able to spare on any given day. Schedule a babysitter, grab your Dustbuster, and lock the bathroom door. Definitely invest in a good razor and shaving cream, and if you haven’t shaved before, make sure to trim before going at it. And for god sakes find a decent mirror.

2. Some women swear by the electric clippers, and while they can make short work of your pubes, be careful. Confidence can lead to cuts. You’ve already had enough trauma down there; no need to do more damage.

3. A bikini wax is always a great excuse to get a little alone time away from the kids. Make sure to ask for an aesthetician recommendation before stopping at some random strip mall just because it’s on the way home. And consider doing a trial run; the more waxes you have, the less painful it can be. Either way, definitely pop a few Advil before your appointment.

4. If you’re feeling creative, then snag a Hair Care Down There kit. Not only does it provide you with all the necessary DIY pubic hair couture tools, but you can even do fancy designs. Stars and stripes, anyone?

BEFORE / AFTER

Contest expires Midnight 01.20.2009 (Official bush ridding is not required for participation, but strongly encouraged due to sexual satisfaction and patriotism that might be experienced).

And please do not send the Mominatrix pictures of your bald pussy. But feel free to mail them to: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500.

Thanks, New Girl!