Your Dad Gives The Awesomest Facebook Advice

by TBone
from: http://nextround.net/

Bummed out Lost is over? Your dad to the rescue with random metaphors that will blow your mind.

Via: buzzfeed

Top 10 Lost Plot Holes

By David Scarborough
From: http://www.hecklerspray.com/

We absolutely adored Lost here at hecklerspray. Every episode piled on the intrigue with careless restraint; phallic stone plugs, grown men wearing too much eye-liner and a guy who could turn into smoke at his illogical whim – Lost had it all.

After six series, fans waited patiently for a final episode they thought held promise to unravelling the Island secrets in a satisfying way. Most people only found that there was no surprise inside this Island’s Kinder Egg, just left with chocolate on their fingers and a deep sense of urgent bowel movement.

What it did leave us was enough holes in the plot to sink a badly-rendered submarine. Some people say it leaves the series with a sense of ambiguity. We say the writers cocked-up. Here is our Top 10 Lost Plot Holes…

Remember back in Season 4 before Sayid got the tubb-tum, and was going all Jason Bourne around the flashforwards? Well, there was a mysterious ‘Economist’ he was tracking down to kill for Ben. Was it Widmore? Probably. Will we ever know? Unlikely. This is destined to remain as frustratingly inconclusive as Sayid’s English accent in the final season.

9. How does it make sense that Desmond could go into the afterlife and back?

Granted, a lot of these plot holes arose after the final series, mainly because the final episodes dealt with a colossal clusterfuck of ideas when it started spouting religious hokum. When Widmore bought his giant donut to the Island to help harness Desmond’s resistance to electromagnetism, it propelled our Des into this purgatory. It was kinda like the plot to Flatliners, except without Jack Bauer crying every five minutes.

8. What are The Numbers?

The numbers were a prevailing mystery throughout Lost’s run. The first were the cursed equation that linked somehow to the Island, in turn making Hurley’s life hell when he used to Numbers and won the lottery. They were then engraved and used in The Hatch to stop the world ending (and by not typing them bringing our team to the Island). Later they were revealed to be assigned to the last candidates. Did it ever explain why they were so important/cursed? No. Because how could you tangibly explain why numbers are so important? You’re an idiot if you thought it could ever make sense.

7. How can you travel through time using ‘Water and Light?’

This is a plot hole in the form of a rare occurrence on lost: an answer. Seemingly medieval Man in Black decides to harness the Island’s ‘Source’ to get out of that damned place. It’s simple really: he attaches a wheel to a wall and uses water and light to travel. You read that right, he uses water and light; a startling scientific breakthrough that would have Stephen Hawking kicking himself (if he could).

6. Why did some time travel and not others?

Jack struggles to work out when the show stopped making sense.

Back in Season five when the show decided to embrace its sweating nerdling underbelly, it skipped our characters through time all with the help of a frozen donkey wheel – yes, that actually happened. When Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Ben and Sun came back to the Island, Jack, Hurley, Kate and Sayid were swamped by white light and transported back to the 70s to get their hippy on with Sawyer. Meanwhile, Sun, Ben – and to a lesser extent, Frank – remained in the present day. The only slight assumption we can make is that Sun, Ben and Frank were not Candidates, and Jacob transported the others back in time with his magical droopy eyes.

5. How comes Kate didn’t grown any armpit hair?

She doesn’t exactly jump into the banana grove every other day to have a quick trim, does she? Maybe she supplied it all for all the awful wigs Jack wears.

4. What was the Smoke Monster?

Last time we went down the log flume at Thorpe Park, there wasn’t a giant pillar of smoke on the other side. Was MIB killed and the Smoke Monster took his form like Locke, or can MIB just take the form of smoke now? If he was dead then why did Smokey also want to leave the Island? Where did MIB go when he fell down the hole (there was just ground down there when we visited it)? It would’ve made more sense if Jacob had created him by just bending over and letting one rip.

3. Who ordered ‘The Purge’?

Back in Season three, everyone kept banging on about the Dharma Initiative purge. We later found out that Ben gassed the whole village, then dumping all the bodies in a hole. That’s not very Namaste! It also seems totally unlike the laidback Jacob to order a Holocaust on the unsuspecting scientists. Maybe he just got sick of their stupid haircuts.

2. What’s the deal with Christian Sheppard?

Christian Sheppard is one of Lost’s greatest enigmas. It’s a fair assumption that his body was taken by MIB, considering Cocke admitted as much to Jack, proclaiming to have been the visions of Christian Sheppard all along. It all gets confusing, though, as Hurley saw Christian in Jacob’s cabin along with another person – who was that (it certainly didn’t look like Jacob). Also the Man in Black couldn’t leave the Island, yet Christian appeared on the boat located outside of the Islands magnetic radiance and, more bafflingly, appeared to Jack twice at his hospital in LA. Those evil manifestations of smoke, eh? What a bunch of lying bastards.

1. What is Walt?

This picture was taken on Walt’s 8^th birthday.

The big question that was on everyone’s lips: What was the deal with Walt? Yes, everyone know that the kid’s balls were dragging in the sand by the end of Season two, assuring he was given a quick exit. Yet, he appeared in frequent freaky visions (covered in water whispering backwards to Shannon; telling Locke he had work to do) and was the much coveted prize of The Others. Did we ever get an answer as to why he was so special and seemingly possessing superpowers? No. It has left fans frustratingly screaming ‘WAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTT!!!!’ in despair.

Sawyer Is Right About Jack, After All (Spoilers in this article if you haven't seen the latest episode of Lost.)

By Charlie Jane Anders

Watching last night's Lost, I realized for the first time just how much I love this new version of Sawyer. I'd way rather follow him than Jack or Locke. Spoilers and snark ahead.

First of all, I have to apologize for the lack of a Lynn Peril recap this week. She's traveling, so I'm stepping in as your Lost recapper for once. I don't quite have Lynn's encyclopedic Lost knowledge, so you'll have to bear with me if I get something wrong.

So the scene I posted above, featuring Jack and Sawyer, really crystalized something about both those characters for me. Jack spends the whole episode, in "Namaste," visibly sulking because he's not the center of attention. He's scandalized that someone with his medical training and amazing leadership skills has been assigned to workman duty. He's annoyed that Sawyer is in charge and knows more than he does.

I think Jack expected to come back to the island and be greeted as a savior, possibly with some kind of chorus line. He'd gotten it in his head, after everything Locke told him, that his return was needed to save everybody, and it played into his giant messiah complex. (Although, since Jack's dad appears to be God, maybe he's not that far off. Just kidding. I think.) Instead, Jack gets back, and all he is, for now, is a great big complication in Sawyer's orderly life.

On the other hand, if Sawyer is the guy who figures out all the angles and knows how to make everything work, what exactly is he planning to do about the giant massacre on the horizon? Okay, sure, he has a few years left before everybody in the Dharma Initiative gets eradicated. But Sawyer's bought into Faraday's theory that you can't change history unless your name is Desmond. So does Sawyer have some kind of escape route planned?

The character I felt really bad for last night was actually Juliet. She's hosed, she knows she's hosed, and she just holds it together. The fact that Sawyer didn't tell her Jack and Kate were back, and the way Sawyer looks at Kate, pretty much seal her fate. Unlike my colleague Meredith, I've actually gotten to like Juliet a lot recently, and I think she's one of the most heroic characters on the show because she does what she has to, without being a drama queen (or even a Dharma queen) about it. She's actually really perfect for this new version of Sawyer, who takes responsibility and thinks things through. But apparently the show's producers think we're only interested in the boring old Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle - I'm one of those who think Jack and Kate deserve each other. Yes, I'm a Jeweler.

Other random stuff:

Hurley, as usual, gets the best line of the night, where he's like, "What if they ask us who's president in 1977?"

How many times can Ben get hit in the head before he starts using Yoda grammar or having a weird twitch?

Frank's right that it's silly to whack Ben in the head but then take Ben's advice. And Ben's right that Frank should have stayed with his passengers. Speaking of which, now that nobody we care about is among those airline passengers, are we going to see them again?

Where the heck is Locke? (Update: Several commenters have pointed out this episode takes place before Locke comes back from the dead at the end of "Life And Death Of Jeremy Bentham.")

And did I miss the explanation of what happened to Faraday? I'm guessing it has to do with his freakout around young Charlotte.

This is the first time we've seen Pierre Chang/Marvin Candle since the season opener, right? What's he been up to all this time? When are we going to see more of the chaos at the Orchid Station that we glimpsed in that opening episode? (And which apparently involved Daniel?)

So what did you guys think?