What Would 'Seinfeld' Be Like If It Came Back Today?

By: Mike Ryan
From: http://www.popeater.com/2009

---

In the seventh season finale of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' the plot intermittently focuses on the taping of the 'Seinfeld' reunion show. This got us to wondering: What if 'Seinfeld' actually came back on the air with new episodes? (Jerry Seinfeld has made it pretty clear that this will not happen.) But what if it did? Having said that (ahem), what has happened to these characters over the last 11 years? Assuming the events that happened to the 'Seinfeld' characters within the 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' episode is in fact canon, we collected all the information contained within the table read, rehearsals and the filmed episode to bring us up to date on where the seven characters featured stand in 2009 (in alphabetical order):

---

Kenny Bania:

Is out of work due to the bad economy. Though, as it's pointed out by Jerry Seinfeld, he never worked that often in a good economy. Seems pleased by this observation.

Elaine Benes:

Has a daughter, Isabelle, with Jerry Seinfeld, though, the child is unaware that Jerry is the father as he donated sperm and was not a part of her upbringing. Elaine wants Isabelle to know the truth about Jerry; Elaine feels Isabelle needs a father figure in her life. Jerry is hesitant about this idea and doesn't even like the idea of being called "Uncle Jerry." He feels Superman grew up just fine without knowing who his father was. Elaine, to Jerry's surprise, knows that Superman at least had the crystals that explained his past. Isabelle would not have this same luxury. Elaine feels Jerry should replace Isabelle's Judy doll he ruined by mistakenly giving it a haircut. Eventually Isabelle is told the truth about Jerry as she passes along a message to "thank daddy" for the new doll she received. Elaine has also become a "Blackberry Person," to the point that Jerry often becomes annoyed with her constant usage.

Estelle Costanza:

Has moved from Queens, NY to Florida. It is unclear if she is still married to Frank Costanza. Her son, George, was going to buy her a new house but never got a chance before he lost millions in Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. The news of George getting back together with his ex-wife may kill her.

George Costanza:

In the 11 years since we last saw George Costanza, he had become a multi-millionaire due to his invention of the iToilet -- an application for the iPhone that "leads you via GPS to the nearest acceptable toilet wherever you are in the world" -- but lost his fortune to Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme and his divorce from wife Amanda. Because of his financial troubles, George now lives with his friend Jerry Seinfeld. He had assumed Amanda lost her half of the fortune, too, but, she didn't trust Madoff because of the way he had his collar flipped on his quilted jacket so she pulled out her half of the money before the Ponzi scheme collapsed. George, now realizing his ex-wife has saved half of his money, tries to court her back -- going as far to have Kramer stage a fake mugging so George could intervene and be labeled a hero. Kramer eventually decides against doing this after Jerry talked him out of it. Amanda is open to George's advances but wants him to sign a prenuptial agreement. Effectively, as Jerry Seinfeld points out, preventing George from getting the money that was his to begin with. Also now has a love/hate relationship with Cuban food and sees no problem with blowing his nose into cloth napkins at restaurants.

Cosmo Kramer:

Still, after at least 20 years, lives at 129 West 81st Street, apartment 5B (minus one year for jail time in 1998-1999). He still has unabated access to Jerry Seinfeld's apartment across the hall in 5A; entering unannounced as he pleases. Kramer fancies himself a great babysitter and seems to have had his feeling hurt by Elaine Benes for not asking him to look after her daughter. Admits he does not condescend to children. Kramer has gotten into the habit of hiring prostitutes for the sole reason of riding with him so he has access to carpool lanes on the way to Yankee Stadium -- something that seems quite eccentric considering the 81st street B train subway station, with a direct route to Yankee Stadium, is only an avenue and a half from his apartment. He admitted he offered his sperm to Elaine Benes when she needed a donation, it seems clear she refused. Kramer has become obsessed with everything to do with convicted Ponzi scheme operator Bernie Madoff; even studying Madoff's office layout that was featured in the newspaper (Kramer may be the one responsible for single handedly keeping the newspaper industry alive). Also has become a fan of the television show, Prison Lock Down.

Newman:

Appears to still live at 129 West 81st Street, Apartment 5E. Still has a disdain for his neighbor, Jerry Seinfeld, but still shows up at Jerry's apartment despite this fact. Has grown facial hair on his chin and has lost some weight. Finds George Costanza's iToilet application "anything but acceptable."

Jerry Seinfeld:

Still resides at 129 West 81st Street, apartment 5A; which officially means he's lived in the same apartment for the last 20 years (minus one year for jail time in 1998-1999). At some point in the last 11 years he had his kitchen cabinets painted green and has a new steel refrigerator. Over the last few years Jerry has upgraded to an iPod controlled music system, a flat screen television with an extensive DVD collection and a flat screen desktop computer. Still enjoys a meal at Monk's Diner; a brisk 31 block (a mile and a half) walk from his residence. Jerry now has a daughter with Elaine Benes through sperm donation, though, his child is not aware of this and has been told to refer to Jerry as "Uncle Jerry," something Jerry is not comfortable with. Jerry makes it clear he doesn't want his daughter to know he's the father, something Elaine wants as she feels Isabelle needs a father figure in her life. When babysitting his daughter for Elaine, he mistakenly cut the hair of her Judy doll, a doll Elaine feels Jerry should now replace. Eventually his daughter is told the truth that Jerry is her father when she asks Elaine to "thank daddy" for the new doll. Jerry still often brings up Superman in casual conversations. Finds it disgusting for anyone to blow their nose in a cloth napkin at a restaurant; sneezes are acceptable. Still despises his neighbor in 5E, Newman.