The 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World

May 1st, 2008 by Mitch Martin

A couple of weeks ago Holy Taco put together a list of the 11 manliest cocktails in the world. We thought we would take it the other way and put together a list of the ten drinks you shouldn’t be caught dead with. Whether you are out with the boys or trying to scam on some ladies there is no excuse to be sipping anyone of these unmanly drinks.

Wine Spritzer - First off what the fuck is a spritzer? Secondly why would any man that has a pair be caught dead with one?

Apple-tini - If you are man and you are holding a martini glass the liquid inside better be clear or brown not neon fuck green. Basically you shouldn’t drink anything that has a “-tini” in the drink name. Apple-tini, Choco-tini, etc.

Blow Job Shot - This is a classic shot of choice for bachelorette parties and girls-night-out activities. If a man is caught taking one of these shots, it either means that he has lost a bet, gay, or in the process of a sex-change.

Vodka w/ Cranberry Juice - “It’s a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she’s got her period. What, do you got your period?” –The Departed

Mike’s Hard Anything - There is nothing hard about any of these drinks, they are fruit flavored sugar bombs. Just because they sell them at sporting events doesn’t make them acceptable.

Water - If you need a break then man up and drink a Bud Light like everybody else.

Michelob Ultra - There is no such thing as a beer that goes with working out. If you are going to drink a beer, drink a fucking beer and don’t be a goddamn sissy.

Anything with Diet Coke - I don’t care if you are mixing it with rum or JD, there is nothing manly about announcing to the entire bar that you are watching your calorie intake.

Zima w/ Jolly Rancher - This was the favorite drink of the high school chicks back in my day. Enough said.

Cosmopolitan - a good rule is that if the ladies on Sex and the City drink it there is no excuse for you to have it in your hand.