Absinthe: The Guide to Getting, Preparing, and Drinking Absinthe

April 20, 2008 · Print This Article

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Not too long ago, I passed through U.S. Customs with a nice little bottle of magic from Israel. It was green, it was bitter, it was something that’s supposed to get you really messed up. But low and behold, after a night of merely 3 shots of alcohol, I wake up to see pictures of me without any pants for majority of the night.

While this can easily be described as “the night my girlfriend dumped me because of the amount of nudity on facebook,” it’s actually “the night that absinthe kicked my ass.” And absinthe baby, I got only one thing to say to you: welcome to the U.S. of A.

Absinthe is Legal

For those of you that don’t know already, absinthe has been legalized in this beautiful nation for the first time since 1912. No more do you have to empty shampoo bottles to import the highest concentrated alcoholic beverage into the States. No. If you want to grab a bottle, just find a store that carries it. Boing!

Yes, you’ve all probably heard from your friend that his cousin went to France and had absinthe and was so fucked up he started hallucinating. But most of the time your friend’s cousin is full of shit. But don’t worry weary public, I’m here to hold your hand and walk you through that mystical place that is le truth, de la absinthe.

But what is absinthe?

The first thing you need to pop into your head when you hear the word absinthe is alcohol by volume (ABV). To put this all into perspective for you, beer has an ABV of 12%, wine 15%, vodka, whiskey or rum 60%, and absinthe…89.5%. That’s 180 proof. Take that Bud Light!

Unless you break out a bathtub and have your g-ma dust off her old recipe for grain alcohol from 1930, this is the crème de le crème. You can’t get more alcohol than this without sipping rubbing alcohol. So if you’re looking to really party hardy hardy, you can’t go wrong with these numbers.

But wait, I’ve seen that absinthe poster with the sort of hot chick on it. Isn’t she adding all these crazy things to the absinthe and drinking it out of some strange glass? And for that I would give you a cookie because you just saved your ass.

I have tried absinthe straight up and it was a bad idea man. Don’t do it! Chugging an entire coke after a non-prepared shot doesn’t even cut it. Think of the bitterest thing imaginable, and that is the pure taste of absinthe.

Preparation

There are two ways to prepare absinthe to cut the edge: The Kosher Way and The Poor Man’s Way. The Kosher Way is a little more complicated. You pour your shot of absinthe into a glass and then hold a slotted spoon over it. You place a sugar cube on the spoon and then pour water over the sugar and into your glass. This will distill the harshness of the 90% alcohol you’re about to consume and also cut the bitter taste. Prepared this way is more like a cocktail you nurse.
If you’re looking to fully get a college experience of absinthe, you need to follow The Poor Man’s Way. You need a shot glass, a normal glass, sugar, a spoon, and a lighter. Poor out a shot’s worth of absinthe and pour it into your glass. Then take your spoon and dip it in a little bit of the absinthe. Poor sugar on the spoon, and then light the spoon on fire. You read that correctly, free-base your sugar (also known as caramelization). Once all the sugar is a golden brown (and you’ve blown out the flame), quickly dip the spoon in the cup of absinthe and stir quickly. The sugar will mix directly with the liquid, making your shot lose its bitter edge.

A disclaimer on the Poor Man’s Way: because you don’t distill the alcohol content, you will fully feel the power of 90% ABV. Chasers work just fine but be prepared to feel the burn.

Hallucinations

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Can absinthe make you hallucinate? The answer is, sort of.

When shopping for absinthe you need to read the fine print. Absinthe is made from a mixture of flowers that when mixed around creates a different type of absinthe. The one you want to look for contains wormwood.

Say it with me, “wormwood.” Now that is what will make you “hallucinate.” Wormwood as a drug is used to help alleviate extreme pain. It’s most common use was for pregnant women in labor. So if you take back enough shots (usually 2-3, but hey, go crazy if you want) you will feel a sense of euphoria accompanied by your body getting drunker faster than ever before.

About this time is when you should hallucinate. But in all honesty, you won’t. The “hallucinations” you’ll experience are really things you might see if you were just really drunk. During my experience I saw a floating, fuzzy dot about 10 feet in front of me that I was chasing around. While that is out of the norm, it’s not like dropping acid or smoking salvia. Maybe you’ll see something when you’re out of your brain on absinthe, but most likely you’ll experience a very loose, high-type drunk that’s just plain fun.

Getting Your Own

A final piece of advice as you go off to the nearest liquor store carrying absinthe. Don’t rely on the bottle you’ll by there. While absinthe has become legalized, the U.S. is only producing and selling a few brands of absinthe. Most of these start at an ABV of 45% as opposed to the typical 90%. If you want the real good shit, you can personally import it from out of the States. As time goes on though, the Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau will allow more types of absinthe be produced and sold through U.S. liquor stores.

And when you get a bottle of the good stuff, happy trails.

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Written by james · Filed Under Featured Article
Tagged: absinthe, liquor