8 of the Hottest Non-Nude Scenes from the Last 20 Years

8 of the Hottest Non-Nude Scenes from the Last 20 Years

Written by Judge Reinholden

We know you too well to think you're going to want to sit through ninety minutes of pain simply for one great tease. But that's not to say that a hot non-nude scene doesn't have its merits. And with that as our outlook, we've compiled eight of the best. Some of these movies are actually decent, but for most of them, we're saving you some time, which you can use on the sure thing: porn. You're welcome.

• Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Door: Boasting a solid young ensemble cast including current break-out candidates Emile Hirsch and Paul Dano, it's probably not the worst movie in the world. That said, how much of it's $14 million box office do you think it'd have retained had it not cast Elisha Cuthbert as a porn star? I'm going to go out on a limb and say negative $200 billion... even though my gut tells me that's probably a little high.

• Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys: Do you remember when Michelle Pfeiffer was hot? And I'm not talking about her yeah-I-guess-she's-pretty-hot-for-a-lawyer-who-helps-a-retard hot phase. I'm talking about the slithering-around-on-a-piano type hotness that can only really be pulled off by a lanky, leggy lounge singer in a short red dress. This movie is also notable for the fact that it co-stars both Beau and Jeff Bridges before Jeff realized that he got the family talent and not just the eyebrows.

• Salma Hayek in Dogma: It says something that this is one of the better movies on this list, and it still annoys me to the point where I'd probably rather just watch this scene and then practice crucifying myself while all my friends try really hard to laugh at all the "satire." It's an admirable failure in most ways, though... I just don't like it. I do, though, like how convincing Salma Hayek is as a stripper who inspires a bidding war. Guys, she's a stripper. She's not going anywhere. And yet, because it's Salma Hayek, it's believable.

• Scarlett Johansson in Match Point: Scarlett Johansson has never done a nude scene. And before you can say, "Dude, I know, what the fuck is up with that?" let me assure you that there will come a time in the near future when she does. Until then, though, Woody Allen did us the favor of getting her sopping wet and on top. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why this world needs genius.

• Jessica Alba in Into the Blue: This movie probably has a plot. Most movies do. And yet, during all of your viewings and reviewings of the trailer, did you happen to catch one? I'm pretty sure nobody did since we were all busy being mesmerized by the fact that no matter which way Alba faces, her ass melts the camera lens. The fact that she didn't immortalize her naked body on film before getting pregnant is one of history's greatest mistakes. It's right between the Hindenburg and that time I ate way too much popcorn (don't try it).

• Jennifer Love Hewitt in Heartbreakers: I saw a free sneak preview of this movie before it came out, and I paid the theater so that I could lie to myself that I'd seen something else. That said, it had some sweet bending over shots of a prime Hewitt, obviously long before she had to try to convince everyone that she wasn't fat (rule of thumb: if you get into an argument with someone about whether or not your copious ass and thigh cellulite means you're fat, you're fat).

• Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair in Cruel Intentions: Selma Blair went on to greater heights of individual hotness, but this was Buffy's pinnacle. Her kissing lesson remains the benchmark for manipulative lesbian screen kisses. Essentially, we just agree with Blair: that was cool.

• Charlize Theron and Teri Hatcher in 2 Days in the Valley: Sometimes, it's kind of weird to look back at a movie and see that the person who seemed like the rising star at the time (Hatcher) was actually never going to transition from TV while the hot nobody (Theron) would go on to become one of the most beloved, acclaimed and highest-paid actresses in Hollywood. And sometimes, it's just good to see that they're both in spandex and beating the shit out of each other. This would be both.