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Friday, January 23, 2009

Top 6 Bizarre Body Modifications and Plastic Surgeries

Just as sitting through an episode of 24 or catching up on the day’s TechCrunch posts is no longer enough to win the battle against boredom for today’s multi-taskers, getting a lift here, or a tuck there, in turn, now fails to offer the world’s body-conscious individuals an ounce of peace or satisfaction.

Though no one ever said the reptile look was going to snag any dates, it’s just one of the six most bizarre ways people are altering their appearance for better or worse… I’d say for worse.

6. Perma-Four Eyes. I’ve never had glasses, but I imagine it would be convenient to never have to search for them, to have them always be right where you left them. So did James Sooy.

If you’re not bothered by facial piercings and you’re sick of misplacing your glasses or replacing your contacts, James will permanently attach your spectacles to your face via a piercing across the nose. I actually don’t see how this is any worse than laser eye surgery or lens replacement.

5. Pointy Ears. I don’t know what kind of Orland Bloom obsession people have developed, but I hate to break it to them, no degree of ear pointiness is going to help them win him over; not only is Legolas a fictional character, he sails off to that magical elf land at the end of the last Lord of the Rings, and he’s not coming back.

Reported to improve music listening, this elfification procedure involves plastic surgeons making a slit in the top rounded edge of your ear. You’ll be stitched and bandaged up immediately, but nymph and nymphet wannabes be forewarned, you’re going to want to give yourself plenty of time to heal before flitting off to any “ring to rule them all parties.” The cut will need bandaging for weeks.

4. Eyeball Bedazzling. I haven’t quite figured out why people would ever want to risk compromising the integrity of their eyesight, but apparently for some, the dwindling power of that little glint from a nose stud or eye shadow glitter to attract attention is reason enough to do so now.

These little jewels are implanted into the eyeball using a procedure similar to eye lens replacement surgery. A flap of the first translucent layer of the eye is pulled back. Once the jewel is situated on the eye, the flap is then laid back into place.

3. Getting Horny. I used to think there was only one way for a guy to show a girl he was in the mood, but I’ve been fooled before.

In what’s sometimes referred to as transdermal modification, body art specialists place implants just under the skin. The implants typically heal just like a body piercings.

2. Get Your Snake On. In many ways I could see how having a tongue that splits at the end could come in handy. Oh wait, no, I got that confused with being able to read minds or shoot lasers out of my eyes at people who talk too loudly on their cell phones in public.

In a process called tongue bifurcation or tongue splitting, tongues can either be split the professional way, by using a splitting a laser, or the old-fashioned, by binding the hole of your tongue piercing with a piece of tight string around the front end of your tongue like this guy.

1. Feline For Life. While this guy violates all laws of nature, he follows almost all of the body alteration procedures on the list.

With the addition of full facial tattoos to stripe his skin like some kind of a tiger, piercings that are used for attaching whiskers, and teeth filing so he can more easily eat a diet of raw meat (yeah, that’s right), Dennis Avner is about as close to being Catman as you can get. True story… he actually holds down an office job.